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  1. #1
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    Default ENFP Female + ISTJ male-How to make it work

    I dated an ISTJ for a month and a half, but things were going too fast because we have very strong chemistry and it freaked him out. Now, I wasn't rushing him. I just wanted to enjoy getting to know each other. He was very regimented in his approach at dating which I had NEVER encountered before, and that freaked me out.

    So he broke things off with a view to establishing a strong friendship first. (We started dating when we had first met.) I made the HUGE mistake of whining, crying, and trying to convince him that we should stay together for the next month after that until I realized it was pointless and only infuriating him. REALLY infuriating him as he wants to be in control at all times. And of course, he said he wants to be right. Being an extremely intelligent and well-traveled female we nearly came to blows over the quest for being right/in control. We are both very stubborn people, but I care more about peace and harmony than being right. I approached the subject a few more times only to get burned by the dragon who guards his cave.

    Now it has been 6 months that we've been broken up today. We see each other every day as we do volunteer ministry (didn't want you to think we were on probation or something!) work together, and it is obviously by his expressions that he is greatly leaning towards getting back together. Being an NF, I'm now really focused on making things work if we do get back together. We can't seem to get each other out of our skins. We have talked about getting back together, but he is afraid the past will repeat itself and that we won't get along. We NEVER fight in person as we are both in tune through non-verbal communication. Both of us have made major strides in developing mutual respect and understanding of one another. However, what advice can you give me to make it work. I really love this guy. He is the most respectable, lovable, affectionate person who has more than exceeded my expectations on what I want/need, not to mention that I still get butterflies every time he glances at me.

    HELP me not screw it up, please!

  2. #2
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    define your boundaries, define your goals. let him know what he's in for. don't let him control everything. you are as important in a relationship as he is.

    if he's not willing to do that, then move on.

  3. #3
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    Wow...I really like that!

  4. #4
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    the good thing about being polar opposites is that,
    you operate on the same wave-length,
    but from different perspectives

    its difficult to look to your shadow for guidance
    but its the most potent and hidden wisdom in that,
    under stress, your " opposite " self appears

    doing so may be of great benefit,
    but it starts within
    and if he cannot or will not do the same
    ISTJ or not..........its not a relationship
    right ?
    I N V I C T U S

  5. #5
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dissonance View Post
    define your boundaries, define your goals. let him know what he's in for. don't let him control everything. you are as important in a relationship as he is.

    if he's not willing to do that, then move on.
    Excellent
    I N V I C T U S

  6. #6
    Member Lindaxo's Avatar
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    I would love to see more answers to this question. My dad is an ISTJ and I'm an ENFP and we can get along for about 10 minutes... and thats it.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Cality's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lindaxo View Post
    I would love to see more answers to this question. My dad is an ISTJ and I'm an ENFP and we can get along for about 10 minutes... and thats it.

    why are you an ENTJ in your profile then?

  8. #8
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    It will take lots of understanding and lots of learning from a different personality but it will pay off.

  9. #9
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    Let's keep this alive, shall we?

  10. #10
    Member Dizzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SPARKles View Post
    I dated an ISTJ for a month and a half, but things were going too fast because we have very strong chemistry and it freaked him out. Now, I wasn't rushing him. I just wanted to enjoy getting to know each other. He was very regimented in his approach at dating which I had NEVER encountered before, and that freaked me out.



    HELP me not screw it up, please!
    Hi Junior,

    As a dutyfulfiller, an ISTJ can feel like he obligated to stay within a relationship, he actually should get out of. Once he makes that decision he can be very stubborn and stick with this decision, I know this from my own experience. Thing is it is hard for us to communicate our feelings and level with extraverts like you. One thing that could work is writing down your feelings and hopes and ask him to reply on that.
    I found out that I am far better at communicating my feelings through that. Got me through a lot of hussle with my dad. Problem is though that my mom who is quite stubborn refuses to read my thought when we are in a fight.

    But this obsession for control, I don't think that is a ISTJ thing. I have no need to have total control and frankly I don't think that is a very good thing either...

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