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  1. #81
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    I wondered this myself. I think there are a lot of ESFJ's in general, so maybe that's why so many moms that are that way. I decided my mom was ESFJ before knowing all the stereotypes and stuff.
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  2. #82
    violaine
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    No, definitely not. And neither does my BF. (Hmm, nor any BF I've really connected with, come to think of it. Wonder if there is anything to that? I've gotten along best with guys whose Moms are a bit quirky and cool. Not to say an ESFJ can't be that.)

  3. #83
    Anew Leaf
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    My mom was an ENFP and for most of my life we went together like oil and water.

    My two grandmothers are/were ISFJ/ESTJ.

  4. #84
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    It's so bizarre for me to think of having a "life of the party, 24/7 hostess, driven by what others think of her" mom. I love my mom to bits but she is nothing remotely like any of that. I have wondered sometimes how differently I might have turned out if she were that "traditional" sort of mom. I think I did sometimes wish that my mom was a bit more like other moms.
    Could you elaborate on this?

    I, of course, have an ESFJ mom (though she doesn't fit the stereotype necessarily, she's an ESFJ the way I'm an INTJ I feel...our personalities are markedly constructed by our functions, but we both seem relatively in tune with the NTP and SFP parts of ourselves, as a result neither of us really has the stability you might expect from an SJ or TJ, she's also more F than S). We get on significantly better as we age and can bring out the best and the worst in each other. I've come to admire her.

  5. #85
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    Could you elaborate on this?

    I, of course, have an ESFJ mom (though she doesn't fit the stereotype necessarily, she's an ESFJ the way I'm an INTJ I feel...our personalities are markedly constructed by our functions, but we both seem relatively in tune with the NTP and SFP parts of ourselves, as a result neither of us really has the stability you might expect from an SJ or TJ, she's also more F than S). We get on significantly better as we age and can bring out the best and the worst in each other. I've come to admire her.
    Hmm... How would I describe it? I did feel quite often like she didn't really get me emotionally and sometimes she even belittled my feelings, which really hurt me. (ie. she would think I was crying to get sympathy, when I really really just couldn't help it.) She understands me better now in terms of how emotional I am, I feel (and I also see her emotional side in a healthier way...I used to feel like when I saw her strong emotions it was usually something scary/unpleasant like she was fighting with my dad, and when she displayed what I now realise was Fe it could come across kind of fake.) She'd tend to get kind of stressed out and weird if I wanted to have friends over or something so that I tended to feel like I just didn't want to have them over, really (although I was shy so sincerely I probably didn't want to that much...!). She also completely didn't get it if I wanted to have clothes which were actually, you know, in fashion.

    On the other hand, she loved my creativity and imagination and did a great deal to encourage that. She was always taking us out to the library (which was such a magical place for me) and museums etc and my brother and I just loved that. Both my parents, and especially my mom, really nurtured my intellect and my passions with great care. My parents were very liberal about what they let us read while very strict in some other areas.

    I do think that growing up in a family of IxxJs, in some ways we kept too much to ourselves and were too reserved, although the advantage was that my family understood me reasonably well (though not entirely how emotional I was - much like now I looked fairly quiet and reserved but had a lot of emotion just under the surface) and they certainly didn't mind if I spent hours in my room reading and writing and so on. Well, if the weather was good, my mom would throw us outdoors, but she'd be fine with us reading outside. We were also pretty active kids - it was a very well rounded childhood in a great many ways. But as far as the reserved family thing, I felt like I only had an opportunity to really become a people person somewhat later in life when I moved out (and I was 23 by then.)


    EDIT: I re-read this and thought that either my mom and I have both become more well-rounded, or you just understand each other better as you age. Probably both. I understand better the forces and frustrations which have shaped her life, and she understands better that I want to dress fashionably, and that I'm emotional...
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  6. #86
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    I know what yer sayin'. Not that I have an ESFJ mom, but I think it really shows that you can't discern someone else's type for them, especially if you only know them in a certain context that forces them to adopt a different persona. A while ago I was discussing typology with my boss. She told me she was an ISFP, and I privately/arrogantly thought she was ACTUALLY an ESFJ, she just lacks self-awareness and knowledge of typology and I am just soooo perceptive, blah, blah, blah. She's no withdrawn artsy-fart! My boss is concerned about collective morale and maintaining the rules. ESFJ, obviously. But then I realized I only thought that because she was an authority figure in a customer service job. The more I have gotten to know her outside of her role as a boss, the more I realize she was an ISFP all along, and the more I realize I am a prejudiced bastard.

  7. #87
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Anyone think there's something to the thought that ESFJs are, by their defining characteristics, more likely to "want" and carry through with motherhood and child-rearing? I've seen this idea put forward before. That would lead to them being presented in higher proportions than their population. And as their proportion of the population is already large, this creates a huge "lead" beyond other types.

    (I decided my mom's an ISFJ, and she typed herself as ISFJ as well when she casually glanced at MBTI.)
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  8. #88
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Anyone think there's something to the thought that ESFJs are, by their defining characteristics, more likely to "want" and carry through with motherhood and child-rearing? I've seen this idea put forward before. That would lead to them being presented in higher proportions than their population. And as their proportion of the population is already large, this creates a huge "lead" beyond other types.
    Yes.

  9. #89
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Anyone think there's something to the thought that ESFJs are, by their defining characteristics, more likely to "want" and carry through with motherhood and child-rearing? I've seen this idea put forward before. That would lead to them being presented in higher proportions than their population. And as their proportion of the population is already large, this creates a huge "lead" beyond other types.

    (I decided my mom's an ISFJ, and she typed herself as ISFJ as well when she casually glanced at MBTI.)
    This was discussed somewhat earlier in the thread. There may be a little bit of something to it but...as others said, I don't think decisions to have children is strongly affected by MBTI type. There are SO many other factors at work. Culture, circumstances, what the woman's partner wants, and hey...I think plenty of women of non-xSFJ types want kids, or else they just fall pregnant and carry the baby to term and keep it.

    It's not that improbable for non-xSFJ women to want and bear children.
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  10. #90
    Cheeseburgers freeeekyyy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Nah, it's not the first time I've thought it. Whenever the thought would enter my mind I'd reject it though. Not cause I dislike ESTJs or anything but because she can be quite uhhh emotional sometimes, and I automatically associate emotion with F, but it's not really the Fe kind of emotional. It's more Te emotional.
    It could even be Fi. ESTJs and ENTJs, having Fi in the inferior position, are more likely to be ruled by it without even realizing it. The inferior function isn't just weak, but uncontrolled. In the same way as an INTJ or INFJ will become ultra-focused, or totally oblivious, to their surroundings and real-world facts, having Se as inferior.
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