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  1. #11
    Member CreativeCait's Avatar
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    So to update, I went with the minimal communication thing and that worked really well. Since then we had an in-depth discussion that went ok. However, I challenged their motives for re-establishing the connection and it turns out that yes, they were only talking to me because they were having problems with everyone else. I dont need this kind of self-centred, fair-weather friendship. As an aquaintance I'm happy to keep in minimal contact. In this case, I don't think it is necessary to bring up the issues and deal with them anymore. However, if they need to talk through it, I may do that for them.

    @ Marmotini yes, I'm sure this is all terribly vague. However, it is a bit of a saga, there are lots of complicated issues involved and I wanted to avoid walls of text and posting to much info on the in-ter-mi-net....Yes I was emotional when I wrote it, sometimes when a lot is going on there, not much is coming out :p At this stage I feel more like that bridge burnt and its time to move forward. I no longer want the friendship (at least to the depth it was) so I don't have the Fi urge to work on it or fix it. I'm happy to provide a PM summary if requested tho...

    Quote Originally Posted by Istbkleta View Post
    It might be useful to think about the underdeveloped and "touchy" STJ functions - Ne and Fi. In general TJs tend to throw tantrums and behave like offended children because of their immature Fi.

    To my experience it's worse with STJs. Underdeveloped Ne complicates the situation with a constant supply of very murky possibilities regarding what others really mean (mind reading).

    Unfortunately such situations seem unavoidable with TJs. And childish Fi often goes into "me wants, fuck all else". They are a handful in the grip. Very unpleasant to be around but cute when their Fi is happy.
    This makes great sense. I think the Fi played a greater part in it than either of us realised. As a dom Fi I probably expected them to be able to understand that part of themselves better and regulate it. I think a lot of Fi came through in a Te disguise.

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Is there anything you can do when someone has hurt you, doesn't want to talk about it or work on the problem, and on top of that doesn't fight for you when you want to get out of this painful thing?

    There is nothing left to do but walk away.
    Yes, sometimes this is the case, unfortunately Sometimes you just realise you are terrible for each other and bring out the worst in each other, making each other miserable....

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    So yeah when they have Fi splosions try to be sympathetic to the fact that as an Fi dom you have them too, except with an ISTJ they can seem much more over-the-top and meaner and unexpected. It just means they're butthurt.
    Wish I knew this earlier

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    Take responsibility for your side in it, tell them explicitly what they did (repeatedly if you have to)...and they may come around to your point of view if you can explain it in as rational, repetitive terms as possible. You have to be direct with ISTJs, I think, and maybe even spell things out, describe WHY things hurt you or bother you.

    Your post seems awfully vague, I don't know if you were upset when you wrote it, but if you write emails or letters to your ISTJ friend try to be more specific, because the vagueness of your post even baffled me for a second.
    I was more direct with them. I gave them a second chance on it, they promised different and they let me down again, recently admitting they were too self-centred to really care enough. I give up.

    Wow, an incredibly cute and fluffy animal is needed stat:

  2. #12
    right on the left wing Philosorapteuse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Istbkleta View Post
    This strikes me as great advice.

    It might be useful to think about the underdeveloped and "touchy" STJ functions - Ne and Fi. In general TJs tend to throw tantrums and behave like offended children because of their immature Fi.

    To my experience it's worse with STJs. Underdeveloped Ne complicates the situation with a constant supply of very murky possibilities regarding what others really mean (mind reading).
    This explains so much of my IRL experience of ISTJs...
    "A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." --William James

    I'd be a card-carrying sensotard, but I can't find the goddamn card.

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