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  1. #21
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    * My not noticing a goddamn cheerio on the floor. I'm not a slob, but this cheerio managed to fall down on the floor and roll under a corner without my having noticed it. I don't do a thorough wall-to-wall floor-to-ceiling 360-degree face-to-ground inspection 24/7, so come on.
    Why the over-exaggeration? That's not a healthy attitude with ISTJs. Whatever it is, you seem to be full of passive aggressive emotions about this particular issue with him. You should first figure out why you yourself react so strongly on this, before you can complain about his issues.

    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    * My friend coming over. The ISTJ hates him, because he talks very loudly and gets in his personal space (I think there's something wrong with him - he's a really nice ENFJ, but I think he has Asperger's Syndrome). I enjoy the ENFJ, but every time he comes, the ISTJ gets pissy. These are reasonable hours, too.
    What's "his personal space"? Is it the whole apartment, or the immediate vicinity (touching, standing too close, etc)? The former is a problem on his part, but the latter is more about poor social skills on ENFJ's part.

    ISTJs can be actually very reasonable, just as long as you can provide a rationale on your behalf. We just have tendency to worry and stress about things we can't predict or control.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
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  2. #22
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by River View Post
    I'm going to repeat myself. Turning it from just being their home into a shared one will take time. So it feels, to your istj, as an invasion of space.

    Living with a partner is different from having a room mate. Having someone over they don't like is not a simple issue of 'well i pay rent' but involves your consideration for their feelings and respect for their wants and needs. This does go both ways naturally. So sit down your istj and talk to them about how important it is that said enfj comes over and see where it goes from there.
    I don't think that's very fair. Especially since he was the one to keep asking and offering. Why am I paying half his rent if I have absolutely no say? Are you telling me that just because he was there first, I should accept his selfishness? He had his way 100% when he was paying 100% of his rent. And now he's not.

    IMO, I'm being pretty fair about it. I don't let the ENFJ roam around the house, he stays in the kitchen, the living room, or the backyard. He cleans up after himself (at my insistence), and I shoo him out by 9pm if it's a weeknight. He's not there every day either. We see each other maybe once or twice a week - most of the time, we're meeting at HIS place or elsewhere.
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  3. #23
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    I talked to my ISTJ by the way. He was surprised when I suggested that maybe I should move back out. He thinks everything's peachy keen, apparently. He said he nags everyone in his house, and that if I stop inviting "abnormal people" over, life would be all kittens and sunshine.

    Not sure what to make of it. At least he was honest about being naggy, but that's going to annoy me, quickly.
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  4. #24
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antimony View Post
    Don't leave food in the microwave. Match those socks. Ban the dust bunnies. Attempt to have some kind of routine.

    Haha, good luck.
    :yim_rolling_on_the_

    EDIT:
    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    I don't think that's very fair. Especially since he was the one to keep asking and offering. Why am I paying half his rent if I have absolutely no say? Are you telling me that just because he was there first, I should accept his selfishness? He had his way 100% when he was paying 100% of his rent. And now he's not.

    IMO, I'm being pretty fair about it. I don't let the ENFJ roam around the house, he stays in the kitchen, the living room, or the backyard. He cleans up after himself (at my insistence), and I shoo him out by 9pm if it's a weeknight. He's not there every day either. We see each other maybe once or twice a week - most of the time, we're meeting at HIS place or elsewhere.
    • Fair in what regard? Are you sure it is a SO you have/want or a roommate?
    • Could it be you're just tagging along with your alleged SO out of convenience rather then commitment?
    • I have (no) doubts such dynamic is (not) fitting of a "let's move in together" scenario.
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  5. #25
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    How do I get him to accept my ENFJ friend? (see 1st page).

    They don't need to be best friends or anything, but I don't really enjoy the constant complaining.

    It's not like the ISTJ can't just go into another room or just go take a hike for a little while, but he still complains. The ENFJ is messy (though I make him clean up)...but beyond that, it's ridiculous.

    (He's stopping by to hang out around 7, and the ISTJ is already being a baby about it.)

    EDIT: Also, the ENFJ *cooks* for me! And he'd cook for the ISTJ too, but he refuses due to his rather iffy food prep hygiene (I admit that, though I've never gotten sick from it, lol).
    Is the ISTJ jealous of the ENFJ? What kind of past do you have?

  6. #26
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    I don't think that's very fair. Especially since he was the one to keep asking and offering. Why am I paying half his rent if I have absolutely no say? Are you telling me that just because he was there first, I should accept his selfishness? He had his way 100% when he was paying 100% of his rent. And now he's not.

    IMO, I'm being pretty fair about it. I don't let the ENFJ roam around the house, he stays in the kitchen, the living room, or the backyard. He cleans up after himself (at my insistence), and I shoo him out by 9pm if it's a weeknight. He's not there every day either. We see each other maybe once or twice a week - most of the time, we're meeting at HIS place or elsewhere.
    I would suggest dropping the idea that "I pay 50% rent, therefore I'm entitled to 50% of the decision making within this household" since ultimately that sort of attitude will end up destroying your relationship. To take a more extreme example, it's like those couples who keep exact tabs on how much is being given, taken and shared exactly.

    Rather than taking the view that "I pay 50% therefore X", I would suggest taking on the view "I have my own needs that need to be met in this relationship" where it becomes more an issue of compromise between both individuals than a defined line which is more similar to how flatmates would typically utilise and respond with. This sort of mentality is especially more important for those in those traditional relationships where one's partner earns more than the others and then starts feeling like they are entitled to more because of their earning-funding powers.

    In this situation, it's clear that he'll need to compromise to cater to your needs (i.e. friendship) not because you pay 50% rent, but because you are his partner.

  7. #27
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Hmmm, it doesn't sound like it's getting off to a good start. Shouldn't a couple just moving in together be lovey dovey at this point? What made you move in with him?

  8. #28
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Is the ISTJ jealous of the ENFJ? What kind of past do you have?
    I doubt it, that would be stupid. He's just my annoying friend and that's all he'll ever be.
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  9. #29
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    I would suggest dropping the idea that "I pay 50% rent, therefore I'm entitled to 50% of the decision making within this household" since ultimately that sort of attitude will end up destroying your relationship. To take a more extreme example, it's like those couples who keep exact tabs on how much is being given, taken and shared exactly.

    Rather than taking the view that "I pay 50% therefore X", I would suggest taking on the view "I have my own needs that need to be met in this relationship" where it becomes more an issue of compromise between both individuals than a defined line which is more similar to how flatmates would typically utilise and respond with. This sort of mentality is especially more important for those in those traditional relationships where one's partner earns more than the others and then starts feeling like they are entitled to more because of their earning-funding powers.

    In this situation, it's clear that he'll need to compromise to cater to your needs (i.e. friendship) not because you pay 50% rent, but because you are his partner.
    Well, I'm not a doormat. Sorry. But there shouldn't have been anything that needed compromising to begin with, since I was completely within my rights to have a friend over for the early evening.

    Anyway, we talked it over, and he said he just doesn't like my friend. I'm sorry, but isn't that his own problem? My friends are my friends, and I'm not changing that. Tough cookies.
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  10. #30
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Hmmm, it doesn't sound like it's getting off to a good start. Shouldn't a couple just moving in together be lovey dovey at this point? What made you move in with him?
    He kept asking, and I figured "hey, why not". I could always move out if it wasn't working.

    Believe it or not, 99% of the time, we're totally lovey dovey. Literally we've only bickered about his OCD tendencies and his hatred of my friend.

    But I don't mention the mushy love part here in this thread, because there's no problem to solve. And I get kind of fiery at the specific 1% of things we've bickered about.
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