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  1. #11
    Junior Member starcatcher's Avatar
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    I know for me, the whole concept of romantic relationships is somewhat baffling, so I it's something I need to be eased into. Guys who come on super strong and then want to put a title on the relationship right away are a major turn-off, because if a title (whether it be "boyfriend" or even just "date") is added before I feel like I'm there I feel like I'm trapped in something too formal. An ideal first date would be super casual, providing an opportunity to talk and get to know each other without feeling any pressure to do anything "romantic" or touchy-feeley.

    I also hate talking on the phone, even with people I normally have no trouble talking to in person, because for some reason when I'm on the phone I feel like I have to answer things instantly without taking a moment to think before speaking, so I try to end phone calls as quickly as possible. If I have to communicate somehow other than in person, I prefer textual modes of conversation (texting, FB messaging, etc.) where I feel like I can still process what's being said and give a thoughtful response.

    Obviously the types of things she likes to do will be somewhat dependent on her specific interests, but generally casual with a specific "thing" to do is the way to go. (Meaning that "hanging out" at a park, for example, where you're doing nothing but sitting around talking isn't necessarily ideal.) You mentioned she liked reading; I know I'd be totally fine with a first date of dinner and then browsing around this big used bookstore nearby. You have the treasure trove of books (and other media) to explore, but are also able to chat and get to know each other while you're there.

  2. #12
    Member Capsaicin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    Off the top of my head... The ideal first dates are somewhere quiet, but not so intimate that it's intimidating. Quaint little coffee shops or cafes, walking through a public park on a pretty day, museums or art galleries. Somewhere public but not overwhelmingly busy. Movies are bad, because it doesn't really give any opportunity to talk, and therefore won't make any progress in the relationship. Somewhere too personal (like inviting over to your place) is intimidating early on and best left for after you're more familiar.
    This is about what I was thinking. You might also consider looking for some out-of-the-way book stores to poke around.

  3. #13
    A_priori
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    Yes I took her out and everything went really well. I just kept things really simple and reassured her a lot. I really like her and feel like she might even be a perfect match. I actually find ISTJs are very deep people because of thier nature. I really like how easy and non draining it was to be around her. One comonality we share is that we both are totally prone to becoming over stimulated and have a really good understanding of when the other needs down time. Communication, communication and communication!! This was key!! We spent 4 days together, walking everyday and even went to the petting zoo. I would definitly cation anyone who reads into the MBTI to much because we are now officially together and I really think I found a great match

    ISTJs are not robots and on the contrary I find them to be extremely deep just really reserved and delicate. I feel like I am learning a lot from her and have really started to gain a much better understanding of how she is. She likes the quiter, simpler things and doesn't take a lot of energy to make happy. It's the simple things with her and I seriously feel lucky to be dating an ISTJ and yes this is coming from a real INFJ and not a mistype!! Anyways feel free to comment one my experience and tell me what you guys think.

    Cheers

  4. #14
    Riva
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    My grandma is an ISTJ e6. I don't think I'll ever get to date an ISTJ without feeling I am dating my grandma.

    She's a control freak who doesn't have a single funny bone in her.

    However considering that she was married (my grandpa) to an INTP she was actually the spine of the family.

  5. #15
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    This is wonderful. Congratulations and I hope you two stay together and happy for a long time

  6. #16
    Senior Member autumnandtherain's Avatar
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    My mom is an ISTx, and I'm an INFJ... I don't know about romantic relationships, but she and I find it difficult to get along. It feels like we confuse each other in conversations because we're both coming from a different side, plus she's not afraid of saying things that can be interpreted as insensitive, etc. Not that all ISTJs are the same, though. From what you've said she sounds very nice, but be aware of this kind of thing. Best of luck!

  7. #17
    A_priori
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    This is wonderful. Congratulations and I hope you two stay together and happy for a long time
    Thank you !

  8. #18
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by starcatcher View Post
    I know for me, the whole concept of romantic relationships is somewhat baffling, so I it's something I need to be eased into. Guys who come on super strong and then want to put a title on the relationship right away are a major turn-off, because if a title (whether it be "boyfriend" or even just "date") is added before I feel like I'm there I feel like I'm trapped in something too formal. An ideal first date would be super casual, providing an opportunity to talk and get to know each other without feeling any pressure to do anything "romantic" or touchy-feeley.

    I also hate talking on the phone, even with people I normally have no trouble talking to in person, because for some reason when I'm on the phone I feel like I have to answer things instantly without taking a moment to think before speaking, so I try to end phone calls as quickly as possible. If I have to communicate somehow other than in person, I prefer textual modes of conversation (texting, FB messaging, etc.) where I feel like I can still process what's being said and give a thoughtful response.

    Obviously the types of things she likes to do will be somewhat dependent on her specific interests, but generally casual with a specific "thing" to do is the way to go. (Meaning that "hanging out" at a park, for example, where you're doing nothing but sitting around talking isn't necessarily ideal.) You mentioned she liked reading; I know I'd be totally fine with a first date of dinner and then browsing around this big used bookstore nearby. You have the treasure trove of books (and other media) to explore, but are also able to chat and get to know each other while you're there.
    I always thought of ISTJ as being very formal, conservative, rule driven, and not comfortable with feelings. I always pictured ISFJ as being the "touchy-feely" equivalent...
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  9. #19
    Junior Member starcatcher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    I always thought of ISTJ as being very formal, conservative, rule driven, and not comfortable with feelings. I always pictured ISFJ as being the "touchy-feely" equivalent...
    That's what I'm saying. Any pressure to be romantic or touchy-feeley is going to scare ISTJs away. Any hint of touchy-feeley on a first date would be taken as wildly inappropriate on a first date. A first date doesn't have to be formal in the sense of being stuffy, but it should be formal in that it is a formally driven first date, clearly stated as a date and somehow made special to indicate that it is as important to the other person as it is to the ISTJ who has actually accepted a date despite the general lack of interest in "romantic" things.

  10. #20
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by starcatcher View Post
    That's what I'm saying. Any pressure to be romantic or touchy-feeley is going to scare ISTJs away. Any hint of touchy-feeley on a first date would be taken as wildly inappropriate on a first date. A first date doesn't have to be formal in the sense of being stuffy, but it should be formal in that it is a formally driven first date, clearly stated as a date and somehow made special to indicate that it is as important to the other person as it is to the ISTJ who has actually accepted a date despite the general lack of interest in "romantic" things.
    I like the avatar...
    ...it reminds me of a time machine in the Cretaceous era...
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

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