Awww you son sounds sooo cute!! You and his relationship does seem very strong
such an encouragement!!
Be encouraged. The fact that you care about these things says a lot in the first place, imo.
I think this is where i am worried, I guess I feel like kids look at my more like a 'friend' than someone who is 'in charge'. (and I am in my 20s)
I don't think children look at me as someone who is "in charge" either. Perhaps they see me as someone who is safe and who they can trust to be in the lead when they are lost or in need of guidance or protection, but not necessarily someone who is "in charge". I set clear and firm limits when I feel it necessary, but my parenting style does not place emphasis on authority and control.
I find this when I babysit or even hang out with kids who are like 6 or 7. If I try and take charge, I feel bad. Like, I don't want to hurt kids' feelings or be the bad guy. It's like I want them to like me/be my friend and also respect me as an adult.
No, of course not. Why would you want to hurt a child's feelings? Not my thing either. Of course, I unintentionally do it sometimes because I occasionally lack the ability or the know-how, in the moment, to handle things differently. When I make mistakes, misjudgments, or act in ways that I ,or my son, finds disrespectful, I call myself on it and apologize. I believe modeling appropriate behavior for a child to be more effective, in the long-run, and respectful, than "taking charge" of them. I really do believe that children learn what they live, and behave as well as they are treated.
I do hear that its different when it's your own kid and the awkwardness goes away..but what if it doesn't and now my life is just full of awkward parenting
Not to mention, i'm not a fan of poop and vomit. Ahhh just thinking about it makes me nervous, I know that being a parent means you need to put your own life on hold.. maybe i'm too selfish and self-centered?
Parenting is just another part of the journey. I don't think there's ever a point in which you're confident that you're doing it all "right", cause you never are doing it all right-which is alright. I'm always looking for new information and better ways to deal with certain issues. All about the improvement, you know? At the same time, I feel secure in my parenting style, and I use my relationship with my son as a gauge to how things are working. Like all relationships, we have our ups and downs.
Not to mention, i'm not a fan of poop and vomit. Ahhh just thinking about it makes me nervous, I know that being a parent means you need to put your own life on hold.. maybe i'm too selfish and self-centered?
Haha! Yea, I don't know too many people who are fans of poop and vomit.
In the grand scheme of things though, poop and vomit are relatively minor.
No, your life doesn't go on
hold when you become a parent. Being a parent simply becomes a part of your life and your identity.
There's nothing wrong with being selfish and self-centered. You're single! Just wait until you feel ready to give of yourself. Enjoy your life as a single person, figure out who you are and what you're about. Take this time to learn about different parenting styles and ways of living and being with children.
I am sorry your relationship is giving you so much stress, I do hope it works out in the end. Did you find these ISTJ/ENFP problems to develop after marriage, or was it like that before?
I appreciate that.
Most of our issues were apparent within the first three months of being together.
Greatly looking forward to it!!!!
From "Just Your Type":
ISTJs are usually attracted to ENFPs:
High energy
Enthusiasm
Optimism
Creativity
Way of saying and doing things that are often irreverent, clever, and original
Warmth
Emotional availability
ENFPs are usually attracted to ISTJs:
Steadiness
Sense of responsibility
Calm
Focus
Down-to-earthiness
Dependability
Unflappability
ISTJs often help ENFPs:
Focus more carefully on the facts, details, and individual steps of projects
Become more direct, assertive, and less conflict avoidant
Organized
Accountable
Realistic
ENFPs often help ISTJs:
Relax
Enjoy themselves and have fun
Take occasional risk
Cultivate a gentler side
Become more patient
Become more flexible and open to new ideas
Frustrations:
This pairing typically has to work very hard, on a daily basis, in order to maintain the relationship
ENFPs often complain that ISTJs:
Don't talk or share their inner world enough
Are too structured
Predictable
Too confrontational
Prefer to stick with established routines and are difficult to convince to try new experiences
Resist change and the discussion of possibilities
Squelch their enthusiasm for the possibilities
Control, stifle, and criticize them
ISTJs often complain that ENFPs:
Talk too much
Talk too much about possibilities and things that will likely never happen
Make leaps in logic
Are unpredictable, emotional, and often lack follow through
Other problems:
In conflict, ISTJs usually want to withdraw into silence to work through their feelings, but ENFPs typically want to work out problems as they arise in order to reestablish harmony.
Both partners often feel misunderstood and unappreciated as a result of the above.
Have a tendency to fall into patterns of arguing and blaming
ISTJs in the study most valued:
Fidelity
Mutual Support
Being listened to
Mutual Commitment
Shared Values
Companionship
Security
ENFPs most valued:
Being listened to
Mutual Commitment
Intimacy
Fidelity
Having fun together
Mutual support
Humor
Other tidbits:
Relationship satisfaction between NFPs and STJs was about 42%.
92% of all couples in the study, of every type, considered "good communication" the hallmark of a satisfying relationship
The better the couples rated their communication, the better they rated their relationship
The more type preferences a couple had in common, the higher they rated their satisfaction with their communication
Many things will never change, so long as you know that they are minor to you and not that big a deal, ya know?
What is it that he enjoys most about you?
I would love to hear a briefing!!
He seems very EXFJish. He will definitely view me as absent-minded. He'll say, "Mom, you didn't take your shoes off when you came inside the house, and we don't want the carpet to get dirty." I almost left my bank card in the ATM machine last week, and he caught that one too, thank goodness. He's a trip though. I'll say something like, "Oh, thanks so much for reminding me. I forget things a lot, don't I?". He'll reply something like, "It's OK Mommie. Everyone forgets things sometimes. You help me to tie my shoes, and I help you to remember things."
