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  1. #21
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    How?
    Nevermind. I'm glad you two talked. Keep up the talking and counseling.

  2. #22
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    I have actually been with an ISTJ and I know what you're talking about. From your frustrations that he doesn't show his love (which he probably does, but in a different way. do you know there are 5 languages of love? many ISTJs express their love by doing small things for you) to you feeling like you need him when you want to break up. I don't have any answers for you, but I do understand very well what your confusion is, so it might be indicative of general ENFP-ISTJ relationships. I also read the comments of other people and I think they are somewhat missing the point....I think you can't really understand it unless you experience it yourself, and I just wanted to let you know that I do understand you.

  3. #23
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I understand it too. I have experienced the same thing before. I'm not going to say it's type related because I don't think it is. It's more individual for both you and him. Sometimes people are just not so compatible and if you're both dedicated to staying together then you both need to work a little harder at things.

  4. #24
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    the thing about the bar is a little worrying, but for me wouldn't be a dealbreaker on its own. if that's the only thing wrong in an otherwise great relationship, all the "omgz run" talk is excessive imo. If it's a symptom of an underlying attitude, that's completely different. Have you tried telling him that you don't feel secure about your looks/you want compliments/etc along those lines? He doesn't sound like a bad guy from your description - sounds more like you guys don't understand what the other person is saying.
    -end of thread-

  5. #25
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    He sounds like a 'virtuous' religious man. When I think of him that way I think I understand where he's coming from. The 'being together by choice' is a good thing, although it might sound a bit unromantic, ultimately it's healthy. But I think you need to work on your self esteem issue a bit if you're to have a happy marriage with this man.

    I agree that you both need to learn how to communicate better. ISTJs are normally not verbally expressive, but they have very strong feelings inside -- feelings they sometimes don't know how to deal with. Maybe he expresses his love differently. Once you know more about each other's needs you'll both be much happier.

    Anyway, good luck
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  6. #26
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    He sounds like he's kind of dense when it comes to expressing himself in relation to you. Everything he says that can be interpreted as 'bad' is countered by an action from him that is 'good'. Like someone said he's not the most eloquent with words but he sounds like he loves you and cares for you.

    I've seen your chattering teeth for a while now on this board, talking about this dude. It sounds like you're in a valley right now with your emotions. Don't make any rash decisions based off this feedback. Why not re-read some of your past posts and see if you see that same pattern?

  7. #27
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    I have actually been with an ISTJ and I know what you're talking about. From your frustrations that he doesn't show his love (which he probably does, but in a different way. do you know there are 5 languages of love? many ISTJs express their love by doing small things for you) to you feeling like you need him when you want to break up. I don't have any answers for you, but I do understand very well what your confusion is, so it might be indicative of general ENFP-ISTJ relationships. I also read the comments of other people and I think they are somewhat missing the point....I think you can't really understand it unless you experience it yourself, and I just wanted to let you know that I do understand you.
    Thank you, I appreciate what message. We actually just read the love languages book, i lead with words/quality time his is service/words/quality time. I know that i can sometimes miss his ways of showing me love. It's just mind blowing to think that a guy doesnt know the right kinds of things to say to girls. lol. You would think if words is a big one for him, he would pay more attention to the things he says

  8. #28
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    He sounds like a 'virtuous' religious man. When I think of him that way I think I understand where he's coming from. The 'being together by choice' is a good thing, although it might sound a bit unromantic, ultimately it's healthy. But I think you need to work on your self esteem issue a bit if you're to have a happy marriage with this man.

    I agree that you both need to learn how to communicate better. ISTJs are normally not verbally expressive, but they have very strong feelings inside -- feelings they sometimes don't know how to deal with. Maybe he expresses his love differently. Once you know more about each other's needs you'll both be much happier.

    Anyway, good luck
    Thank you. I think you are right. The being together by choice thing still makes me feel uncomfortable, but i understand it. I have to say out loud to him, knowing how ridiculous it is, that I sometimes need that magical, idealistic things in relationships. If it's the one night where we stare at the stars, him writing a song for me, us crying our eyes out together but growing stronger, sometimes I need that WOW moment. And Just hearing that love can be a choice takes away from the idealistic love that i know i sometimes long for-which can be unfair to any non NF to have to deal with, i am aware lol. He said that he loves me and he doesnt want to live a life without me as a friend or a lover therefore he chooses to be with me and that a long way down the road of marriage there will be times where we will have to chose to love and not walk away if we have problems, ya know?

    But do they though? Do they have strong feelings? At least for other humans? lol I mean, I've seen him get worked out and get emotional, but it wasnt about me, or about anyone but rather about moral choices made by others, work, or stress.

  9. #29
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    He sounds like he's kind of dense when it comes to expressing himself in relation to you. Everything he says that can be interpreted as 'bad' is countered by an action from him that is 'good'. Like someone said he's not the most eloquent with words but he sounds like he loves you and cares for you.

    I've seen your chattering teeth for a while now on this board, talking about this dude. It sounds like you're in a valley right now with your emotions. Don't make any rash decisions based off this feedback. Why not re-read some of your past posts and see if you see that same pattern?
    I do remember you helping me in the past.

    I do not want to break off our relationship, I just want to be able to sort what I am thinking and feeling so I can tell him rationally what I want/need and what he can do or what I can do to help us. I love this board so much because I am able to just..sort out everything. everyone here helps me look at different points of views and motives and it helps so much. I also want to make sure that he understands what he wants too and not just loving me because i'm here and i'm available.

    It's like, if his Love Language is Words, shouldn't he be well at speaking them??

  10. #30
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Thank you, I appreciate what message. We actually just read the love languages book, i lead with words/quality time his is service/words/quality time. I know that i can sometimes miss his ways of showing me love. It's just mind blowing to think that a guy doesnt know the right kinds of things to say to girls. lol. You would think if words is a big one for him, he would pay more attention to the things he says
    I'm going to get all up in your shit for the bolded. Why would you even think because someone is male they automatically know what to say to a female? Do you always know what to say 100% of the time or do you think it's all a joke which is why you end everything with that fucking lol and that makes it ok? I think you are projecting what you think he should say then freaking out when he doesn't. It doesn't work that way. I hope that the premarital consulting is with a therapist and not someone unqualified such as a priest or pastor (unless they are licensed to provide therapy as well). You very well may not be comparable and hopefully if you are working with a professional, they'll tell you that.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

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