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  1. #1
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Default Does everyone REALLY have an ESFJ mom?

    Americans in particular?

    Seriously, I know this is turning into a bit of a hangup for me...but it just seems like I've read a truly disproportionate number of descriptions of ESFJ moms (ie. when people list the types of family members, etc). Dads, brothers and sisters can be pretty much any type at all. Moms are 99% ESFJ!

    I have serious doubts about this. I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of ESFJ moms (quite a few people seem to have ISFJs too) but...I just can't believe there are that many. Other types of women reproduce. What also seems noteworthy is that a majority of people who talk about their relationship with their "ESFJ mom" will describe her as annoying, interfering, etc. Almost as though if you have a mom you don't get along with, she has to be ESFJ.

    It just seems very much like a variant on the "all annoying/domineering bosses, dads and just people are ESTJs" trope. I think a lot of (particularly American, of a certain generation) women have been socialized to act very ESFJ - or else that's the default for "annoying mom" type. I remember reading in an Enneagram book that for women over 40, test results of 2 should be taken with a grain of salt because there will probably be a disproportionate and inaccurate number of these results. Very similar to the ESFJ thing, I think.

    Thoughts? Or am I just a crank? For the record, my mom is probably an INTJ. She is definitely IxxJ and she is almost certainly not a Feeler.
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  2. #2
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Mine is probably ESFP, for the record. Thinking a parent is J is probably an easy thing to do, since parents are 'supposed' to sound authorative and certain.

  3. #3
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Oh I didn't realize about this. When do you notice it, @SilkRoad?

    I am not sure about my mom except IXFX... it is hard to know but I think she is probably introverted and probably a feeler, just from how she acts in new situations and how she evaluates things more subjectively.
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  4. #4
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    This is really hard to know because they are parents, and a lot of parents by default will tend to be boring and responsible or caring or tyrannical and the SJs temperament contains all those stereotypes. So they all get throw into there.

    I have definitely noticed the trend though.

  5. #5
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    This is really hard to know because they are parents, and a lot of parents by default will tend to be boring and responsible or caring or tyrannical and the SJs temperament contains all those stereotypes. So they all get throw into there.

    I have definitely noticed the trend though.
    THis is the thing. (And what the rest of you said!) I think it's kind of a stereotype. I've read through some of those "what type are your families" threads and there often seems to be an imbalance toward ESFJ moms - more accurately, xSFJ. While quite a few other types may also be represented, virtually never do you see anyone admitting to an ENTP or INTJ mom, for instance. And I refuse to believe that women of those types never reproduce.

    I have to say, the 19-year-old INTJ saying "my ESFJ mom will never understand my superior intellect, as she's so hidebound and such a nosy nag" is pretty much one of the ultimate MBTI cliches at this point.

    I can't absolutely swear to the types of my family members, but no question we're all IxxJ. Mom is probably INTJ, Dad IxFJ (I could see him as either N or S - he's a lot like me) and brother probably ISTJ.
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  6. #6
    Senior Member Beargryllz's Avatar
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    ISTJ

    good guess though, there are a lot of ESFJs

  7. #7
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    As I recall, SJ's comprise about 45 - 50% of the population - it would stand to follow that lots of folks will have at least one as a parent.

    I can dig up the source if you like
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  8. #8
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    yes all mom's are ESFJ as soon as they give birth they magically transform into an ESFJ
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  9. #9
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Naw, not everyone. None of my kids, nieces, or nephew do.

    Seriously, I've noticed that trend, too. The type description has a lot of overlap with things often associated (sometimes loosely or erroneously) with motherhood. And it can be really difficult to see one's mother as anything but a mother, so maybe that label gets applied a lot by default.

    My Mom was a real ESFJ!

  10. #10
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Having looked some more through the sticky thread in the MBTI forum about family member types: not absolutely everyone claims to have an xSFJ mom (though probably the majority do.)

    However, virtually everyone who has typed their grandmother has an ESFJ grandmother!! Go look at that thread.

    It's stereotyping/socialization. Even if there are bazillions of SJs out there, that should still leave a bit more room for ISTJ and ESTJ moms. Not to speak of crazy, outlying females of other types who bizarrely and unnaturally felt the impulse to reproduce.
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