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  1. #1
    Anew Leaf
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    Default How to deal with esfj employee?

    I have this employee who tested as ESFJ and she definitely fits the bill. I genuinely like her and find her to be a pleasant addition to our team. However, there are days when she drives me absolutely insane.

    The main issue is how "needy" she comes off to me. She constantly fishes for compliments on how she's doing at her job (I feel that I give adequate feedback in the form of "great job with x today!" or "you made a small mistake here, but we can easily fix it by doing y. No big deal!"), if I am talking to another employee she will stop what she is working on and come over to "be a part of our conversation", when she has made mistakes she acts like it's the end of the world (tears, near tears, apologies for days on end), and comes in on her day off to see what we are up to that day.

    Suffice to say, I find myself withdrawing from too much interaction with her because I get overloaded with need.

    So what I am asking, is there something I can do to try and offset our different approaches to things? (some happy medium to where I don't have to go too outside of my box.)

    Thanks for any and all replies. .

  2. #2
    Glycerine
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    From my experience with my ESFJ dad, he loves to be appreciated and hates feeling like he "let you down".... aka making a mistake concerning another person. It almost seems like his self-worth is contingent on not "failing" and "disappointing" others. I would say make sure to make it absolutely clear and definite that she didn't "fail" you...she knows where she stands with you.

  3. #3
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    From my experience with my ESFJ dad, he loves to be appreciated and hates feeling like he "let you down".... aka making a mistake concerning another person. It almost seems like his self-worth is contingent on not "failing" and "disappointing" others. I would say make sure to make it absolutely clear and definite that she didn't "fail" you...she knows where she stands with you.
    @bold, that is the vibe I get from her too.

  4. #4
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    You are a brave woman, Saturned.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CrystalViolet View Post
    You are a brave woman, Saturned.
    What constructive advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I have this employee who tested as ESFJ and she definitely fits the bill. I genuinely like her and find her to be a pleasant addition to our team. However, there are days when she drives me absolutely insane.

    The main issue is how "needy" she comes off to me. She constantly fishes for compliments on how she's doing at her job (I feel that I give adequate feedback in the form of "great job with x today!" or "you made a small mistake here, but we can easily fix it by doing y. No big deal!"), if I am talking to another employee she will stop what she is working on and come over to "be a part of our conversation", when she has made mistakes she acts like it's the end of the world (tears, near tears, apologies for days on end), and comes in on her day off to see what we are up to that day.

    Suffice to say, I find myself withdrawing from too much interaction with her because I get overloaded with need.

    So what I am asking, is there something I can do to try and offset our different approaches to things? (some happy medium to where I don't have to go too outside of my box.)

    Thanks for any and all replies. .
    Ask one day if you can have lunch with her at the work canteen or something and tell her what you feel in a way that won't shred her confidence. Tell her you appreciate the great job she's doing but also that making a mistake isn't that big of a deal and give an example if possible. She may want to join in what you lot are doing because she feels like an outsider and possible have confidence issues. They can be forthcoming opening up when they don't feel like they are being attacked (my mother anyway). I find these guys to be so loyal when the shit has hit the fan and they'll do whatever they can to help.

    Hope this helps.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  6. #6
    Senior Member ColonelGadaafi's Avatar
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    tell her to stop being so needy and grow some self-esteem, lol.
    "Where can you flee? What road will you use to escape us? Our horses are swift, our arrows sharp, our swords like thunderbolts, our hearts as hard as the mountains, our soldiers as numerous as the sand. Fortresses will not detain us, nor arms stop us. Your prayers to God will not avail against us. We are not moved by tears nor touched by lamentations."

  7. #7
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    SJ's tend to like rules and structure so tell her and all the other employees that you're restructuring how you do quality control, feedback and employee evaluation in order to keep things streamlined. Make a memo to give to everyone or something if you have to so she doesn't feel singled out or sit down with each employee and explain it. Say that you want to limit feedback to certain times and by certain methods (whatever you choose those to be). Include whatever else you want too.

    Resist any pull you may feel from her to become BFF's because this is bizness! She'll eventually accept it.

  8. #8
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    Fire her.





    Wait, is she hot?
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

    Quinlan's Creations

  9. #9
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    From my (extensive ) experience with needy Fe -- and with Enneagram 2s (which she might be) -- everyone's advice so far is great. The key is making sure that she knows where she stands with you. She's neurotic about wanting to be useful and handy and not a failure, and if you are consistently honest with her (use your Te!), she'll trust you and will probably gain some confidence from your input -- meaning she won't be as whiny about it later. Also, when she joins into conversations like that, respecting her input and including her, without giving a vibe like she's a charity case. But like Giggly said, remember that this is business, and if you start going fake-Fe on her in response, she'll think it's real and you want to be friends.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  10. #10
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    she could be ennea 6, too, and feel unstable. that drives us nuuuuuuts. if i'm uncertain i will fish for a concrete answer as to where i stand in a relationship (being sx and all) because otherwise it occupies my headspace 24/7 and i get physical malady from it - vague nausea and vertigo feelings for dayz.

    i think telling her where she stands with you is your best bet all-around.

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