[SJ] Would an xSFJ girl be likely to go out with a guy who...

[SuccessfulSeductress]

Would an xSFJ girl be likely to go out with a guy she isn't attracted to? BEFORE YOU ANSWER, I need you to read on. Because I'm not talking about all about xSFJ girls. I'm talking about a particular kind of one. Also, I know everyone's different. That's why I'm asking for someone to generalize for me.

Most girls get at least some attention from guys. A very small number, for whatever reason, get very little to no attention. They barely get asked out and can't get any dates. If we're talking about one of these girls who barely gets asked out and also happens to be an xSFJ, would she be willing to go out with a guy she isn't attracted to?

The reason I asked is because there's this girl I've come in contact with who I'm pretty sure is either an ESFJ or ISFJ (my guess is the latter). She's really tall. In the 6 foot 3 to 6 foot 6 range. I heard that college girls that height barely get any attention from guys at all and almost never get asked out. She agreed to go out with me, and I'm 5 foot 9, at least 6 inches shorter than her. However, I'm having a hard time believing she actually likes me. Maybe she just wants a boyfriend and would've said yes to ANY guy who had asked her out, and she doesn't have any particular attraction to me. It'll be a while before I see her again. When I do, I'll ask her and find out whether she does or doesn't like me. Until, then, though, I need some advice. Based on what I've said, is it likely she's actually attracted to me? I like her a lot and will go out with her regardless of whether she likes me or not. But I'm still curious.

 

[Mad Hatter]

How about just staying in touch with her and see how it goes?

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

Don't know where she lives, don't have her number. Won't see her for over a month.

 

[SilkRoad]

Would an xSFJ girl be likely to go out with a guy she isn't attracted to? BEFORE YOU ANSWER, I need you to read on. Because I'm not talking about all about xSFJ girls. I'm talking about a particular kind of one. Also, I know everyone's different. That's why I'm asking for someone to generalize for me.

Most girls get at least some attention from guys. A very small number, for whatever reason, get very little to no attention. They barely get asked out and can't get any dates. If we're talking about one of these girls who barely gets asked out and also happens to be an xSFJ, would she be willing to go out with a guy she isn't attracted to?

The reason I asked is because there's this girl I've come in contact with who I'm pretty sure is either an ESFJ or ISFJ (my guess is the latter). She's really tall. In the 6 foot 3 to 6 foot 6 range. I heard that college girls that height barely get any attention from guys at all and almost never get asked out. She agreed to go out with me, and I'm 5 foot 9, at least 6 inches shorter than her. However, I'm having a hard time believing she actually likes me. Maybe she just wants a boyfriend and would've said yes to ANY guy who had asked her out, and she doesn't have any particular attraction to me. It'll be a while before I see her again. When I do, I'll ask her and find out whether she does or doesn't like me. Until, then, though, I need some advice. Based on what I've said, is it likely she's actually attracted to me? I like her a lot and will go out with her regardless of whether she likes me or not. But I'm still curious.

I think it's perfectly possible that she likes you and is attracted to you. Do you have reason to think that she really isn't, and has agreed to go out with you "just because"?

To be fair, though, I would add that I think xSFJ (or at least ISFJ) might be more likely than some other types to go out with you if she doesn't get a lot of opportunities and just wants to give it a go. (Though I very much doubt she would say yes if she found you repulsive.) This is just a hunch on my part, and also, I guess I relate to her a bit... I'm a 6 foot tall INFJ with quite a lot in common with ISFJs, and I think I've kind of been in that situation.

I'm very tall and she's REALLY tall. It can set up all sorts of weird dynamics. I get plenty of independent confirmation that quite a lot of men find me attractive, but I don't get asked out very much, never have. Tall/attractive women can come across intimidating. It's often suggested that tall women should take more of the initiative or else a lot of guys just won't go there...


EDIT: If you're supposed to be going out with her, why did you not at least exchange numbers?!

 

[Giggly]

I've had this same kind of worry before (about a guy) in the past, and here's the thing, you have to just wait and see if they like you and how things unfold. You have no way of knowing what they're really feeling so only time will tell. It helps to think positively though!

 

[SilkRoad]

I've had this same kind of worry before (about a guy) in the past, and here's the thing, you have to just wait and see if they like you and how things unfold. You have no way of knowing what they're really feeling so only time will tell. It helps to think positively though!

Giggly speaks truth.

I really think that if she agreed to go out with you - it doesn't necessarily means she is IN LURVE with you, but she at least thinks she'd like to see where it goes. I doubt most types would go out with someone they dislike! So it could develop into something.

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

Alright, here we go. Big post coming soon. I hope someone's ready for it.

 

[prplchknz]

anyone else find the irony in the OPs user name?

 

[Giggly]

anyone else find the irony in the OPs user name?

Yes. 'Tis strange.

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

I think it's perfectly possible that she likes you and is attracted to you. Do you have reason to think that she really isn't, and has agreed to go out with you "just because"?

To be fair, though, I would add that I think xSFJ (or at least ISFJ) might be more likely than some other types to go out with you if she doesn't get a lot of opportunities and just wants to give it a go. (Though I very much doubt she would say yes if she found you repulsive.) This is just a hunch on my part, and also, I guess I relate to her a bit... I'm a 6 foot tall INFJ with quite a lot in common with ISFJs, and I think I've kind of been in that situation.

I'm very tall and she's REALLY tall. It can set up all sorts of weird dynamics. I get plenty of independent confirmation that quite a lot of men find me attractive, but I don't get asked out very much, never have. Tall/attractive women can come across intimidating. It's often suggested that tall women should take more of the initiative or else a lot of guys just won't go there...


EDIT: If you're supposed to be going out with her, why did you not at least exchange numbers?!

Normally I would figure this out on my own. I can intuit about these kinds of situations quite well. However, there's a problem. I have an emotional stake in it. I highly desire a particular outcome (for her to actually like me). That desire activates my paranoia. I start getting paranoid about all the negative possibilities, and that led me to wonder if she doesn't actually like me. My paranoia completely clouds my intuition, to the point where it comes 100% useless as it is in this situation. So I need advice from someone who's emotionally detached from it.

As for this girl in particular, she's blonde and at least 6 inches taller than me. We live near LA, so it seems unlikely we'll run into each other by accident. Here's some things that've happened that may or may not be signs that she likes me:

1. On one particular day, she wasn't expecting to see me in class. She was surprised and excited when she did. I wondered if maybe her excitement at seeing me was a sign she liked me. But maybe not.

2. Ever since she found out I liked her and she led me to believe she liked me, too, we only saw each other in class once a week for a month. We BARELY talked or interacted during that time, until the final day. She seemed just as interested in me on the final day as she had been the first, even before we talked on that day. I wondered if her maintaining interest for an extended period with such little contact during that time was a sign that she actually liked me. Seems like she might've gotten bored pretty quickly with such little contact if she didn't actually like me. But then I remembered that she's an xSFJ, and wondered if xSFJ's are just more able to maintain interest in someone over long periods of times where they don't see that person very often than other types are.

3. Sometimes, when I'm watching someone out of the corner of my eye, I see their emotions as energy. I was watching her out of the corner of my eye, once. She turned around and looked at me for about a split second before turning away. In that moment, I saw this little burst of warm, positive emotional energy coming from her. At first, I thought it was some kind of attraction for me. Then I got paranoid and wondered if she was just happy to see me. Not an "OMG, it's been so long since I've seen him!" kind of happy so much as a "Great, I'm finally about to be asked out!" kind of happy.

4. After she found out I liked her, she was more open and friendly coming to class on days she expected to see me. She was in a friendlier, better mood those days. Before that, she was quite reserved, never really talked to anyone (this is a 200 person class, so people don't talk that much in general), but she suddenly became more open and nicer in general after finding out about me.

There's been a few other things that've happened that've made it clear that she's quite interested and really wants to go out with me. What I'm sure about is that she has a high level of interest directed towards me. I was quite surprised at how interested she was, actually. What I'm not sure about is if she's interested in me as a person, or if she's just interested in me as an opportunity for a boyfriend. That's what I need help finding out.

Also, if anyone's planning on showing up here and giving me a hard time for not trying to figure this out by talking to her, save it. It'll be a while before I see her again, so all I can do is speculate on what I've seen from her so far. If that bothers anyone, just leave me and this thread alone. No one's forcing you to read it.

 

[Giggly]

2. Ever since she found out I liked her and she led me to believe she liked me, too, we only saw each other in class once a week for a month. We BARELY talked or interacted during that time, until the final day. She seemed just as interested in me on the final day as she had been the first, even before we talked on that day. I wondered if her maintaining interest for an extended period with such little contact during that time was a sign that she actually liked me. Seems like she might've gotten bored pretty quickly with such little contact if she didn't actually like me. But then I remembered that she's an xSFJ, and wondered if xSFJ's are just more able to maintain interest in someone over long periods of times where they don't see that person very often than other types are.

Yes, we focus in on one person but she's probably thinking you don't really like her since you don't talk to her.

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

Yes, we focus in on one person but she's probably thinking you don't really like her since you don't talk to her.

I've talked to her.

 

[Giggly]

I've talked to her.

Oh okay, if you talked to her whenever you saw her, and you think she likes you already, then yeah I don't see why she wouldn't continue to like you.

 

[EcK]

(...) JUGGLES AND IS A CLOWN! (completing the title, carry on)

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

Oh okay, if you talked to her whenever you saw her, and you think she likes you already, then yeah I don't see why she wouldn't continue to like you.

I don't see if she ever liked me in the first place. That's my main concern. Based on what I told you in that post you quoted and what you know about yourself as an ISFJ girl, do you think she liked me?

 

[Giggly]

I don't see if she ever liked me in the first place. That's my main concern. Based on what I told you in that post you quoted and what you know about yourself as an ISFJ girl, do you think she liked me?

Yes.

Did you really ask her out though?

edit: Nevermind, I misread and thought you said you did already.

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

Yes.

Why do you think that? I'm still concerned she doesn't really like me and I won't be able to put that to rest until I have specific reasons to believe otherwise.

 

[Giggly]

Why do you think that? I'm still concerned she doesn't really like me and I won't be able to put that to rest until I have specific reasons to believe otherwise.

I don't know how *much* she likes you because I can't read her mind but she has taken an interest in you, specifically. I say this based on the numerical points you listed above. Like I said, I can't read her mind but you have a whole month so try not to worry about it too much until that's over.

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

Ah. So you don't think an ISFJ girl would ever show that kind of interest in a guy if she was more interested in the idea of having a boyfriend than the guy himself?

 

[Giggly]

Ah. So you don't think an ISFJ girl would ever show that kind of interest in a guy if she was more interested in the idea of having a boyfriend than the guy himself?

You can't think like that. It's unfair to her (and you) to put thoughts/feelings/motivations in her mind for her. And it doesn't matter anyway....if she likes you, she likes you. Just enjoy it and don't worry.