User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 60

  1. #1
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,664

    Default Am I the only one who hates evasive answers?

    Hey all,

    I'm posting this to my fellow SJs as I'm curious if this may be an Si thing or if its just me, but...

    Am I the only one who really hates it when someone can't give you a straight answer? For example, when I ask a friend of mine, "How'd your night go?" And the conversation follows as:

    Them: "was good! We stayed out late, I only got a few hours of sleep."
    Me: "why, what happened?"
    Them: "what do you mean?"
    Me: "why were you out so late?"
    Them: "we were out late because we were out late. Are you mad at me or something?"

    Now see, at this point, I don't really care a whole lot about why they were out so late, I'm just curious at that point as to why it is they're giving me such non descript answers. It's like an alarm bell goes off in my head and I start to wonder, "what's up with this? Why are they answering me in this fashion?" And I become intensely curious.

    Apparently this offends some people. Am I the only one who gets like this? I this an Si or perhaps an inferior Ne thing?
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  2. #2
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    JINX
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,759

    Default I'm not SJ, but ey, we share Fe + Ti, so..

    I think some people can be highly sensitive to direct question-after-question exchanges, especially if it's something they don't commonly see in your general behavior. I've been on both ends of this sort of interaction. Neutral questioning/curiosity - leading to defensiveness &/or inaccurate conclusion-jumping on the part of the recipient.. or being questioned by someone repeatedly about something very ho-hum, wondering what the big deal is. The former I attribute to general Ti- just knowing for the sake of knowing/data collecting, I guess. The latter I attribute to intuition & feeling, perhaps. Deviation from a given pattern, trying to pick up on any emotional undertones. Ofc there can be many other factors at play here, as to how/why the questioning is perceived as somehow threatening or otherwise ''bad'' in some way. Fatigue, present stressors &/or recent conflicts, perhaps... these things can leave certain people walking-on-eggshells for a good stretch of time, afterward. And let's not forget potentially unknown personal sensitivity to a seemingly benign topic.

    The people I tend to get defensive reactions from the most are other feelers, generally, when I question them. The others are NT's, who, as stated above, seem to inaccurately attempt to figure out my motivations for asking, & try to answer accordingly. It's silly/gets annoying. /shrug

    Humans are messy.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  3. #3
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,595

    Default

    That exchange is a bit odd on their end. People have told me I don't ask enough questions, but that opening remark sounds like it is seeking a conversation. I would like to end that conversation with, "You brought it up, so I thought you wanted to talk about it. Otherwise it makes no difference to me."

    On their end it sounds like a kid who feels guilty about whatever they did last night. Especially because they are in a frame of mind to expect someone to be mad at them.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  4. #4
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,664

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I think some people can be highly sensitive to direct question-after-question exchanges, especially if it's something they don't commonly see in your general behavior. I've been on both ends of this sort of interaction. Neutral questioning/curiosity - leading to defensiveness &/or inaccurate conclusion-jumping on the part of the recipient.. or being questioned by someone repeatedly about something very ho-hum, wondering what the big deal is. The former I attribute to general Ti- just knowing for the sake of knowing/data collecting, I guess. The latter I attribute to intuition & feeling, perhaps. Deviation from a given pattern, trying to pick up on any emotional undertones. Ofc there can be many other factors at play here, as to how/why the questioning is perceived as somehow threatening or otherwise ''bad'' in some way. Fatigue, present stressors &/or recent conflicts, perhaps... these things can leave certain people walking-on-eggshells for a good stretch of time, afterward. And let's not forget potentially unknown personal sensitivity to a seemingly benign topic.

    The people I tend to get defensive reactions from the most are other feelers, generally, when I question them. The others are NT's, who, as stated above, seem to inaccurately attempt to figure out my motivations for asking, & try to answer accordingly. It's silly/gets annoying. /shrug

    Humans are messy.
    Good thoughts, especially the bolded.

    This same friend is a friend mine who, months ago we were having a conversation about something (I can't remember what) and she had told me that what we were talking about had reminded her of a joke and then promptly said, "No, forget it, it's not funny.."

    So then I was like, "So? Let's hear it!"

    And from that point on she suddenly got really defensive with me and was like, "Why is this such a big deal to you?" and I kept responding, "If its just a joke, whats the harm in telling it?"

    So after much picking and prodding she finally did tell me and and now she's turned it into this big bargaining chip between us whenever I come across a topic I might not feel comfortable talking about as she'll then say, "Well, you made me tell that joke so I would appreciate the same curiosity..." or some shit like that. Over a freaking joke.

    I think she got annoyed because shes a very private person and doesn't like a steady stream of direct questions, especially about something that's benign to her. Hell, half the shit we talk about is benign to ME....but the fact that she closes up like that, just makes me want to keep picking at it! It's like at that point I don't even care about the answer, I just want to know what the hell is so big and secretive about this!

    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    That exchange is a bit odd on their end. People have told me I don't ask enough questions, but that opening remark sounds like it is seeking a conversation. I would like to end that conversation with, "You brought it up, so I thought you wanted to talk about it. Otherwise it makes no difference to me."

    On their end it sounds like a kid who feels guilty about whatever they did last night. Especially because they are in a frame of mind to expect someone to be mad at them.
    I know!!!!! That's why I'm so curious about it!!! She's not talking to me right now but the conversation continued a little something like this..

    Me: "I'm not mad at you. I just felt like this was an innocuous question. Didn't mean to make you so defensive" (Note: Not entirely true, the the fact that she's reacting so strongly is only further piquing my curiosity and I'm refusing the let the matter drop as I feel a strong need to keep digging)
    Her: "I'm not defensive, it's just hard to tell over text"
    Me: " "
    Her: " "
    Me: "So why did you only get a few hours of sleep?"
    Her: "Because I'm going out with my boss this morning"
    Me: "Uh huh. Right, well, have fun then."
    Her: "I thought you said you weren't mad at me"
    Me: "I'm a tad annoyed because I feel like you're being very evasive."

    I've yet to receive an answer. Yes, I know its none of my business but as I stated before I hate it when people give me such answers and given the events of the last night and that she usually is pretty open with me, the possibilities of what happens are too delicious to ignore AND I'll confess that I'm a bit irked that my friend is suddenly closing up on me when she's normally very open with me.

    What happened last night is that her, a female friend of hers, and a single guy that she's admitted to me she thinks is really hot, went out dancing and drinking last night. She's with a guy that I respect a lot and her friend is married but has a history with this particular guy. The last time I had spoken with them was around 10:30 last night and she had told me she had had enough to drink to where she couldn't drive and I know that she's a very horny drunk.

    So when she tells me she's not getting to bed until 5am because "she was up late" with no further explanation and then the evasiveness that follows...oh my, it's like a candy store for my Ne, just *SO MANY* possibilities that could be spun out of this and the fact that she keeps dodging me makes me feel like I've landed in the middle of some incredibly interesting soap opera/television mystery.

    Now I'm sure that nothing inappropriate happened and that this is all going to turn into much ado about nothing but I can't *HELP* it, it's like my curiosity is a machine that won't turn off and will keep bugging me until I get a satisfactory answer.

    And whats particularly interesting to me is if she had just responded with, "We were out until 1, 2am and then my friend took me home and I had a hard time sleeping" would have COMPLETELY ended the conversation and that would be that because all of that is very consistent with past behavior as I know of her. But...her evasiveness, it's like cat nip to me! I just have to keep batting at this ball of yarn until it unravels....

    I wonder: Is this a normal ISFJ thing?
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  5. #5
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    JINX
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,759

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    Good thoughts, especially the bolded.

    This same friend is a friend mine who, months ago we were having a conversation about something (I can't remember what) and she had told me that what we were talking about had reminded her of a joke and then promptly said, "No, forget it, it's not funny.."

    So then I was like, "So? Let's hear it!"

    And from that point on she suddenly got really defensive with me and was like, "Why is this such a big deal to you?" and I kept responding, "If its just a joke, whats the harm in telling it?"

    So after much picking and prodding she finally did tell me and and now she's turned it into this big bargaining chip between us whenever I come across a topic I might not feel comfortable talking about as she'll then say, "Well, you made me tell that joke so I would appreciate the same curiosity..." or some shit like that. Over a freaking joke.

    I think she got annoyed because shes a very private person and doesn't like a steady stream of direct questions, especially about something that's benign to her. Hell, half the shit we talk about is benign to ME....but the fact that she closes up like that, just makes me want to keep picking at it! It's like at that point I don't even care about the answer, I just want to know what the hell is so big and secretive about this!



    I know!!!!! That's why I'm so curious about it!!! She's not talking to me right now but the conversation continued a little something like this..

    Me: "I'm not mad at you. I just felt like this was an innocuous question. Didn't mean to make you so defensive" (Note: Not entirely true, the the fact that she's reacting so strongly is only further piquing my curiosity and I'm refusing the let the matter drop as I feel a strong need to keep digging)
    Her: "I'm not defensive, it's just hard to tell over text"
    Me: " "
    Her: " "
    Me: "So why did you only get a few hours of sleep?"
    Her: "Because I'm going out with my boss this morning"
    Me: "Uh huh. Right, well, have fun then."
    Her: "I thought you said you weren't mad at me"
    Me: "I'm a tad annoyed because I feel like you're being very evasive."

    I've yet to receive an answer. Yes, I know its none of my business but as I stated before I hate it when people give me such answers and given the events of the last night and that she usually is pretty open with me, the possibilities of what happens are too delicious to ignore AND I'll confess that I'm a bit irked that my friend is suddenly closing up on me when she's normally very open with me.

    What happened last night is that her, a female friend of hers, and a single guy that she's admitted to me she thinks is really hot, went out dancing and drinking last night. She's with a guy that I respect a lot and her friend is married but has a history with this particular guy. The last time I had spoken with them was around 10:30 last night and she had told me she had had enough to drink to where she couldn't drive and I know that she's a very horny drunk.

    So when she tells me she's not getting to bed until 5am because "she was up late" with no further explanation and then the evasiveness that follows...oh my, it's like a candy store for my Ne, just *SO MANY* possibilities that could be spun out of this and the fact that she keeps dodging me makes me feel like I've landed in the middle of some incredibly interesting soap opera/television mystery.

    Now I'm sure that nothing inappropriate happened and that this is all going to turn into much ado about nothing but I can't *HELP* it, it's like my curiosity is a machine that won't turn off and will keep bugging me until I get a satisfactory answer.

    And whats particularly interesting to me is if she had just responded with, "We were out until 1, 2am and then my friend took me home and I had a hard time sleeping" would have COMPLETELY ended the conversation and that would be that because all of that is very consistent with past behavior as I know of her. But...her evasiveness, it's like cat nip to me! I just have to keep batting at this ball of yarn until it unravels....

    I wonder: Is this a normal ISFJ thing?

    That all sounds very typical of an ISFJ. My mom's one, & I dated one for almost 3yrs.. know a few from school/theater/jobs, that's sort of a trademark. ENTP's do it, too.

    I can be very intrigued as well about circumstances like that, sort of anticipating conflict, trying to stay a few steps ahead/out of the way, if I know several people involved. I used to attempt to mediate, but I can't be bothered anymore.

    When you can't resist the urge to dig, just take a more subtle route: clarify that you don't mean to pry/you're just curious/hope everything's all right. - then move on to another topic/leave it alone.
    That tends to be fairly effective, and people open up/feel safe. [if not immediately, then later on that day, perhaps]
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    9 so/sx
    Posts
    21,688

    Default

    I sometimes find it difficult when I'm speaking to someone and they are being evasive but generally when I've had to question someone beyond what they are immediately willing to disclose its work and they are not just being evasive but being devious too. So its a bit different.

    Think about why they are doing it, there's a variety of reasons for not wishing to disclose a lot of details, embarrassment, awkward details, mistakes or avoidance behaviours etc. etc.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    1,859

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    Hey all,

    I'm posting this to my fellow SJs as I'm curious if this may be an Si thing or if its just me, but...

    Am I the only one who really hates it when someone can't give you a straight answer? For example, when I ask a friend of mine, "How'd your night go?" And the conversation follows as:

    Them: "was good! We stayed out late, I only got a few hours of sleep."
    Me: "why, what happened?"
    Them: "what do you mean?"
    Me: "why were you out so late?"
    Them: "we were out late because we were out late. Are you mad at me or something?"

    Now see, at this point, I don't really care a whole lot about why they were out so late, I'm just curious at that point as to why it is they're giving me such non descript answers. It's like an alarm bell goes off in my head and I start to wonder, "what's up with this? Why are they answering me in this fashion?" And I become intensely curious.

    Apparently this offends some people. Am I the only one who gets like this? I this an Si or perhaps an inferior Ne thing?
    Some people want what they can't have. And Js more than Ps usually seek more definitive answers. Is your friend a P?

    Maybe you witnessed a very J and very P exchange and the P was just carefree.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  8. #8
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    1,859

    Default

    Also Ps in their being carefree, might feel a weight put on by the questioning and if they value fun and their memory of the fun they had. So it could be that if they sense pressure with questions that sort of cramps their style .
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    2 so/sx
    Posts
    455

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    an inferior Ne thing?
    Sounds like it. Can you spell "paranoia"?

  10. #10
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    17,913

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    Am I the only one who really hates it when someone can't give you a straight answer? For example, when I ask a friend of mine, "How'd your night go?" And the conversation follows as:

    Them: "was good! We stayed out late, I only got a few hours of sleep."
    Me: "why, what happened?"
    Them: "what do you mean?"
    Me: "why were you out so late?"
    Them: "we were out late because we were out late. Are you mad at me or something?"
    I hate it when someone doesn't give me a straight answer. It drives me nuts. It's one of the reason I don't like politicians - because they don't answer questions. Your example might not be the best because who cares why they were out late. They were having fun obviously. They are wondering if it bothers you and you wish you were along or something. That might be the reason the person responded the way they did.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

Similar Threads

  1. [INFP] Am I the only one having imaginary conversations?
    By Red Herring in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 79
    Last Post: 03-09-2011, 01:38 AM
  2. [SP] am I the only one here?
    By miss fortune in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 12-14-2010, 02:46 AM
  3. [MBTItm] Am I the only one...
    By goodgrief in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 49
    Last Post: 05-24-2010, 04:31 PM
  4. MBTIc isn't the only one who can change names
    By FFF in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 11-24-2008, 04:56 PM
  5. Am I the only one who LOVES reality TV??
    By CzeCze in forum Arts & Entertainment
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 12-24-2007, 01:23 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO