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  1. #1
    Member Jstrazz's Avatar
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    Default What attracts you to ISTJ men and women?

    Hey Everyone,

    I have always wondered what men and women find attractive in ISTJ men and women? I think that in this day and age, responsibility and security are scoffed at and women only want men who are risk takers and wild or what not, and men only want spontaneous fun-loving women? The ESFP's I know are looking for partners who are wild and want to have a good time, and yet the MBTI suggests that they would be naturally drawn to ISTJ/ISFJ's. Thoughts?

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    Junior Member Capricorn Moon's Avatar
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    I could write a few lines here. There is one ISTJ guy i like a lot. Not only that, i am fascinated by him and i deeply appreciate him. He is thoughfull, deep thinker, smart, and he has good sense of humor. When i heard he is ISTJ, i was a bit surprised, because i heard this type is boring and doesn't have inner life at all, but apparently it is not true. This guy can discuss any subject and he seem to be very mature. I feel i have what to learn from him... He is somehow mysterios and shy also, and find it to be adorable. But i am shy too, and that's the problem. He looks like he could give nice protective hugs, but i can only imagine it. And in the same time, i feel extremelly big need to do nice thngs for him, like for no one else. I wish i am have more courage to say or show how i feel, but i am just making distance because i don't want to bother him or invide his private space. We had discussion about love and he said things that impressed me. And... i am attracted by cold and mature surface, but i feel there is new world deep inside him and i wish to know more of it.
    Anyway, i am not sure if this would work at all, everybody say our types don't match and i will never be able to please him probably, so i am afraid to try anything-i don't even know what shoud i do.
    However, i hope this helped you to see that there are people who are attracted to ISTJ's and find them interesting, and much more than that.

  3. #3
    your resident asshole
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    Quote Originally Posted by Capricorn Moon View Post
    Anyway, i am not sure if this would work at all, everybody say our types don't match and i will never be able to please him probably, so i am afraid to try anything-i don't even know what shoud i do.
    This is a really stupid thing for someone to say to you. If you really like this guy, then go for it. Who cares what anyone else thinks?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jstrazz View Post
    Hey Everyone,

    I have always wondered what men and women find attractive in ISTJ men and women? I think that in this day and age, responsibility and security are scoffed at and women only want men who are risk takers and wild or what not, and men only want spontaneous fun-loving women? The ESFP's I know are looking for partners who are wild and want to have a good time, and yet the MBTI suggests that they would be naturally drawn to ISTJ/ISFJ's. Thoughts?
    I can only speak for us ISTJ males (being seen by females) based on my experience:
    In "one night stands"-game we ISTJs can excel with our SJ-looks: We look reliable, honest and stable. Suits/dress shirts usually look good on us. We can also appear calm and friendly to strangers. We are naturally no players.

    In serious relationships, we are very potential father material. Mostly for the same reasons as above, except that they now matter more. By the time of our lives that this comes relevant, we are most likely already on a good and secure carreer, have managed to establish a safe way of living and are looking forward to bind ourselves to a family. Also, we might have already learned to overcome our poor innate ability to read emotions.

    As for your concerns about ESFPs... it's natural for them to try to find people like themselves to have fun. But usually they can't stomach intensive relationships with people like themselves. I have actually heard few ESFPs saying that they couldn't stand a clone of themselves. In a serious relationships opposites begin to attract more, same as skills to communicate between types.


    Quote Originally Posted by Capricorn Moon View Post
    I could write a few lines here. There is one ISTJ guy i like a lot. Not only that, i am fascinated by him and i deeply appreciate him. He is thoughfull, deep thinker, smart, and he has good sense of humor. This guy can discuss any subject and he seem to be very mature. I feel i have what to learn from him... He is somehow mysterios and shy also, and find it to be adorable. He looks like he could give nice protective hugs, but i can only imagine it. We had discussion about love and he said things that impressed me. And... i am attracted by cold and mature surface, but i feel there is new world deep inside him and i wish to know more of it. And in the same time, i feel extremelly big need to do nice thngs for him, like for no one else.
    Does it help any, if I tell you that many ISTJs I know are attracted to xNFP types?

    Quote Originally Posted by Capricorn Moon View Post
    When i heard he is ISTJ, i was a bit surprised, because i heard this type is boring and doesn't have inner life at all, but apparently it is not true. Anyway, i am not sure if this would work at all, everybody say our types don't match and i will never be able to please him probably, so i am afraid to try anything-i don't even know what shoud i do.
    Yes, don't believe them lies. ISTJs really do have a great sense of humor. We just aren't used to be in the center of attention, so we normally keep all the good stuff for ourselves. And for the inner life, you have no idea what goes in our head. Just listen to what the ISTJ members of this forums are saying, you'll know I'm right.

    Quote Originally Posted by Capricorn Moon View Post
    But i am shy too, and that's the problem. I wish i am have more courage to say or show how i feel, but i am just making distance because i don't want to bother him or invide his private space..
    You don't have to make that big of a number of it. Even though us ISTJs are usually slow to take hints (even really big and obvious ones), we like people we spend time with. That's really one way to bond with us.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  5. #5
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Capricorn Moon View Post
    Anyway, i am not sure if this would work at all, everybody say our types don't match and i will never be able to please him probably, so i am afraid to try anything-i don't even know what shoud i do.
    Quote Originally Posted by DisneyGeek View Post
    This is a really stupid thing for someone to say to you. If you really like this guy, then go for it. Who cares what anyone else thinks?
    ugh... I'm going to agree with DG here... utter bullshit! common life goals and lifestyles and such matter just as much or more than anything else in how a relationship will pan out in the long term... and everyone is different... it's not like you can say that "just because this person falls into this large category of humanity we won't get along"... look at the variety between people on here who consider themselves to have the same personality!

    guess I'm just saying that if you like him go for it... the only way to see if it'll work is to give it a spin, otherwise you're cheating yourself
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #6
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    @Capricorn Moon

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    ugh... I'm going to agree with DG here... utter bullshit! common life goals and lifestyles and such matter just as much or more than anything else in how a relationship will pan out in the long term... and everyone is different... it's not like you can say that "just because this person falls into this large category of humanity we won't get along"... look at the variety between people on here who consider themselves to have the same personality!

    guess I'm just saying that if you like him go for it... the only way to see if it'll work is to give it a spin, otherwise you're cheating yourself
    I fourth this (counting Habba too) - ISTJs are generally kind and straightforward. There's really nothing to lose in giving it a shot. All that really matters is how he would respond, and given most ISTJs, that's respectfully regardless of whether he's interested or not. An ISTJ isn't one to go running to the office gossips to chatter about how you asked him out and he said no. Worst case, he'd probably just politely and quietly decline, and not think any less of you for it.

  7. #7
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    I was very much in love with my ISTJ best friend back in college. What I liked about him was that he had a wonderful earthiness to him. He was honest, straightforward, and principled. Yet, at the same time, he was wonderfully unconventional. He moved to the beat of his own drum, and was never overly concerned with what people felt about him. He was highly intelligent as well. I was always in awe of his ability to mind and retain detail.

    Another thing that I love about ISTJs is that they're dependable in virtually every sense of the word. If my friend said that he was going to do something, I never had any questions or doubts as to whether or not he would. This was as true for the small favors I would ask from him from time to time, as it was for his ability to achieve his personal ambitions.

    What I think I loved most about him was that I always felt at home with him. We meshed well together, and complemented each other well when we worked together. I will admit, though, the one thing that I found difficult about him was that he could be rather pig-headed at times. He could reject new ideas out of hand. But, once I had fully earned his respect, and proven there was something to my intuitions he came to value me for my ability to see the big picture and provide a general sweep for what needed to be done.

    Above all though, I adored him because he was thoughtful, generous, and just a thouroughly decent human being. Though we were never in a relationship, it was very easy for me to imagine building a life with a man like that. @Jstrazz, frankly, it's unlikely that you're gonna hold much appeal for the EFP crowd until they've grown up a little, been around the block a couple of times, and are ready for something lasting with a mate they can trust. It's unfortunate given how much some of them could benefit from just that. Nonetheless, it's not impossible, and by no means indicates there aren't a number of other types out there who would value you exactly for who you are.
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
    you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth

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    I am not attracted to ISTJs, but not because of their ISTJ-ness, but just because I'm not attracted to ST's in general. Out of all 16 types, the only type that I would be less attracted to than an ISTJ would be an ESTJ, because, in general, I prefer introverts to extroverts.

  9. #9
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Their predictability and loyalty is attractive.

  10. #10
    Qatie:)
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    ISTJ's are the bomb
    not only do they not give a crap, they also dont give a crap.
    about opinions that is

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