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  1. #1
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    Default ISFJ men and womanizing? Is this even accurate?

    I came across another forum where there was a whole thread dedicated to the topic that supposedly ISFJ men as a whole can tend to have the vice of womanizing.

    I'm trying to imagine my very shy and sweet ISFJ boyfriend as a Don Juan triumphant and it is just not working.

    Do you find this purported tendency to be an accurate one? If so, why, and if not, why not (and please avoid the "everyone's an individual" argument. We already know that, so if we can mark that as read, articulated and done with). :-)

  2. #2
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Oh yes, indeed. I am swamped by women, I've got admirers coming out of my.....ears.

    On a serious note though, it might stem somewhat from not wanting to disappoint a person, especially if someone has expressed an interest I could imagine it being difficult for an ISFJ man to turn down someone who is being sincere in their desires.

    There also might be a case of identifying with the stereotypical gender role of a promiscuous man, however I doubt that would go for a majority of ISFJ's or a particular type in general.

    These are just my general thoughts though, I wouldn't say they necessarily apply and probably not to your ISFJ.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    I could be....if the following criteria were true

    a) I wasn't involved with anyone
    b) I was comfortable around all of the women in question
    c) If I felt or was aware that all of the women in question were interested in me

    Then...I could see it happening. My intention would probably not to be to hurt anyone (though I strongly suspect that would inevitably happen anyway) but I could see myself attempting to charm all of these ladies. I suspect I, and others like me, would engage in this sort of thing simply because we don't often get a lot of female attention (or we are under the impression that we don't get a lot of female attention and the reality may be different) and to suddenly find oneself as the desirable alpha male can have a very heady and compelling effect on one's ego.

    But it's an illusion and it will eventually fade. I suspect ISFJs who engage in this behavior repeatedly have exceedingly low self esteems and/or lack of boundaries & idea of what it is they really want.

    But...yeah, I can see us playing honey-tongued devils if we really wanted too. We do share functions with ENTPs after all, just in the reverse order
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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    I could be....if the following criteria were true

    a) I wasn't involved with anyone
    b) I was comfortable around all of the women in question
    c) If I felt or was aware that all of the women in question were interested in me

    Then...I could see it happening. My intention would probably not to be to hurt anyone (though I strongly suspect that would inevitably happen anyway) but I could see myself attempting to charm all of these ladies. I suspect I, and others like me, would engage in this sort of thing simply because we don't often get a lot of female attention (or we are under the impression that we don't get a lot of female attention and the reality may be different) and to suddenly find oneself as the desirable alpha male can have a very heady and compelling effect on one's ego.

    But it's an illusion and it will eventually fade. I suspect ISFJs who engage in this behavior repeatedly have exceedingly low self esteems and/or lack of boundaries & idea of what it is they really want.

    But...yeah, I can see us playing honey-tongued devils if we really wanted too. We do share functions with ENTPs after all, just in the reverse order
    Wait, ENTP's can be honey tongued devils? Can you tell me more about that?

    So, you think that ISFJ men who do become womanizers do not set out with conscious intent to womanize, but fall into it through circumstance and a desire to please everyone? Unless they were just identifying with that particular role?

  5. #5
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    What is a womanizer to you?
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  6. #6
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    My ex-husband is an ISFJ and I would say he was and still is exceedingly popular with women. He's got this sensitive but "manly" thing going on that make women a little crazy. His good looks just push this further along. He likes lots of attention and has a way of paying attention in order to receive attention. I don't know if that qualifies for womanizing but he certainly goes through quite a number of women. I don't think it has anything to do with him being an ISFJ...it's the kind of culture he was raised in and how he operates as a man.

    I'm a little jealous that he can just draw people to him like this. I wish I had some of that....

  7. #7
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Netochka View Post
    Wait, ENTP's can be honey tongued devils? Can you tell me more about that?
    Sure! ExTPs can be incredibly charming individuals, or at least they have been in my experience...

    Quote Originally Posted by Netochka View Post
    So, you think that ISFJ men who do become womanizers do not set out with conscious intent to womanize, but fall into it through circumstance and a desire to please everyone? Unless they were just identifying with that particular role?
    Strictly my own opinion, but I think an ISFJ with a particular low self esteem can, yes. I don't think it always happens the way you described it (a desire to please everyone) but I think, given the right circumstances, sure.

    You show me a man - any man - who doesn't like having a large group of respectable, attractive women fawn over him and I'll show you a guy who is either not interested in women or lying his ass off. The think for ISFJ males, we just put on a show of modesty as we don't wish to appear 'indecent' or 'inappropriate'.

    Or...maybe that's just me. I dunno, I just think it's a position of power that we don't normally find ourselves in in reality or in our own heads. I imagine guys like Redbone's husband probably perceives himself as an "OK" looking guy and thinks himself under appreciated or often overlooked even though, from what she said, that's probably not reflective of reality.

    Hell, now that I'm thinking about it, I probably do myself a disservice and get a lot more feminine attention than I'd like to think.
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  8. #8
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    @tinker683
    womanizing =/= low self esteem. whether or not one agrees with it on an ethical level, most womanizers feel pretty good about themselves.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    @tinker683
    womanizing =/= low self esteem. whether or not one agrees with it on an ethical level, most womanizers feel pretty good about themselves.
    No it doesn't, but in the context of ISFJs I would say it is. It's just not who we normally are and if we are, there is something going on under the hood we're not showing you....

    Mind you, I'm defining "womanizing" in this context in the negative sense: shamelessly going after women with little regard for their feelings and looking to seduce/manipulate as many of them as they possible.

    ETA: Also, whether or not 'womanziers' have a healthy self esteem is a discussion worthy of it's own thread
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  10. #10
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Wouldn't introversion and womanizing be somewhat mutually exclusive traits? The more extreme someone is in their womanizing, the less introverted they probably are? It just seems like it would require an awful lot of socializing and getting energy externally from the attention of other people. I thought that is what extroversion in all its forms is related to requiring.
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