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  1. #11
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDJ View Post
    I have the stereotypical history as an INFP of bottling everything up. Growing up, I was a very bullied and depressed child who was very quiet and withdrawn. I didn't know how to express my needs or reactions to them in a way they could understand. I've tried in my adulthood to open up more and speak up to help others make better sense of me.
    ...but because you spent your formative years being quiet, maybe you're out of practice at speaking up compared to those who have been doing it longer...?

    Thanks for the reply.

  2. #12
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    reroll

  3. #13
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    Become angry at them. Understand that you have a right to be heard.

    Seriously between this and you timidly asking what the rules were on the forum at a mere 11 posts, I think it might help you to stop bending over backwards for other people.

    Does this REALLY make Fi happy? I don't see how it could. By the time I was 17, I wanted to burn the house down with my ESTJ step-monster inside it.

    I've never taken well to people bullying me, but you seem to have accepted it as a way of life, like you've agreed to just make yourself smaller so that people won't be mad at you.

    I'm not saying you should be like me (maybe you should not, but I promise, I don't really burn houses down) but you may be an enneagram 9 in the grip of anger-denying or something.

    I honestly think it might help you to feel a little bit pissed off.

  4. #14
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    I should add as an addendum that passive-aggression or anger repression can come across as whiny victimhood IF over-played, so I'm not only giving you a helpful suggestion for your own self-confidence, but it will probably also make you less annoying.

    Passive-aggressive people were really big annoyance for me in the recent past. Not as much now as I'm processing my own feelings, it's become more easy for me to tolerate many things, but I can still say that I can empathize with someone being annoyed by excessive passivity. Because it's still anger, and people can sense it. When people can smell repressed anger, sometimes I think it bugs them more than displayed anger.

    Your results may vary.

  5. #15
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    Or an e4 in an anger-introjecting grip (not knowing how to be angry at anybody but oneself). +1 on the above advice from someone who has tested it. Things are rarely all one person's problem!

  6. #16
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    Thx marmotini for the encouragement ... I've tried hard to speak their language and meet them half way. It hasn't worked. What I'm beginning to realize is another path is essential. I've had to lay down a clear bottom line in my family recently regarding this issue with that in mind and am wondering how to proceed from here...

    I finally let them know during a recent family visit that things between us need to change. In particular I told them clearly that our interactions will need to follow one clear guideline: When I express what I feel, they need to acknowledge those feelings and take them into consideration. I expounded upon letting them know a "logical discourse" regarding my ill fated reasoning doesn't work without an acknowledgement of what I feel.

    I know This might seem obvious to some, but my family also has a culture to it involving a weird notion that emotions are bad. My parents were both doctors who prided themselves on their intellect. With the strong SJ component adding to this from my sister and mother pragmatism and logic together were highly valued as a reaction to life issues. I felt like the black sheep...

    With all this in mind At this point, maybe the problem is how I'm looking at it. As I reflect upon what you say I'm struck about a disturbing element to my own thought processes that cause me to inadvertently give my power away. I'm a grown woman, happily married with kids of my own and still hold the black sheep perception in my head...

    Thx for the wake up call....

  7. #17
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    Be each of their types for a day. It's fun!

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    Be each of their types for a day. It's fun!
    Funny! would be hilarious but I'm sure they wouldn't get the joke

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    I should add as an addendum that passive-aggression or anger repression can come across as whiny victimhood IF over-played.....When people can smell repressed anger, sometimes I think it bugs them more than displayed anger.

    Your results may vary.
    Great point. I've noticed this in my interactions with them at times.

  10. #20
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    Tell them they piss you off because you're not allowed to be yourself around them ever. Grit your teeth until you're moved the fuck out. Then when you're moved out, friend your parents on facebook, and post cursewords and pornographic images all over your wall then constantly make posts about how free you feel now that you're moved out. Then get your ESFJ 8 uncle to talk at them about how awesome a kid you actually are and why they should be proud. Then tell them they're worthless parents until they start supporting your lifestyle.

    Should work for you too.

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