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  1. #1
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Default Wanting Approval From Your Parents

    Hey fellow SJs! I've got a question for you:

    How much do your parents' expectations weigh on you when you make important life decisions (what to study, what career to pursue, who to marry, or whatever else may be important to you)? Do you find it difficult to go against what the external world suggests you do?

    Post what type you are, as well, if it's not displayed on your profile and if you don't mind.

    Best,
    Honor

  2. #2
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    ISFJ

    it matters a great deal. Growing up, making my parents proud of me was the reason I strove to make good grades and get into college. It's part of my motivation in my job since its a family business. Though I am technically the VP of the company and set to inherit the company at a later date, my parents will always be my foot source for advice. They are the rocks in my life.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  3. #3
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    On a scale from alot to none I'd say medium.

  4. #4
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    ISFJ

    it matters a great deal. Growing up, making my parents proud of me was the reason I strove to make good grades and get into college. It's part of my motivation in my job since its a family business. Though I am technically the VP of the company and set to inherit the company at a later date, my parents will always be my foot source for advice. They are the rocks in my life.
    Aww, I'm glad. It sounds like your parents expectations have played a really positive role in your life

  5. #5
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    On a scale from alot to none I'd say medium.
    Hmm, so would you say you weigh their expectations but if your gut feeling is to decide a certain way, you'll go with it?

  6. #6
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    Hmm, so would you say you weigh their expectations but if your gut feeling is to decide a certain way, you'll go with it?
    Yes.

  7. #7
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    Hey fellow SJs! I've got a question for you:

    How much do your parents' expectations weigh on you when you make important life decisions (what to study, what career to pursue, who to marry, or whatever else may be important to you)? Do you find it difficult to go against what the external world suggests you do?

    Post what type you are, as well, if it's not displayed on your profile and if you don't mind.

    Best,
    Honor
    When we are emotionally and financially dependent on our parents, we are not our own person. And not being our own person, we naturally look for approval to our parents.

    And if we are not our own person, we look for validation in types.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    ISTJ.

    I never sought approval from my parents, nor any other person. I set my own expectations, because I knew I was smart enough to success in anything I'd put my mind on to. I now have the job I wanted ever since I was 5 years old.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  9. #9
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Another way to look at it is to ask, what do our parents want from us. After all, our parents adore us, this should be enough to make us suspicious, and to ask what do they find adorable in us?

    Well, one answer might be that our parents have unmet needs from their own upbringing, and with us they have completely dependent beings that may meet their unmet needs in order to survive.

    So we need our parents approval in order to survive, and we get their approval and even adoration, by meeting their unmet needs.

    So we can have our unmet needs met by our children or by a professional therapist. Of course using our children, unconsciously, to met our unmet needs can only be called abuse.

  10. #10
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    ESTJ.

    I've always wanted to be the "good kid". I've always wanted/needed my parents' approval. I'm strong-willed and passionate, and I'm willing and able to loudly disagree with them on particular topics, but when it comes to major life decisions, I don't think I'm capable of crossing them. Only recently have I realized how much this has been ingrained in me, from various sources, myself and my parents included*.

    At any other point in my life, I would have made a post very similar to Tinker's, in response to this question. Now, however, I don't think my close relationship with my parents deserves such a positive spin. I'm in the process of figuring out how to restructure the relationship in a way that suits my needs and helps me become a more independent person.


    *e.g. My own tendencies towards wanting approval from others and wanting to do "the right thing" no matter what; The strong values relating to social strategy/maintaining external harmony no matter what, that my parents and extended (Southern) family instilled in me.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

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