[ISTJ] Calling all ISTJ females

[A_priori]

Hey girls,

So the reason I am posting this new thread is because I reciently met an ISTJ girl who I really like. Typically I'm not into ISTJs because I tend to find them quite opposite but there is definitely something about this girl! Anyways, I was wondering what sort of pointers other ISTJs have for me? She is quite a bit more introverted than I am as well as logical. When we talk on the phone she likes to keep things short and seems to live a much more structured less revealed life. The funny thing is I am slightly intimidated by this but at the same time quite intreeged. We are going to hang out soon and I basically wanted to know what sort of things other ISTJs would consider fun. I know that she really likes animals and enjoys reading etc.. I should also mention that I am older and haven't really had a whole lot of interpersonal time with ISTJs. I really like this girl and feel like she could bring some new light into my life but at the same time I'm definitely feeling a little bit vulnerable. Anyways, I guess I should tell you guys that I'm an INFJ so that everyone can have a better sense of what the chemistry might look like.

Any advice is greatly appreciated

 

[Lady_X]

You know I think there's just one on this site. Haha
Oh @DisneyGeek !! Where for art thou miss disneygeek ??

 

[A_priori]

Well I guess there's not to many ISTJs around. I don't get it, this site seems to be full of the rarest types but hardly of the types that are supposed to be more plentiful. I think there are probably a large majority of mistypes on this forum. It's actually really unfortunate because its throwing off the balance in a huge way.

 

[A_priori]

Double deleted

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

Well I guess there's not to many ISTJs around. I don't get it, this site seems to be full of the rarest types but hardly of the types that are supposed to be more plentiful. I think there are probably a large majority of mistypes on this forum. It's actually really unfortunate because its throwing off the balance in a huge way.

Yup.

Everyone is either an INFJ, INTP, or INFP. : P

 

[A_priori]

Yup.

Everyone is either an INFJ, INTP, or INFP. : P

Ya exactly, I mean not to go completely off topic but I don't really understand why. I do not in anyway truly honestly think that I have any special assets that others don't make up for in other areas. Every single type has something so incredibly unique. I'll give you an example.. The best councillor I have ever met is ESFP and the most mechanically inclined person I know is not ISTP. It's all about integrity "doing the right things for the right reasons" if you can do this on a regular basis, you can live and be the person everyone dreams of having a reputation of.

 

[Amargith]

Let's try this:
[MENTION=10780]Patches[/MENTION]

Any chance you aint too busy to weigh in?

 

[Lady_X]

Well you have to account for interests and priorities as an example my ex istj husband once told me... You know those people aren't real.

 

[Patches]

Off the top of my head... The ideal first dates are somewhere quiet, but not so intimate that it's intimidating. Quaint little coffee shops or cafes, walking through a public park on a pretty day, museums or art galleries. Somewhere public but not overwhelmingly busy. Movies are bad, because it doesn't really give any opportunity to talk, and therefore won't make any progress in the relationship. Somewhere too personal (like inviting over to your place) is intimidating early on and best left for after you're more familiar.

Small talk is boring, but conversation that delves too deep into my personal life is off-putting until I get to know you better. Talk about hobbies, interests, books, movies, tv, anything superficial like that that you have common interest in. School subjects, and passions like that. Try to avoid anything too deep like feelings, family, pasts, etc. We've got walls, and it takes awhile before you're allowed to see inside those. Just try to play it by ear - if I get uncomfortable with a conversation, I get really brief with my answers (one word responses). It's a big relief when the subject gets changed.

I'm not sure if that's what you were looking for, but that's the cliffnotes for my particular brand of ISTJ.

 

[five sounds]

My sister is an ISTJ and I can definitely see her being uncomfortable on a date that was too "date-y". She gets really uncomfortable when she feel pressure to act like formal or stuffy or something. She loves animals too, and likes to be outside or 'doing' something like sports or working with her hands. I don't think she'd do well with a lot of personal questions, she'd to ably just prefer to focus on a task together an have fun/joke around/get a job done while doing it.

I do know one other ISTJ male, and I can honestly say these things seem to fit him too. Good luck!

 

[starcatcher]

I know for me, the whole concept of romantic relationships is somewhat baffling, so I it's something I need to be eased into. Guys who come on super strong and then want to put a title on the relationship right away are a major turn-off, because if a title (whether it be "boyfriend" or even just "date") is added before I feel like I'm there I feel like I'm trapped in something too formal. An ideal first date would be super casual, providing an opportunity to talk and get to know each other without feeling any pressure to do anything "romantic" or touchy-feeley.

I also hate talking on the phone, even with people I normally have no trouble talking to in person, because for some reason when I'm on the phone I feel like I have to answer things instantly without taking a moment to think before speaking, so I try to end phone calls as quickly as possible. If I have to communicate somehow other than in person, I prefer textual modes of conversation (texting, FB messaging, etc.) where I feel like I can still process what's being said and give a thoughtful response.

Obviously the types of things she likes to do will be somewhat dependent on her specific interests, but generally casual with a specific "thing" to do is the way to go. (Meaning that "hanging out" at a park, for example, where you're doing nothing but sitting around talking isn't necessarily ideal.) You mentioned she liked reading; I know I'd be totally fine with a first date of dinner and then browsing around this big used bookstore nearby. You have the treasure trove of books (and other media) to explore, but are also able to chat and get to know each other while you're there.

 

[Capsaicin]

Off the top of my head... The ideal first dates are somewhere quiet, but not so intimate that it's intimidating. Quaint little coffee shops or cafes, walking through a public park on a pretty day, museums or art galleries. Somewhere public but not overwhelmingly busy. Movies are bad, because it doesn't really give any opportunity to talk, and therefore won't make any progress in the relationship. Somewhere too personal (like inviting over to your place) is intimidating early on and best left for after you're more familiar.

This is about what I was thinking. You might also consider looking for some out-of-the-way book stores to poke around.

 

[A_priori]

Yes I took her out and everything went really well. I just kept things really simple and reassured her a lot. I really like her and feel like she might even be a perfect match. I actually find ISTJs are very deep people because of thier nature. I really like how easy and non draining it was to be around her. One comonality we share is that we both are totally prone to becoming over stimulated and have a really good understanding of when the other needs down time. Communication, communication and communication!! This was key!! We spent 4 days together, walking everyday and even went to the petting zoo. I would definitly cation anyone who reads into the MBTI to much because we are now officially together and I really think I found a great match

ISTJs are not robots and on the contrary I find them to be extremely deep just really reserved and delicate. I feel like I am learning a lot from her and have really started to gain a much better understanding of how she is. She likes the quiter, simpler things and doesn't take a lot of energy to make happy. It's the simple things with her and I seriously feel lucky to be dating an ISTJ and yes this is coming from a real INFJ and not a mistype!! Anyways feel free to comment one my experience and tell me what you guys think.

Cheers

 

[Riva]

My grandma is an ISTJ e6. I don't think I'll ever get to date an ISTJ without feeling I am dating my grandma.

She's a control freak who doesn't have a single funny bone in her.

However considering that she was married (my grandpa) to an INTP she was actually the spine of the family.

 

[skylights]

This is wonderful. Congratulations and I hope you two stay together and happy for a long time

 

[autumnandtherain]

My mom is an ISTx, and I'm an INFJ... I don't know about romantic relationships, but she and I find it difficult to get along. It feels like we confuse each other in conversations because we're both coming from a different side, plus she's not afraid of saying things that can be interpreted as insensitive, etc. Not that all ISTJs are the same, though. From what you've said she sounds very nice, but be aware of this kind of thing. Best of luck!

 

[A_priori]

This is wonderful. Congratulations and I hope you two stay together and happy for a long time

Thank you !

 

[Avocado]

I know for me, the whole concept of romantic relationships is somewhat baffling, so I it's something I need to be eased into. Guys who come on super strong and then want to put a title on the relationship right away are a major turn-off, because if a title (whether it be "boyfriend" or even just "date") is added before I feel like I'm there I feel like I'm trapped in something too formal. An ideal first date would be super casual, providing an opportunity to talk and get to know each other without feeling any pressure to do anything "romantic" or touchy-feeley.

I also hate talking on the phone, even with people I normally have no trouble talking to in person, because for some reason when I'm on the phone I feel like I have to answer things instantly without taking a moment to think before speaking, so I try to end phone calls as quickly as possible. If I have to communicate somehow other than in person, I prefer textual modes of conversation (texting, FB messaging, etc.) where I feel like I can still process what's being said and give a thoughtful response.

Obviously the types of things she likes to do will be somewhat dependent on her specific interests, but generally casual with a specific "thing" to do is the way to go. (Meaning that "hanging out" at a park, for example, where you're doing nothing but sitting around talking isn't necessarily ideal.) You mentioned she liked reading; I know I'd be totally fine with a first date of dinner and then browsing around this big used bookstore nearby. You have the treasure trove of books (and other media) to explore, but are also able to chat and get to know each other while you're there.

I always thought of ISTJ as being very formal, conservative, rule driven, and not comfortable with feelings. I always pictured ISFJ as being the "touchy-feely" equivalent...

 

[starcatcher]

I always thought of ISTJ as being very formal, conservative, rule driven, and not comfortable with feelings. I always pictured ISFJ as being the "touchy-feely" equivalent...

That's what I'm saying. Any pressure to be romantic or touchy-feeley is going to scare ISTJs away. Any hint of touchy-feeley on a first date would be taken as wildly inappropriate on a first date. A first date doesn't have to be formal in the sense of being stuffy, but it should be formal in that it is a formally driven first date, clearly stated as a date and somehow made special to indicate that it is as important to the other person as it is to the ISTJ who has actually accepted a date despite the general lack of interest in "romantic" things.

 

[Avocado]

That's what I'm saying. Any pressure to be romantic or touchy-feeley is going to scare ISTJs away. Any hint of touchy-feeley on a first date would be taken as wildly inappropriate on a first date. A first date doesn't have to be formal in the sense of being stuffy, but it should be formal in that it is a formally driven first date, clearly stated as a date and somehow made special to indicate that it is as important to the other person as it is to the ISTJ who has actually accepted a date despite the general lack of interest in "romantic" things.

I like the avatar...
...it reminds me of a time machine in the Cretaceous era...