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  1. #1
    Widdles in your cream.
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    Default How to ask an ISFJ out?

    First of all, my name's Emma and I'm 17. I'm aware this should be in my intro, but I'm rather desperate you see. Desperate for your feedback, that is. I'm 'heteroflexible', meaning that I haven't got the balls to admit to being bisexual. =P Hah.

    Right, so here's the pickle I'm in. So I moved county last year, and I've just come to terms that one of my best friends from my old hometown likes me alot. Now being her, she obviously didn't make this apparant; in fact I had to solve that puzzle on my own. Whether that's an ISFJ trait or not, I dunno. Anyway, I've done some thinking over the past few weeks and I want to go out with her. Thing is, neither of us are brave enough to initiate anything. I met up with her the other day and nothing happened because of this. And it's not like she makes it easy for me. Every opportunity is ruined because she can't stand being in the same room as me. Nerves, perhaps?

    So how does one go about trying to land an ISFJ? Would a female INTP and ISFJ even work? What about the long-distance? Recuring questions ftw?

    Any help is appreciated.

  2. #2
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    I'm sorry I can't help you out and I know that two weeks have passed.
    I am in a similar situation with you- except I'm an INTP male and she's an ESFJ female- we are good friends despite being opposite personalities.

    One of the problems I found is that I KNOW I would have to be the one to ask her out. She has openly said in the past that she's a traditionalist in the sense that the guy should ask the girl out.

    I think that's somewhat ridiculous in my opinion but it makes me unsure of what she would say if I did ask her out. Only other thing is that we go to college hundreds of miles away, so things will probably not work out simply due to distance. (I went South and she stayed in the Northeast). Things have been weird with us too recently.. lol.

  3. #3
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    I had to initiate the relationship with my ISFJ boyfriend. I talked to him first & put my number in his phone the night we met (though he did text me the day after we met to initiate further communication). When we were obviously dating, I initiated the "relationship talk". I think the only big relationship conversation he initiated was moving in together. He's told me numerous times that everything I've initiated, he would've done eventually. He was just too shy & worried that I wouldn't feel the same way. Plus, he's way more laidback than I am so he was feeling out whether or not I was as interested as he was before making any big moves.

    Normally I'd be exactly like him - waaay too quiet & shy to initiate anything. However, I'm not the type of person to wait around & "go with the flow" so his pace was a bit too slow for me. Oops. Plus, as cheesy as it sounds, I didn't want to let this one get away so even though I went out of my comfort zone (and awkwardly said alll the wrong things), it was definitely worth the extra effort.

  4. #4
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Sincerity, kindness and confidence is always appreciated.
    Likes Pierre-Yves liked this post

  5. #5
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    interestingly enough, the ISFJs in my life have always kind of asked me out. Or it just kind of happened.

  6. #6
    Senior Member nemo's Avatar
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    ^ Yeah, my ISFJ ex was the one who pounced me, too.
    You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. - Jack London

  7. #7
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    My ISFJs pursued me as well.

  8. #8
    Fe, rusted. Poser's Avatar
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    ^ Not here. I had to actively pursue my ISFJ which was a huge challenge to me.


  9. #9
    Widdles in your cream.
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    Oh dear. Maybe she's a very shy ISFJ?


    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    Sincerity, kindness and confidence is always appreciated.
    You mean I have to feign all three of those?

  10. #10
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grungemouse View Post
    Oh dear. Maybe she's a very shy ISFJ?
    Has she made you think that for some reason?



    You mean I have to feign all three of those?
    Do you not feel those things?

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