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  1. #1
    Member Swiko's Avatar
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    Default I need some help from some ISTJs!

    I'm not sure if I should post this here or in the "relationships" area, but I am looking for some ISTJs to try and help me out.
    My best friend is an ISTJ (I'm ISFJ) and we're really close. Neither of us have ever been in any sort of relationship before. We have known each other all throughout grade school, but only really started getting closer in 7th grade or so (we are both college freshmen now). We share so many interests and I feel more comfortable around him than anyone else. We've got this level of closeness where we bring out the worst (and the best, too) in each other. That kind of level where you just throw insults at each other as casual greetings that would make a total stranger think you hate each other but you both know you're just joking around. I've been to shy to admit it to myself until recently, but I really like him. And I'm just having some trouble interpreting him! Here's what I mean by that...
    He's SUCH a tease! I've never seen him be this way with any of our other friends (but usually when we hang out, it's just the two of us). He often begs me to go to the most random places with him so he doesn't have to go alone (for example, I went with him when he went to get his food handler's card... and ended up getting one myself because he offered to pay for me. And then he took me to Denny's on a whim afterwards but I'm rambling now). When we're in the car (or just sitting around at my house) he does things like hold my hand or lean on me/my lap/hug me/whatever and I never say anything because I'm awkwardly shy and he turns and stares at me and whispers things like "Is this what love feels like?!" And then laughs (and I laugh along with him) and I don't know if he's just as awkward as me or ??? / ? I've heard a lot of things about ISTJs almost never saying anything when they like someone and I just don't know! We do things like greet each other on facebook IM or via text with "hello my lover" or "hey sweetcheeks" but never around other people. We both do it in a sort of mocking way, though. (Yeah, he's got me doing it too. I was slower to go on board with it though.)
    He's also really sweet. Whenever he comes over (he always comes to my house, we never go to his), he's always hungry and stops to pick up panda express or something, and he always brings me some and never asks for me to pay him back or compensate him somehow. He doesn't even ask if I want anything or tells me if he's buying food, he just brings it. He doesn't even ask if I've already eaten.
    Honestly, we're both so unlike ourselves when we're around each other. He becomes way more eccentric (yet in public he's more distant and aloof and hyper-aware of himself). And while I sometimes find running after him when he's goofing around exhausting, it's fun. He's even okay with me complaining about my life to him on a daily basis. He doesn't complain much to me about things, but he's willing to listen to me rant about people bothering me or school. We both talk to each other about things we would never tell anyone else about, and we look to each other in support. Especially since almost all of our mutual friends have gone out of the city for college, we've been doing things together even more often. And he understand that I'm an especially strong "I." If he wants to come over on a fairly short notice (the other week he wanted to come over to avoid an awkward family dinner with a guest), he'll say things like, "If you're busy with homework or don't want to do anything I'll just sit quietly in the corner on my laptop and leave you alone! It'll be like I'm not even here." We have strikingly similar interests and a similar sense of humor (his is more vulgar than mine.) We go to different schools and when we're there we are both very quiet and serious and back to our "typical" selves.

    ...I'm rambling, and I'm starting to regret making this post, so let me tl;dr this: I have a crush on my ISTJ friend and we're very close but I can't tell if he just likes to tease me or if he likes me! I'm too scared to ask him without getting some feedback from other ISTJs. We act much wilder when we're together than we do around anyone else. And on a side note, we decided that after he graduates college (he's going to a 4 year and I'm going to a 2 year), we're going to move to Canada and live in a townhouse together. I don't want to start rambling again so I'm just going to leave this here and try not to feel super embarrassed about even posting this. And I'm sorry if this is the totally wrong section!

    Si-Ti loop ISFJ
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  2. #2
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Nah, no need to feel embarrassed. That was a heartwarming story.
    Quote Originally Posted by Swiko View Post
    Honestly, we're both so unlike ourselves when we're around each other. He becomes way more eccentric (yet in public he's more distant and aloof and hyper-aware of himself). And while I sometimes find running after him when he's goofing around exhausting, it's fun. He's even okay with me complaining about my life to him on a daily basis. He doesn't complain much to me about things, but he's willing to listen to me rant about people bothering me or school. We both talk to each other about things we would never tell anyone else about, and we look to each other in support. Especially since almost all of our mutual friends have gone out of the city for college, we've been doing things together even more often. And he understand that I'm an especially strong "I." If he wants to come over on a fairly short notice (the other week he wanted to come over to avoid an awkward family dinner with a guest), he'll say things like, "If you're busy with homework or don't want to do anything I'll just sit quietly in the corner on my laptop and leave you alone! It'll be like I'm not even here." We have strikingly similar interests and a similar sense of humor (his is more vulgar than mine.) We go to different schools and when we're there we are both very quiet and serious and back to our "typical" selves.
    I relate a lot to that, sounds like my experience when I'm with friends I feel comfortable with. Most of high school, I had that split personality! Unfortunately, I think it could apply to friends and romances, so not sure which it is here. All I can tell is that it looks like he feels very comfortable around you.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  3. #3
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I think he likes you too but it doesn't sound like he's going to make a move, so either you will have to or eventually one of you is going to move on to someone else, and at that point, it will be too late.

    DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT confess your feelings for him in some long email or something and wait for him to do something. He won't. Just make a move in person. Yes, it will be awkward that first time but you both will get over that by the next time.

    Just remember, he likes you too.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    First question in cases like these (well, almost in all cases) is... Are you sure he's ISTJ? I can't actually identify ISTJ in what you describe. I think there's little bit too much P and F in there to be a sure ISTJ.

    Also, if you have discussed about moving together to Canada... without ever talking how you feel about each other... that's bit confusing, don't you think?
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swiko View Post
    I'm not sure if I should post this here or in the "relationships" area, but I am looking for some ISTJs to try and help me out.
    My best friend is an ISTJ (I'm ISFJ) and we're really close. Neither of us have ever been in any sort of relationship before. We have known each other all throughout grade school, but only really started getting closer in 7th grade or so (we are both college freshmen now). We share so many interests and I feel more comfortable around him than anyone else. We've got this level of closeness where we bring out the worst (and the best, too) in each other. That kind of level where you just throw insults at each other as casual greetings that would make a total stranger think you hate each other but you both know you're just joking around. I've been to shy to admit it to myself until recently, but I really like him. And I'm just having some trouble interpreting him! Here's what I mean by that...
    He's SUCH a tease! I've never seen him be this way with any of our other friends (but usually when we hang out, it's just the two of us). He often begs me to go to the most random places with him so he doesn't have to go alone (for example, I went with him when he went to get his food handler's card... and ended up getting one myself because he offered to pay for me. And then he took me to Denny's on a whim afterwards but I'm rambling now). When we're in the car (or just sitting around at my house) he does things like hold my hand or lean on me/my lap/hug me/whatever and I never say anything because I'm awkwardly shy and he turns and stares at me and whispers things like "Is this what love feels like?!" And then laughs (and I laugh along with him) and I don't know if he's just as awkward as me or ??? / ? I've heard a lot of things about ISTJs almost never saying anything when they like someone and I just don't know! We do things like greet each other on facebook IM or via text with "hello my lover" or "hey sweetcheeks" but never around other people. We both do it in a sort of mocking way, though. (Yeah, he's got me doing it too. I was slower to go on board with it though.)
    He's also really sweet. Whenever he comes over (he always comes to my house, we never go to his), he's always hungry and stops to pick up panda express or something, and he always brings me some and never asks for me to pay him back or compensate him somehow. He doesn't even ask if I want anything or tells me if he's buying food, he just brings it. He doesn't even ask if I've already eaten.
    Honestly, we're both so unlike ourselves when we're around each other. He becomes way more eccentric (yet in public he's more distant and aloof and hyper-aware of himself). And while I sometimes find running after him when he's goofing around exhausting, it's fun. He's even okay with me complaining about my life to him on a daily basis. He doesn't complain much to me about things, but he's willing to listen to me rant about people bothering me or school. We both talk to each other about things we would never tell anyone else about, and we look to each other in support. Especially since almost all of our mutual friends have gone out of the city for college, we've been doing things together even more often. And he understand that I'm an especially strong "I." If he wants to come over on a fairly short notice (the other week he wanted to come over to avoid an awkward family dinner with a guest), he'll say things like, "If you're busy with homework or don't want to do anything I'll just sit quietly in the corner on my laptop and leave you alone! It'll be like I'm not even here." We have strikingly similar interests and a similar sense of humor (his is more vulgar than mine.) We go to different schools and when we're there we are both very quiet and serious and back to our "typical" selves.

    ...I'm rambling, and I'm starting to regret making this post, so let me tl;dr this: I have a crush on my ISTJ friend and we're very close but I can't tell if he just likes to tease me or if he likes me! I'm too scared to ask him without getting some feedback from other ISTJs. We act much wilder when we're together than we do around anyone else. And on a side note, we decided that after he graduates college (he's going to a 4 year and I'm going to a 2 year), we're going to move to Canada and live in a townhouse together. I don't want to start rambling again so I'm just going to leave this here and try not to feel super embarrassed about even posting this. And I'm sorry if this is the totally wrong section!
    Holy shit. I am convinced that this guy is really into you. I wish he'd make a move already. He's obviously terrified of being rejected.

  6. #6
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    How about you help those pheromones along? Next time he holds your hand, casually put it on your waist. See what his reaction is. He is likely to be shocked. Smile and look him straight in the eye, and be in kissing distance. If he is oblivious to it, move his other hand to your leg. If he is shocked and shy, give him some time to process and think about it and casually go do something else or change the topic meanwhile to take the awkwardness away. Next time you see him, repeat the action, and give him another chance. If he gets uncomfortable the second time, you have your answer, and you can just stay friends. Just act like it was an accident and change the topic (he'll be relieved that you did and go along with it) If he kisses you..well

    This way, nobody has to say anything, nobody has to lose face and Nature has a chance to do its work
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    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  7. #7
    Member Jstrazz's Avatar
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    He definitely likes you @Swiko go for it. I love what @Amargith said about the gesture with the hand and waist. I also agree with @Giggly of course that you should not make a huge shpeal about it. He will back away and be too overwhelmed by the emotions. I definitely think he is an ISTJ, regardless of the behavior. He is just very comfortable with you. Please, for his sake, never make him feel bad for being zainy. I'm sure he goes home and analyzes that days behavior and chastices himself for doing this or saying to much etc. He likes you period. He won't make the first move, ever. You grab that boy and fly away. Delicately but deliberately make a move. Good luck.

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