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[ISFJ] How to ask an ISFJ out?

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
First of all, my name's Emma and I'm 17. I'm aware this should be in my intro, but I'm rather desperate you see. Desperate for your feedback, that is. I'm 'heteroflexible', meaning that I haven't got the balls to admit to being bisexual. =P Hah.

Right, so here's the pickle I'm in. So I moved county last year, and I've just come to terms that one of my best friends from my old hometown likes me alot. Now being her, she obviously didn't make this apparant; in fact I had to solve that puzzle on my own. Whether that's an ISFJ trait or not, I dunno. Anyway, I've done some thinking over the past few weeks and I want to go out with her. Thing is, neither of us are brave enough to initiate anything. I met up with her the other day and nothing happened because of this. And it's not like she makes it easy for me. Every opportunity is ruined because she can't stand being in the same room as me. Nerves, perhaps?

So how does one go about trying to land an ISFJ? Would a female INTP and ISFJ even work? What about the long-distance? Recuring questions ftw?

Any help is appreciated.
 

Mondo

Welcome to Sunnyside
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
EsTP
Enneagram
6w7
I'm sorry I can't help you out and I know that two weeks have passed.
I am in a similar situation with you- except I'm an INTP male and she's an ESFJ female- we are good friends despite being opposite personalities.

One of the problems I found is that I KNOW I would have to be the one to ask her out. She has openly said in the past that she's a traditionalist in the sense that the guy should ask the girl out.

I think that's somewhat ridiculous in my opinion but it makes me unsure of what she would say if I did ask her out. Only other thing is that we go to college hundreds of miles away, so things will probably not work out simply due to distance. (I went South and she stayed in the Northeast). Things have been weird with us too recently.. lol.
 

quietgirl

New member
Joined
Sep 29, 2007
Messages
401
MBTI Type
INFJ
I had to initiate the relationship with my ISFJ boyfriend. I talked to him first & put my number in his phone the night we met (though he did text me the day after we met to initiate further communication). When we were obviously dating, I initiated the "relationship talk". I think the only big relationship conversation he initiated was moving in together. He's told me numerous times that everything I've initiated, he would've done eventually. He was just too shy & worried that I wouldn't feel the same way. Plus, he's way more laidback than I am so he was feeling out whether or not I was as interested as he was before making any big moves.

Normally I'd be exactly like him - waaay too quiet & shy to initiate anything. However, I'm not the type of person to wait around & "go with the flow" so his pace was a bit too slow for me. Oops. :) Plus, as cheesy as it sounds, I didn't want to let this one get away so even though I went out of my comfort zone (and awkwardly said alll the wrong things), it was definitely worth the extra effort.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Sincerity, kindness and confidence is always appreciated.
 

edwartica

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
15
MBTI Type
INFP
interestingly enough, the ISFJs in my life have always kind of asked me out. Or it just kind of happened.
 

nemo

Active member
Joined
Jan 21, 2008
Messages
445
Enneagram
<3
^ Yeah, my ISFJ ex was the one who pounced me, too.
 

Poser

Fe, rusted.
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
691
MBTI Type
INTP
^ Not here. I had to actively pursue my ISFJ which was a huge challenge to me.
 

Magic Poriferan

^He pronks, too!
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
14,081
MBTI Type
Yin
Enneagram
One
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Oh dear. Maybe she's a very shy ISFJ?




You mean I have to feign all three of those? :sadbanana:

Oy. Feigning sincerity is always a fool's errand. Since feigning any of your emotions is in fact the opposite of sincerity, it's hard to convincingly pretend to be sincere, and people really don't appreciate it if they find out.

Besides... if you're actually interested, then you'd be sincere in showing interest. Why feign that?
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
I just find those three traits so... I don't know. They're not exactly my forte. I'm very much interested in her, I'm just not good at pulling off the caring, 'nurturing' sort if that makes sense? Naturally when it comes to courting I'm all about the playful banter, not sincerity. I'm thinking the main problem here is not being completely sure of the definition of 'sincerity'. I'll go look it up now.

sincerity (countable and uncountable; plural sincerities)

The quality or state of being sincere; honesty of mind or intention; freedom from simulation, hypocrisy, disguise, or false pretense.

Ahh, I see. No, to me the foundation of a relationship is this. That and GSOH. I always thought 'sincerity' was to be considerate in a subserviant manner. Don't ask why, I just did.

That aside, is there any way I can go about engaging her in conversation about us two going out. How do I just pop the question without terrifying her? I'm thinking of handing a hand-written note to her confessing my feelings, but something tells me that would come off as rude.
 
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01011010

New member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
3,916
MBTI Type
INxJ
I re-read your post more thoroughly. Distance shouldn't be an issue if you have your own transportation. Personality type matching is merely a suggestion. No one fits any of the descriptions to a tee anyway. It should be judged on a case by case basis. Nonetheless, ISFJ and INTP are supposedly a holy grail match.

It's worse to not say anything at all. If a note is your best feasible option, explain that in the letter. She will understand your doing your best if you make it known. If it were me, I'd just ask her to do something directly. Painting pottery, botanical garden, or science museum. If it's awkward you have some fall back activity like looking at stuff to help with the jitters.

Either way, someone has to initiate. I can guarantee it's absolutely worth it. I would even say life changing. I thought I was gay for 8 years, after my first girl experiences. ^.~

Best of luck to you.
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
Its simply a 2 1/2 hour train journey to her hometown, which isn't a problem for me at all. I like the journey almost a fraction as much as the prospect of meeting her. Oh, I know that. I was merely curious of the possible miscommunication and misjudging signals, thats all. As for our case, we get on really well. We're into the same music, films, sense of humour. Plus we're entirely comfortable in each others company... well, we were, at least. Now we're just plain shy of one another.

Well we're meeting up (in November *scowl*) to go to a rock concert, so there's a start. But I'll nudge myself and ask for a meet up sooner, like in the summer holidays. A day out in the town would be nice. Or the local Air Show...

I agree, someone has to make the first move so it may as well be me. =P

Thanks for your help!
 

01011010

New member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
3,916
MBTI Type
INxJ
Well we're meeting up (in November *scowl*) to go to a rock concert, so there's a start. But I'll nudge myself and ask for a meet up sooner, like in the summer holidays. A day out in the town would be nice. Or the local Air Show...

I agree, someone has to make the first move so it may as well be me. =P

Thanks for your help!

Love is so bittersweet, in a good way. Waiting must feel like an eternity when your first courting someone. Slow and steady seems a better fit for you both though. I'm glad your going to take action.
 

slant

New member
Joined
Sep 12, 2009
Messages
88
MBTI Type
TOTO
"Hey, let's go out to the movies this saturday"

If you meant "ask out" as if on a date.

"I think we should go exclusive."
If you menat "ask out" as if to seal a deal, to become relationship partners.
 
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