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  1. #41
    Senior Member stigmatica's Avatar
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    To the OP:

    This is just my opinion, but it seems to me that perhaps you two really are not the best of matches. Realize that "making it work" will become a full time job in a long term relationship, and five years from now you may grow tired of just how big that job is. You are enamored with each other it seems, but that's the easy part of a relationship. Becoming enamored with someone will happen with many others many times over in your life, and there are people out there for which "making it work" would be easy for you, I'm certain.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by alexx View Post
    It doesn't.


    You end up with a very controlling man that must know what you had for lunch that day.
    The controlling isnt in the understanding or the knowledge but what they do with that understanding and knowledge I like to know where I stand, but I will not control you or the situation and this is from past personal experience. Your an adult its your job to control yourself not others.

    Nothing about STJs, but I got into a discussion with my wife about someone I know very well not sure of type and their controlling nature. We both seemed to agree that they tried to control the situation and others who were close because they couldnt control themselves. It is done to pre-emptively bypass a situation. If you dont want them to control, know their fear and control the situation yourself pre-emptively.
    Im out, its been fun

  3. #43
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    O - he knew where he stood - very much so. But lets look at it this way. Would you want someone looking through your call log, asking why your seat was moved in your car or restoring files from a back up hard drive that were deleted to clear up space?

    Or perhaps shunning any outside friends you attempted to make and introduce? Being antisocial? Maybe never being open to seeing another side to the story - or even CONSIDERING it? So black and white and decided already.

    Logging how many hours you spend on the internet? Wow. Really? (Not my ISTJ - But a friends ISTJ)

    It isn't a trust issue, its a control issue - and the "Knowing where I stand" thing to me seems like a copout.

    And the best part - when said relationship is over the whole "playing the victim" (when there isn't one) in the whole scheme of things is even more childish, and yet again controlling. Controlling the perception that people have on the relationship when it is a.) None of their damn business and b.) In a way can force you into accepting all blame and shame yourself because you are bad bad bad.

    Not worth it.

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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  4. #44
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    Yet here I am - reading all about ISTJ's - how they think - what makes them tick - in an attempt to communicate with him better.

    AND IT HASN'T HELPED!

    It gets exhausting.

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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  5. #45
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Alexx,

    I haven't been keeping up with the thread but have you tried the alternate route of YOU explaining to him what YOU would need for successful communication? I can be horrible
    at it naturally but it helps if i'm directed in a sense, as to know what is beneficial in strengthening communication and understanding. Otherwise, we're left completely to our own methods and quirks, and this area of comm. isn't always our strong suit...

  6. #46
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    ask dave. I'm sure he's woo'd his fair share of lovely ENFP mistresses
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  7. #47
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    Alexx,

    I haven't been keeping up with the thread but have you tried the alternate route of YOU explaining to him what YOU would need for successful communication? I can be horrible
    at it, naturally but it helps if i'm directed in a sense, as to know what is beneficial in strengthening communication and understanding.

    Absolutely. I have learned to be more blunt, to be direct (within reason). I've showed him Myers-Briggs, and tried to explain why we have trouble communicating. He just want's things to be the way they were - like it will just fall into place - and that's not going to happen.

    I find more and more ENFP-ISTJ relationship issues, perhaps because I pay such close attention now. There is always the exception, however.

    Replying to the original poster and any time I see one of these questions come up - I always reply with the "Yeah - been there for 5 years - be careful".

    I think what is most irritating is the "Maybe the ISTJ isn't clear on the expectations or where he stands" - never ONCE a "Hey - maybe that ISTJ isn't healthy".

    I wonder why that is. And as more and more cases pop up it becomes even more infuriating.

    ISTJ's are so good at patterns - well living with one for so long has perhaps sharpened my senses of them as well?

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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  8. #48
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    ask dave. I'm sure he's woo'd his fair share of lovely ENFP mistresses

    If not, he sure fantasizes about it a lot. Lol ( d@ve)

    Love ENFPs but they scare the hell out me. The sparks are there in an ISTJ+ENFP relationship, I just think they have a hard time settling down to the boring, unimaginative likes of us.

  9. #49
    Junior Member Tea-Snob's Avatar
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    I agree with the last 3 posts - ISTJs are not that hard to understand perhaps (From a practical standpoint) and gaining an understanding can greatly ease areas of conflict.

    In terms of my own relationship experience though it can come down to how willing / able a partner is to accommodate the ISTJs desire to have "everything in it's right place". I dont think ISTJs are control freaks, but it can make the other person feel controlled. Because ISTJs find it frustrating to look at the world through NF tinted glasses, they rarely understand thier own transgressions, hence the perception of themselves as being "The victim" when things do go wrong.

    In short then, I believe it can work, but there may be massive compromises along the way and sometimes that can feel utterly life draining.
    [sits down in front of the computer] Subject: Fire. "Dear Sir stroke Madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire which has broken out at the premises of..." no, that's too formal [Deletes] "Dear Sir stroke Madam. Fire, exclamation mark. Fire, exclamation mark. Help me, exclamation mark. 123 Carrendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best."

  10. #50
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    ask dave. I'm sure he's woo'd his fair share of lovely ENFP mistresses

    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    If not, he sure fantasizes about it a lot. Lol ( d@ve)

    Love ENFPs but they scare the hell out me. The sparks are there in an ISTJ+ENFP relationship, I just think they have a hard time settling down to the boring, unimaginative likes of us.

    Yes, I think the ENFP+ISTJ can work. But like Beat said, the ENFP has a hard time settling down. They want to do what THEY want to do, and it is hard for them to slow down and smell the coffee once in a while with the ISTJ. But the sparks are definitely there...

    I think the ISTJ is better off looking for an ESFP if he wants to settle down... nevertheless, ENFP's sure do intrigue my interest!
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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