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Thread: ISFJ & loyalty

  1. #1
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    Question ISFJ & loyalty

    Hi guys. This is the first ISFJ I've been attracted to. We met at a work party in Dallas, but from the get-go she's been very friendly to me. I know what you're thinking, ISFJs are ALWAYS friendly. This is true, but this one likes to drink around me (she's usually very reserved with all, but she loosens up a lot when drinking, but only sexually with me, from what I've seen). Last week, she kissed me! She was nowhere near tipsy. We made out a bit, things stayed fun and light. I'm the one that put on the brakes to sex, just because she has a boyfriend, but I'm single.

    So knowing how ISFJs (usually) feel about cheating, I (with much, much effort on my part) suggested that we revisit sex when we were both a little more sober, so I could enjoy every moment. I would really not rush into things, considering that we have many mutual friends.

    She has mentioned how things don't seem like they will work out with him... We get along extremely well, she loves talking to me as her friend... so she MUST feel pretty comfortable around me, right?

    Guys & gals, am I setting myself up for doom & disaster here? I really don't want to invest emotions in her if she just needs a little variety in her life. I'd rather know that's what it is, and just enjoy it for what it is. Thanks.
    Last edited by sungod; 04-27-2012 at 01:58 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
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    Yes you are. You fucked up though she wanted you then. It is what YOU make of it. She'll probably get bored with you too though lol. She wants to play around cause she's been holding back. Doubt she's isfj. How old is she?
    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

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    She's 30. Definitely an ISFJ, had her test. I test everyone in my life. Life's too short to waste time.

    Thanks for the comment. Ah, but you're ESFP I stay away from ESFPs, I've learned my lesson You guys are my absolute first pick, hands down. I love me some performers... but it just gets too ridiculous, way too fast. Plus, ONE psycho hot potato is enough in a relationship (me). I've got way too much N to focus on a performer... After the sizzle dies down, and my brain turns back ON (from the comatose-like state the ESFP induced on me), I get bored.

    Since that night, the flirting has gotten more intense, and she wants to come over again, so all is not lost with her, I know that much.

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    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    What type are you?

    And, yes, you are playing with fire.

    I would start seeing her a lot less and stop the drinking and making out if and when you do see each other.

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    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    See her if you're up for some cheap thrills. Stop seeing her if you're really interested in a relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    What type are you?

    And, yes, you are playing with fire.

    I would start seeing her a lot less and stop the drinking and making out if and when you do see each other.
    I'm ENFP, very strongly.

    Thanks, I appreciate the life advice , but can you please expound upon your answer? I'd like to understand what's happening in her head. Why fire, exactly? Why is she acting this way if she's ISFJ? What are her intentions? She seeks ME out, I'm just along for the ride...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    See her if you're up for some cheap thrills. Stop seeing her if you're really interested in a relationship.
    I know too many INFJs all too well, and I already knew this is exactly what they'd tell me :P. No offense, but INFJs always seem to have a naturally intuitive albeit very dark sense of reality. We have trouble seeing the S of things, hence my asking the ISFJ crowd. I just don't KNOW any ISFJs personally.

    Clarification--I'm sure I know plenty of ISFJs, is I like to type people all the time by observing... I just don't base conclusions that affect my life on my observations... I always sabotage when I overthink.. Classic ENFP. So I like gathering empirical evidence before asserting my decisions..
    Last edited by sungod; 04-27-2012 at 01:59 PM.

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    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I guess you should tell her that it'd be better if she left her boyfriend, when/if you two want to start a sexual relationship.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

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    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sungod View Post
    I know too many INFJs all too well, and I already knew this is exactly what they'd tell me :P. No offense, but INFJs always seem to have a naturally intuitive albeit very dark sense of reality. We have trouble seeing the S of things, hence my asking the ISFJ crowd. I just don't KNOW any ISFJs personally, except for my mom and there's no way in hell I'll talk to her about these things lol.

    Clarification--I'm sure I know plenty of ISFJs, is I like to type people all the time by observing... I just don't base conclusions that affect my life on my observations... I always sabotage when I overthink.. Classic ENFP. So I like gathering empirical evidence before asserting my decisions..
    Ok, but this is very simple -- she's not mysterious -- you are making her feel good, so she wants some more. That's really all there is to it. It's not about you and it's not about looking thoughtfully into her actions and their implications and knowing what she's doing. She'll probably stay with her boyfriend and fool around with you as long as she can get away with it -- because it feels good -- the attention feels good, the thrill is happening. Many women (and men for that matter) love foreplay and stop getting as much as they like after they are in a relationship. She's getting her kissing and petting needs satisfied. You, in the meantime, think all this means something. You're playing with fire because you're emotionally involved and she isn't. -- Look, it's true of people that if they'll do it to anybody, they'll do it to you. Do you want some girl who does this behind her boyfriend's back? What are you gaining if you do get her all to yourself? Why would she treat you differently, are you so special, so different from every other guy? This is a kind of bittersweet thing, what you're doing, and I want to say it's for someone with more sophistication than you are showing with the questions you ask, to be able to keep your balance when you feel swept off your feet a little but you know good and well she is with someone else and this will probably come to nothing. If you can enjoy it in the moment and forget it when it's over, then go ahead. If it's going to mess you up when she drops you, stop now.

    Also, the drinking is so she has an excuse when it all comes down on her head. "It didn't mean anything. I was drunk."

  10. #10
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Sounds pretty bad. I'd stay away.

    I think for the most part ISFJs do value loyalty and so forth even if they have conflicting feelings. To engage in drunken antics? She's definitely not the sort of person I'd want to be in a relationship with.

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