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  1. #41
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I'm curious if your ISTJ used to come over to your place often before you moved with him?

    I'm kind of confused... is this ENFJ friend disrespectful to the ISTJ?
    He came over a lot. He seemed to be just fine with the way I had things and still asked me to move in with him. And he never nagged me at his place...until I moved in.

    No, the ENFJ is just socially retarded. He honestly means well, but doesn't really realize that it's not OK to pat my ISTJ on the head. Or talk REALLY REALLY LOUDLY (he pipes down when I tell him though). Or go around knocking on neighbors doors to"socialize" with them. He has no other friends, can't keep a job, and his roommates are always chasing him out the house because he unintentiionally annoys them.

    Anyway. My ISTJ dislikes a lot of my friends, but since they don't cook for me, I don't like staying home anyway, and I head out their way, and it's a non-issue.

    Tomorrow's going to suck though, because I'll be out with friends tomorrow night, and after bars close, we always go to each others' places to chill out on the living room, chat, watch TV, order pizza, 420 ourselves, etc and crash.

    I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like me bringing my 5 noisy, drunk friends over to smoke weed and crash for the night, which means I'll crash at someone else's place, and I don't want him getting pissy about it. I just set the plans up tonight, so I'll bring it up tomorrow.
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  2. #42
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Outsider View Post
    I'm intrigued by the fact that you have a personal ENFJ that regularly comes over and cooks for you. Is that normal outside of my little world?
    He LOVES cooking, and well, he has no other friends, so hey. Shrimp linguine ftw!
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  3. #43
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    ^ This.

    ^ And this too.
    Edit: And everything @CzeCze said!

    Honestly, if you're going to keep that sort of confrontational attitude, I'm a little concerned as to how this'll turn out. Your ISTJ thinks everything is ok for a reason, i.e. if he's like me and like the other STJs I know, making necessary commitments, sacrifices, and allowances are second-nature and not terribly difficult. With healthy xSTJs, commitment is a way of life, in romantic relationships and all others. (And before you get nit-picky about my phrasing, I say "commitment" because that's, in my mind, the opposite of the idea that your living there is temporary, and the opposite of the idea that if things don't go your way, you're leaving. Like Kai said, those little arguments about the cereal on the floor will do your relationship in unless the attitude about it is chill.) EDIT: So what I mean is, he's doing fine (discounting the thing with your ENFJ friend, and regarding that I 100% agree with Randomnity) -- so I'm guessing that if you changed your attitude about his control-freakery (and also kept up a permanent, honest line of communication with him, to avoid resentment building up), all this tension would pretty much go away.

    Also, any spouse of an xSTJ can attest that the nagging will never, ever go away, so you might as well get used to that.
    How am I being confrontational?

    I'm just not a doormat, that's all.

    Anyway. Fine if he nags. But let me pick the damn cheerio up and then shaddup. Don't follow me around for 10 minutes bitching when I'm trying to get ready for work.
    3w4-9w1-?w6 (nearly headless nick)
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  4. #44
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Wasn't this an issue with your ENTJ lothario whom you so cruelly spurned?

    In this case though it seems it's just that specific ENFJ that your ISTJ takes issue with?

    I don't think the issue is that you're friends with the ENFJ but that the ENFJ is coming over to the house. If you even agree that the ENFJ 'gets in his space' then you can see why the ISTJ doesn't want him over. I think how this gets resolved will also depend on the other compromises you make around the house and also how often and what kind of folks the ISTJ invites over.
    Don't even mention that ex.

    My ISTJ is nothing like that nutbag. And yeah, unlike the nutbag, it's not jealousy, he just finds them annoying. But like I said, I made a point to not bring them home. Except for the ENFJ, who comes over to cook anywhere from 1x a week to 1x every other week. (Not twice a week. We go to the beach or wherever else half the time.)
    3w4-9w1-?w6 (nearly headless nick)
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  5. #45
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    He honestly means well, but doesn't really realize that it's not OK to pat my ISTJ on the head.
    That's amazing.

  6. #46
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    He came over a lot. He seemed to be just fine with the way I had things and still asked me to move in with him. And he never nagged me at his place...until I moved in.

    No, the ENFJ is just socially retarded. He honestly means well, but doesn't really realize that it's not OK to pat my ISTJ on the head. Or talk REALLY REALLY LOUDLY (he pipes down when I tell him though). Or go around knocking on neighbors doors to"socialize" with them. He has no other friends, can't keep a job, and his roommates are always chasing him out the house because he unintentiionally annoys them.

    Anyway. My ISTJ dislikes a lot of my friends, but since they don't cook for me, I don't like staying home anyway, and I head out their way, and it's a non-issue.

    Tomorrow's going to suck though, because I'll be out with friends tomorrow night, and after bars close, we always go to each others' places to chill out on the living room, chat, watch TV, order pizza, 420 ourselves, etc and crash.

    I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like me bringing my 5 noisy, drunk friends over to smoke weed and crash for the night, which means I'll crash at someone else's place, and I don't want him getting pissy about it. I just set the plans up tonight, so I'll bring it up tomorrow.

    Wow. I don't know what to say, aside from I can't even imagine my SO contemplating this scenario. Pissy wouldn't even begin to describe my feelings on being awoken by a bunch of high fucktards.

    I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like me bringing my 5 noisy, drunk friends over to smoke weed and crash for the night, which means I'll crash at someone else's place, and I don't want him getting pissy about it. I just set the plans up tonight, so I'll bring it up tomorrow.
    And this would make me feel like I'm the handler of a special needs person without my consent.....

    No, the ENFJ is just socially retarded. He honestly means well, but doesn't really realize that it's not OK to pat my ISTJ on the head. Or talk REALLY REALLY LOUDLY (he pipes down when I tell him though). Or go around knocking on neighbors doors to"socialize" with them. He has no other friends, can't keep a job, and his roommates are always chasing him out the house because he unintentiionally annoys them.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  7. #47
    Senior Member Owfin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like me bringing my 5 noisy, drunk friends over to smoke weed and crash for the night, which means I'll crash at someone else's place, and I don't want him getting pissy about it. I just set the plans up tonight, so I'll bring it up tomorrow.
    I'd get pretty pissy about it too. My annoyance might accidentally bleed into other aspects of life, and this may be what is happening for him.

    ISTJs highly value our private, quiet, all-to-our-self time. I can get pretty snappish when it's interrupted. When you aren't looking, when the ENFJ friend is yelling, the ISTJ is probably wincing.

    Under normal circumstances, I would not be mad about a cheerio, but I can get very nitpicky and accusatory on minor things like that when I'm annoyed.
    Last edited by Owfin; 02-03-2012 at 08:13 AM.
    I don't see any invisible treasure chests.

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  8. #48
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Outsider View Post
    That's amazing.
    Don't think I let him get away with that. I tore him a new assh-le right then and there.
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  9. #49
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    @ceecee

    I'm 99% sure the ENFJ has Asperger's Syndrome, but he REFUSES to see a doctor. He brags about not having seen one since childhood.
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  10. #50
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Anyway, I spoke to the ISTJ before I left for work, and he accepted that I'd crash at someone else's place (which I would've done, regardless of his "approval". I don't need his permission to do what I want).

    He made a big episode out of "trusting" me to not get tempted by other guys, etc. Pretty silly, as I went out all the same, before I moved in.

    I'm learning that oft-spoken truth...you don't know *jack shit* about a person until live with them.

    But that's not necessarily bad. He loves listening to me sing in the shower, for instance. I love how he likes to philosophize with me before we fall asleep.

    oh ew, MUSHYYY....
    3w4-9w1-?w6 (nearly headless nick)
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