[MBTI General] How do ESFJs view INTJs?

[pure_mercury]

It must be nice to be able to talk to people without constantly thinking you're boring them.

I usually don't worry about that. They might be bored, but I almost always relish conversing with someone. I fancy myself someone who can speak knowledgeably about many different topics, so I can usually find common ground with people, even if we disagree.

 

[Headstrong]

ESFJs think INTJs are weird and rude. INTJs think ESFJs are nosy and obnoxious. That's the short of it.

That is pretty much spot on...

I met this guy online, we clicked right away (in writing). I had him take the Myers-Briggs and he came out ESFJ. We talked on the phone maybe twice and met in person once. In this span of 2 to 3 weeks, he would text me everyday and wanted to talk at least every other day. Eventually, things cooled down and I just kinda stopped talking to him. Several times he tried to rekindle the conversation (myspace, texts), but eventually just said "So I'm guessing you are not interested in talking to me?" I have not texted him since. It has been a good week at least. He was a very clingy, needy, smothering person. He probably thinks I am the biggest arsehole ever for not messaging him back at all. I have just been too busy to be bothered. I'll get back to him before Monday...maybe...

 

[FallsPioneer]

ESFJs think INTJs are weird and rude. INTJs think ESFJs are nosy and obnoxious. That's the short of it.

Yeah, from the INTJ side of the fence (and holy shit, we need more of those don't we) that's how it usually works, upon first impression. With a couple of ESFJs I know,

one was this really nice, sweet kind of person, really cheery, and did well in school among other things,

and another had this bitchy and this somewhat dramatic exterior, coupled with this attitude that presented as some sort of no-nonsense type.

After a while I began to see these two people as certainly not half bad, pretty neat even. I think it takes more effort to meet each other half-way because ESFJ and INTJ don't naturally relate to each other, but it's awesome to be around people not like you in that way. I'm not too big on talking to people to similar to me in behavior and personality.

 

[proteanmix]

If I am an ESFJ, my experiences with INTJs has been quite good.

My best friend since high school is an INTJ. He said something last week that is so true of our relationship: we've made peace with our differences and faults. It actually makes for some great shticks when we go out with people and start our antics. Definitely gives us a greater perspective to listen to each other comment on why and how we make decisions and what's valuable to us.

My college mentor was an INTJ who I absolutely adore. Her lectures exploded in my mind and completely changed the way I viewed the world. She's one of the top five most influential people in my life.

A newly acquired and minted INTJ friend a little bit over the last year. I liked her but I don't think she liked me at first, in fact she recently told me she thought I was hitting on her, lol. But, I wore her down.

I admire how focused and determined they are, but they often give the impression of having things under control when they're not but that's probably a general J thing.

@ Headstrong: A younger ESFJ probably hasn't learned to control their Fe enough to know when they're coming on too strong towards people in wanting to be around them and knowing when to back off. My senior year of high school, I had a "break up" with my best friend since childhood. Years later I realized how completely hooked on her I was: I wanted to walk home EVERYDAY after school and then call her when she got home from school, and wanted to take all of our classes together, and spend the weekends together. I had other friends, but she was my best friend so a lot of my attention went towards maintaining our relationship. If he's still young, don't automatically assume his behavior is clingy and dependent he just probably really likes you. It's the way ESFJs relate at such a young age (and sometimes older).

 

[Headstrong]

@ Headstrong: A younger ESFJ probably hasn't learned to control their Fe enough to know when they're coming on too strong towards people in wanting to be around them and knowing when to back off. My senior year of high school, I had a "break up" with my best friend since childhood. Years later I realized how completely hooked on her I was: I wanted to walk home EVERYDAY after school and then call her when she got home from school, and wanted to take all of our classes together, and spend the weekends together. I had other friends, but she was my best friend so a lot of my attention went towards maintaining our relationship. If he's still young, don't automatically assume his behavior is clingy and dependent he just probably really likes you. It's the way ESFJs relate at such a young age (and sometimes older).

Thanks for the explanation. It makes sense and I know he did/does like me a lot. I just got frustrated with how many times I told him I was an independent person and he came across as if I never said anything. That goes back to the last two sentences you wrote.

 

[ssrprotege]

Yeah, from the INTJ side of the fence (and holy shit, we need more of those don't we) that's how it usually works, upon first impression. With a couple of ESFJs I know,

one was this really nice, sweet kind of person, really cheery, and did well in school among other things,

and another had this bitchy and this somewhat dramatic exterior, coupled with this attitude that presented as some sort of no-nonsense type.

After a while I began to see these two people as certainly not half bad, pretty neat even. I think it takes more effort to meet each other half-way because ESFJ and INTJ don't naturally relate to each other, but it's awesome to be around people not like you in that way. I'm not too big on talking to people to similar to me in behavior and personality.

I am on the similar situations like you. My situation goes like this....(from the INTJ forum)

I know two ESFJ's, one one of my best friends, the other a real pain in my ass.

ESFJ's with not too strong E are likely to be my good company. My preference towards making jokes out of scientific knowledge and philosophical discussions (imbued with metaphors, analogies and paradoxical statements) definitely shuts her off; but when I am with her I am a good listener, and so is she. When she talks about her (sometime petty, stupid) experience I just listen to her. I think through her I know more about the concrete world, helping me maintain balance between the reality and the world of my fantasy. When I have personal matters, I have no problem talking to her, and she tries hard to give me practical solutions and even to try to reach out the one I have trouble with. F coupled with S and E, she covers my blind spot, interpersonal skills. I feel fortunate that I have a friend like her.

The other one is obnoxiously talkative (very strong E, getting 100% E in most of the tests). Whenever I talk to her in messenger, once she starts, she goes incessantly, and I absolutely have no patience for that. All she does to me is to complain incessantly about her marks (usually 95%+, though), whenever I try to be a good listener. She doesn't bother to listen to me.

I have no dislike towards ESFJ's at all, as long as he/she does not talk incessantly without bothering to listen to me and to give me time to process what they said.

 

[Firelie]

ESFJs think INTJs are weird and rude. INTJs think ESFJs are nosy and obnoxious. That's the short of it.

I had an ESFJ roommate once. That pretty much sums up our relationship, except she thought I was bossy on top of the weird and rude (because I dared to demand she treat me as courteously as I treated her), and to my mind, she was far more rude than nosy.

 

[entropie]

I sincerely hope there is not much of a difference between iNTj and eSfJ. Otherwise I have to think about, if there might be a difference in perceiving between the types in general xD

 

[Sunshine]

No need to be polite. Most INTJs would readily admit that they're not 'people friendly.' Because, well, they aren't, and we try not to deny the painfully obvious.

Nah. I don't know about other INTJs but my INTJ father is actually really good with people. He told me that when he was younger he used to have a lot of social problems (not that all INTJs do because they don't) but that he worked hard on his social skills and I can see that it definitely paid off...he's very friendly and good with people.

 

[Haphazard]

Nah. I don't know about other INTJs but my INTJ father is actually really good with people. He told me that when he was younger he used to have a lot of social problems (not that all INTJs do because they don't) but that he worked hard on his social skills and I can see that it definitely paid off...he's very friendly and good with people.

Weeell, there's always the exceptions -- and there's also the habit of INTJs that if they decide they need a skill, they go out and get it with a lot of effort. INTJs are usually considered bad communicators, but because of a lot of effort on my part I've become halfway decent at communicating my ideas.

Your INTJ may be good with people, but it's not usual across the board, or at least not until their thirties and forties.

YES I realize that this post is ironic because it's terribly phrased but give me a break it's 2 AM. I need sleep...

 

[Sunshine]

Weeell, there's always the exceptions -- and there's also the habit of INTJs that if they decide they need a skill, they go out and get it with a lot of effort. INTJs are usually considered bad communicators, but because of a lot of effort on my part I've become halfway decent at communicating my ideas.

Your INTJ may be good with people, but it's not usual across the board, or at least not until their thirties and forties.

YES I realize that this post is ironic because it's terribly phrased but give me a break it's 2 AM. I need sleep...

Oh sorry I wasn't trying to argue or anything. I just wanted it clear that being an INTJ will not automatically make you socially handicaped. Oh and don't worry about your phrasing it's fine.

 

[entropie]

Goosh Haphazard quit flirting in public threads or start drinking in public threads or do it anticlockwise.

But do something !

 

[Sunshine]

Goosh Haphazard quit flirting in public threads or start drinking in public threads or do it anticlockwise.

But do something !

lol.

 

[Haphazard]

Oh sorry I wasn't trying to argue or anything. I just wanted it clear that being an INTJ will not automatically make you socially handicaped. Oh and don't worry about your phrasing it's fine.

I wasn't trying to argue, either. And I don't know if handicapped is the right word for it.

Goosh Haphazard quit flirting in public threads or start drinking in public threads or do it anticlockwise.

But do something !

Oh, shut up, ent. I'm enjoying myself.

 

[Mondo]

I think INTJs and ESFJs can get along well- given that both are highly intelligent. It makes the ESFJ more understanding of INTX behavior even if that's definitely not what the ESFJ is like.

 

[Sunshine]

And I don't know if handicapped is the right word for it.

Well I just want to make it clear that being an INTJ will not automatically make you bad with people.

 

[Fishfighter]

All I can say is I'm friends with an ESFJ woman and an INTJ guy... she thinks he's "weird" and "rude", he thinks she's "loud" and "annoying"... but then again I'm INTP, and she gets along with me quite well.

 

[substitute]

INTJ's can be totally diplomatic. Check out Captain Picard.

 

[01011010]

INTJ's can be totally diplomatic. Check out Captain Picard.

Agreed. Especially if being so directly makes an outcome favorable.

 

[bardabing]

ESFJ + INTJ = PERFECT MATCH

I'm ESFJ and my husband is INTJ, and really, when I read about Dualty relations I couldn't agree more! We've been together for almost seven years and our relationship is growing stronger and stronger for every year. I also have a friend who is INTJ, and with both him and my husband I feel I can relax more than with other people. I guess it has to do with their honesty and uncomplex way of communicating. Actually, when I met my husband I felt at once that I could be 100% myself, and so did he. The SF part of me enriches his life, (he says) so don't be scared =0)