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  1. #11
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Hmm...

    I might think showing up at his house with some beers and offering to watch the game with him might be a first step. I imagine he might not appreciate the intrusion onto his privacy but he also might really want someone to be there for him but is too proud to admit it.

    Don't talk to him about it though. Don't even mention it. If you have to sit there for long bouts of silences, so be it. Just being there for him helps and when he's ready, he'll open up. Talk about yourself if you need too and some of the silly things going on with it.

    Just my own experiences mind you, you know this ISTJ better than anyone, but from my own experience xxTJs tend to play this weird game when they're hurting where they want support and help but they want it entirely on their terms and you have to just play along to the scripted role they'll have you play. But thats just me.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  2. #12
    Member Jstrazz's Avatar
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    Hey, I am an ISTJ (as you can see) and I would also like to say that it is very kind (albeit ambitious) of you to try to comfort your brother-in-law. I am new to this site, but I have been into the MBTI for years. I think the best way to approach him, as others have said, is to avoid the subject. ISTJ's are normally the first people when it comes to confrontation and charging right into the fray, but not when it comes to emotions, especially their own. When my good friend's mother died, while everyone else was comforting his brothers and being all gushy, I followed him to a quiet room and just sat there with him, asking him general questions about his life and his families life. I think if there is a love language for the ISTJ it is quality time. He will appreciate that you are there with him. Your presence will comfort him. Do Not bring it up when you are with him. Let him do it in his own time. Thank you.

  3. #13
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    Hey @Jstrazz thanks for the reply. I have decided that I'm probably not close enough to my brother-in-law for this kind of quality time, but I've inspired my husband (his brother) with all the replies in this post. He went over to watch a Formula 1 race with him a few weeks ago and his brother really made an effort: all kinds of stuff for lunch for instance. But no talk about the break up, of course Just quality time. They'll probably go ice skating in a few weeks. For me (as an INFJ) this all sounds so absurd, but if it's the kind of comfort he wants, then I'm more than happy to (help) provide it.

  4. #14
    Member Jstrazz's Avatar
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    That is wonderful, I am glad that it is working out. I have a few dear friends who are INFJ's and I empathize at how ridiculous it must seem to go through this elaborate and time-taking process when a deep conversation seems the best route. Knowing myself, I am sure that if I were in your brother-in-laws position, what your husband is doing is the very best (perhaps only) way to show me that you guys love and care for me, and is definitely the only way he is going to share his feelings. Thank you for your feedback. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and your brother-in-law is able to pick himself back up and appreciate what you've done for him.

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