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  1. #21
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Well, I think height does matter sometimes for taller girls. Ask her what she likes.

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  2. #22
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    Some women will date men they aren't attracted to just for a fun date, companionship, and in some cases for a traditional "arrangement" of having a caring husband who wants to be a father and a stable provider.

    In the first two cases, the girl may not see the guy as relationship material, she wouldn't have sex with him, but she sees nothing wrong with two people enjoying each others company by dancing or attending an event together. Hey, why not. She may even think that she might become more attracted to him if she gets to know him.

    In the third case, these type of women tend to either be desperate, or genuinely don't care much about sex and actively seek out a marriageable man for reasons other than physical attraction, viewing sex as a "duty."

    I think it's possible that a certain type of xSFJ might be this third sort of woman who seeks a marriage partner for more practical rather than romantic reasons, depending on which culture she is from, and of course her biological sex drive.

    I think varying types of women can fall into the first two categories, though, dating just for fun, or to see if an attraction grows with time.

  3. #23
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Well, I think height does matter sometimes for taller girls. Ask her what she likes.
    Noooo don't ask her that. Just go for it.

  4. #24
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Noooo don't ask her that. Just go for it.
    Yes well it's pretty hard to tell if they are interested anyway so this is good advice. I was persistent and wore mine down . Not stupidly persistent though. She always knew I had other options. Anyway, it worked. Then later, I heard I wasn't as tall as she preferred. Tough cookies!

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  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    You can't think like that. It's unfair to her (and you) to put thoughts/feelings/motivations in her mind for her. And it doesn't matter anyway....if she likes you, she likes you. Just enjoy it and don't worry.
    This is a girl who barely noticed me before she found out I liked her. Then she finds out that I like her and suddenly starts acting like she likes me, too. Rather odd that someone suddenly likes someone else for no reason. I have a right to wonder if a girl cares about me or not when I have reason to doubt. It would be unfair to ME if I just let myself think she actually likes me when it seems quite possible she doesn't.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with going out with someone you're not attracted to, so long as you're not planning on using them or being mean to them. So I'm not going to blame her if it ends up being the case that she isn't attracted to me. She seems like a good, genuine, decent person, so I don't think she has any malicious intent here. And I'll still definitely go out with her even if I don't think she's attracted to me in the hope that she starts likng me for who I am later.

    I still want to know, though. I want to know if she likes me. I can't find out for sure until I see her again, but, with other people's help, I can at least find out whether or not if it's LIKELY she does.

    Well, I think height does matter sometimes for taller girls. Ask her what she likes.
    She's already made it clear that the height difference isn't a problem, so why would I? In fact, that's another thing. She's willing to go out with me even though I'm much shorter than her. I wonder if that makes it more likely she likes me if she still wants to go out with me despite the height thing.

    Some women will date men they aren't attracted to just for a fun date, companionship, and in some cases for a traditional "arrangement" of having a caring husband who wants to be a father and a stable provider.
    How much interest would the girl show in the guy if she's going out with him for the first two reasons? Would she be like "What the hell, might as well just go out with him" or would she be more like "Omg, it's our first date!"? I doubt the third reason is a factor here, because we're both college students. I don't think she's thinking about marriage at this point.

    Also, no one's responded to those numerical points I listed about her and the way she's been acting around me in that other post. I hope someone has something to say about that.

  6. #26
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post

    In the third case, these type of women tend to either be desperate, or genuinely don't care much about sex and actively seek out a marriageable man for reasons other than physical attraction, viewing sex as a "duty."

    I think it's possible that a certain type of xSFJ might be this third sort of woman who seeks a marriage partner for more practical rather than romantic reasons, depending on which culture she is from, and of course her biological sex drive.

    I think varying types of women can fall into the first two categories, though, dating just for fun, or to see if an attraction grows with time.
    I do not disagree with you that certain people can do this. However, lets be careful not to portray a distorted view of what xfjs are like. I am sure any other types are equally capable of the same behavior.

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  7. #27
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuccessfulSeductress View Post
    This is a girl who barely noticed me before she found out I liked her. Then she finds out that I like her and suddenly starts acting like she likes me, too. Rather odd that someone suddenly likes someone else for no reason. I have a right to wonder if a girl cares about me or not when I have reason to doubt. It would be unfair to ME if I just let myself think she actually likes me when it seems quite possible she doesn't.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with going out with someone you're not attracted to, so long as you're not planning on using them or being mean to them. So I'm not going to blame her if it ends up being the case that she isn't attracted to me. She seems like a good, genuine, decent person, so I don't think she has any malicious intent here. And I'll still definitely go out with her even if I don't think she's attracted to me in the hope that she starts loving me for who I am later.

    I still want to know, though. I want to know if she likes me. I can't find out for sure until I see her again, but, with other people's help, I can at least find out whether or not if it's LIKELY she does.

    You said it, she may not have noticed you before. Reciprocity is a factor in attraction. This is a fancy way of simply saying that we are more likely to be attracted to someone who likes us and shows it than someone who obviously dislikes us.

    But again, we can't read her mind and even you've hardly interacted with her.

    Do you want to be talked out of it?

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    You said it, she may not have noticed you before. Reciprocity is a factor in attraction. This is a fancy way of simply saying that we are more likely to be attracted to someone who likes us and shows it than someone who obviously dislikes us.

    But again, we can't read her mind and even you've hardly interacted with her.

    Do you want to be talked out of it?
    Do I want to be talked about it? No. As I've clearly said, I fully intend to go out with her, regardless of what I believe she feels about me. So no, I'm not looking for anyone to talk me out of going out with her.

    Can you read her mind? No. Instead, you can do what people normally do. Read her actions. The ones I've detailed thus far in this thread.

    And I did consider that maybe she likes me simply because I like her. In fact, that was my only hope. It was the only justification I had for her liking me. With very few guys having probably showed attraction to her in the past, maybe the fact that I'm just about the only one who's done so thus far had a bigger effect on her than it would've had if this was a girl who constantly has boys deliberately showing interest in her.

  9. #29
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuccessfulSeductress View Post
    Do I want to be talked about it? No. As I've clearly said, I fully intend to go out with her, regardless of what I believe she feels about me. So no, I'm not looking for anyone to talk me out of going out with her.

    Can you read her mind? No. Instead, you can do what people normally do. Read her actions. The ones I've detailed thus far in this thread.

    And I did consider that maybe she likes me simply because I like her. In fact, that was my only hope. It was the only justification I had for her liking me. With very few guys having probably showed attraction to her in the past, maybe the fact that I'm just about the only one who's done so thus far had a bigger effect on her than it would've had if this was a girl who constantly has boys deliberately showing interest in her.
    Girls don't go out with guys out of pity.

  10. #30
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    She probably doesn't have a mad crush on you, but likely finds you interesting and attractive enough to go on a date. I'd say ISFJs don't seem to think too much during these initial stages.
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