User Tag List

First 123 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 22

  1. #11
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,927

    Default

    OK, I'm going to be blunt.
    I have ZERO patience for "attention seeking" or "drama" or people being "over-friendly" at my job.
    One of my best friends works at the same place as I do, in fact we're in the same unit, but unless we're working on something together we hardly see each other.
    IMHO, this is part of being PROFESSIONAL. You are at your job to WORK, not to SOCIALIZE.

    Other tidbits of wisdom from bloodbaths at jobs prior...

    (1) People who like to TALK ALOT to YOU - also TALK ALOT to OTHER PEOPLE. They might very well just regurgitate EVERYTHING you said to them to someone else, with ZERO regard if doing so has any negative impact on you whatsoever. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that there are people out ther who will in fact INTENTIONALLY use anything you say to them as a means to cause trouble for you. Believe it.

    (2) There's at least "one little jealous fucker" at every job. Average workers typically resent top performers, regardless if they are assholes OR good people or not, it doesn't matter. They are jealous because they are not getting raises, high profile projects, or promotions because they sit on their asses and produce average work. So, MISERY LOVES COMPANY, and once you're near the top of the hill, watch your back, there are plenty of folks who want to stick a steak knife in it. Little backstabber fucktards.

    (3) Be wary of ANYONE who tries to "make friends with you" at the office, ESPECIALLY if you are their SUPERVISOR. I am blessed and have many wonderful friendships in my life. When I do meet new, cool people at a job, I keep them at the colleague level, until one or both of us leaves for a new position, and then I'll go hang out with them if we still keep up with each other. Play it safe. Good jobs are hard to come by. Real friends don't go anywhere, they keep in touch with you, if you keep in touch with them.

    (4) TWO is a CONVERSATION, THREE is a CROWD.

    (5) I hate it when people exaggerate their prior accomplishments to me. It really bores me, and I think it is disgustingly juvenile. I tell such people "Hey, I don't mind if you lie to your friends, but don't lie to me, OK?"

    (6) When someone just starts emotionally vomitting all over me with all the gopped up gnarly details of their fukt relationship with their S.O. and how much of a bitch their sister is, and how their car is always broken , and wah-wah-wah - go call a fucking Wahhh-mbulance. It makes me sick. I simply tell them "Look, I'm sorry if you're going through a rough time, but I have alot of work to do, and I want to be home on time to eat dinner with my family. So, if you have any work related questions let me know. Otherwise, I hope things straighten out for you soon. Good luck."

    (7) When in doubt, make sure you have a witness. Preferably someone in management, or at least your level on the "totem pole."

    (8) The HR Department's job is to protect MANAGEMENT, not to protect YOU. More people get shit-canned after seeking assistance from their HR Department than you would ever imagine. If someone is giving you a hard time at the office, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING (e-mails, photos, videos, witnesses, all of it!) and build a case. Take it to your supervisor, and have them talk to the fucktard's supervisor. Don't forget to start looking for another job just in case, because if things get shitty, it's alot easier to leave than hope for a shitty job to get better.

    (9) Don't EVER volunteer information.

    (10) Bad news does not get better with time.

    (11) DO NOT GOSSIP. If people try to gossip with you simply excuse yourself, they'll get the point.



    -Alex
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  2. #12
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    1,092

    Default

    How old is she? And how old are you?

    Yes, this is a valid question.

    Some young people may think they have their act together, but their emotional maturity and coping mechanisms are still developing. Enabling their insecurities and co-dependency on your positive feedback is not helpful, neither to you as a professional nor to her as a developing adult. You're her supervisor, not her friend, and limits must be put in place and firmly, but not unkindly, enforced. However, if she's some young 20-something, I'd make these lessons more of a gentle nudge than a hammer, and you need to not take it too personally if she Kermit-flails in a tearful mess the first time you enforce your space or voice your professional concerns about her behavior at the workplace. Don't internalize problems that aren't yours. Sometimes growth hurts but she needs to learn what is and is not appropriate at the workplace. If she doesn't learn it from you, she'll learn it from someone else, and it'll probably hurt more.

    If you are young as well and reasonably close to her in age, she may be having a problem where she sees you as a peer instead of a superior. If she doesn't understand the difference between the amiable emotional distance of a daily workplace acquaintance and the intimate, emotional bonding that happens in true friendship, again, she needs to learn. These relationship types can sometimes overlap, but this should not be the expectation.

    However, if she is basically old enough to know better, this is not an issue that you need to nurture or handle with kid gloves, this is a full-blown personality flaw in an adult. Have a frank discussion with her about the inappropriateness of her showing up at her place of employment to hang out and socialize when you're trying to work, make it clear what the nature of your professional relationship is and what it is not, and make it very clear that if she goes fishing for more compliments than you are independently volunteering, your feedback may not always be complimentary. People who go fishing sometimes get sharks. :P

    @Halla74 makes some very good points, too. She could be sucking up and trying to get an "in" with her superior and making herself out to be a delicate little Fe flower to play on your empathy and force a bond. Before you deny that this is happening, some people are such good actors, and the reasons for their actions can be such a convoluted jumble, that they even fool themselves. Just be aware that it can happen.
    Never wrestle with a pig. You will get dirty and the pig will enjoy it.



  3. #13
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    From what I can gather, this woman wants to do a good job and be a valued by you. However in her desperation to do so, she is behaving in such a way that is actually negating this intention, if not having the opposite effect altogether. Therefore it is not unimaginable that some well-intentioned, constructive advice on how she can improve her workplace conduct (ie. chill the hell out) may actually be welcomed by her. It may be that she feels such uncertainty about how she should behave and then clutches at straws in an attempt to guess. Some explicit advice on what not to do could give her the direction she desires and help your situation also. It's possible that she feels uncertain about what you want from her, because your INFP communication style isn't clear and precise enough for a EJ, and so she seeks further affirmation. A INFP is always going to be more comfortable with vagaries and open-endedness than a ESFJ. This is not to say that you are doing a bad job - only that sometimes we forget that others have different needs than our own.

    This is not to say that she mightn't have neediness issues on top of this - that probably would complicate things further.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  4. #14
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    9,133

    Default


  5. #15
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    Additional thoughts: I wasn't trying to insinuate "don't criticize" her but she needs clear and precise feedback on what's she's doing good and bad most likely. I am guessing she's trying to feel the group out and wants to be a bit more integrated into the group. I doubt that she's trying to suck up to you and become friends but that it's probably more about that she's not exactly sure about the group rules so she's floundering... the downfall of clumsy Fe.

  6. #16
    Anew Leaf
    Guest

    Default

    Some great posts here that I am thinking about before responding further.

    @Pettycure; I am 33 and she is 42.

    @Halla74: great points, but unfortunately a lot don't work so well for me. I own my business and it's very small (about 6 part timers), and all women.

    Update: Baby talk has entered the lexicon . She will be talking normal and then to be extra perky/friendly/what have you, she will start talking in a baby talk voice.

    I need to hire an NTJ

  7. #17
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    iSFj
    Enneagram
    2 sx/so
    Posts
    9,666

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    Additional thoughts: I wasn't trying to insinuate "don't criticize" her but she needs clear and precise feedback on what's she's doing good and bad most likely. I am guessing she's trying to feel the group out and wants to be a bit more integrated into the group. I doubt that she's trying to suck up to you and become friends but that it's probably more about that she's not exactly sure about the group rules so she's floundering... the downfall of clumsy Fe.
    Agreed.

  8. #18
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Some great posts here that I am thinking about before responding further.

    Update: Baby talk has entered the lexicon . She will be talking normal and then to be extra perky/friendly/what have you, she will start talking in a baby talk voice.
    Seriously!?!? I don't know what to say but I want to sincerely apologize for that. You have so much patience..... I would want to chew her out by that point.....

    Uh oh, stop it NOW! She's probably trying to cement her role in the group now. If she's the oldest, it's probably going to the "mother hen" role. When EFJs have no idea where they stand in the group, they tend to default to the "father" or "mother" role.

    Set the boundaries very clearly. Use the sandwich technique if you have to: say something positive, then negative, then positive to walk around her sensitivity.

    EDIT: if all else fails, she just might not be the best fit for your company.

  9. #19
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    MBTI
    ESFJ
    Enneagram
    2w3 so/sp
    Socionics
    ESFj Ti
    Posts
    1,076

    Default

    Regarding any criticism, make it seem impersonal, like "this is how we do things around here" rather than "please get away from me." Stepping it up a notch, weird looks and silence go a long way.
    {The Diplomat}
    Slytherpuff
    s|L|OAx
    Meow.

  10. #20
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    3,823

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post

    (3) Be wary of ANYONE who tries to "make friends with you" at the office, ESPECIALLY if you are their SUPERVISOR. I am blessed and have many wonderful friendships in my life. When I do meet new, cool people at a job, I keep them at the colleague level, until one or both of us leaves for a new position, and then I'll go hang out with them if we still keep up with each other. Play it safe. Good jobs are hard to come by. Real friends don't go anywhere, they keep in touch with you, if you keep in touch with them.
    Hey Halla,

    Now that you've up and moved states, do you have any extra thoughts on this subject when you're a rolling stone just beginning to gather moss?
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] How to deal with ESFJs
    By elizamay in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 11-19-2009, 10:43 AM
  2. [MBTItm] How to deal with thinkers emotional blocked-ness?
    By JuneBugGemini in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 121
    Last Post: 05-05-2009, 08:16 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO