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  1. #71
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    I usually identify my mother as ESFJ, and have wondered at times whether this is accurate. She was definitely an E: always the life of the party, and very outgoing. I used to think ESFP due to her fun-loving nature, until I understood function theory better. Her primary function was clearly Fe. She was driven by what others thought of her, and always seeking external approval. An ESFP would seem driven more by her internal desires. I suppose she could be ENFJ, but she was always very rooted in the present moment, liked her environment to be orderly, attractive, and "just-so", and enjoyed the tasks related to making it that way. She was an impeccable hostess who loved providing for her family and entertaining her friends.

    So, I think she was the real deal. I also think she never completely understood me, and was probably not as intelligent in the traditional sense, but we always had a good relationship. I appreciated in her the many qualities that I lack, and the extent to which I have even a hint of some of them (e.g. social skills) is due to her deliberate influence.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  2. #72
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I usually identify my mother as ESFJ, and have wondered at times whether this is accurate. She was definitely an E: always the life of the party, and very outgoing. I used to think ESFP due to her fun-loving nature, until I understood function theory better. Her primary function was clearly Fe. She was driven by what others thought of her, and always seeking external approval. An ESFP would seem driven more by her internal desires. I suppose she could be ENFJ, but she was always very rooted in the present moment, liked her environment to be orderly, attractive, and "just-so", and enjoyed the tasks related to making it that way. She was an impeccable hostess who loved providing for her family and entertaining her friends.

    So, I think she was the real deal. I also think she never completely understood me, and was probably not as intelligent in the traditional sense, but we always had a good relationship. I appreciated in her the many qualities that I lack, and the extent to which I have even a hint of some of them (e.g. social skills) is due to her deliberate influence.
    This is my mother, too, and there's no question in my mind about her type, because she is so true to it. She just could not fathom any part of me, and still can't, and vice/versa. It's a very difficult relationship.

  3. #73
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    It's so bizarre for me to think of having a "life of the party, 24/7 hostess, driven by what others think of her" mom. I love my mom to bits but she is nothing remotely like any of that. I have wondered sometimes how differently I might have turned out if she were that "traditional" sort of mom. I think I did sometimes wish that my mom was a bit more like other moms.

    Although I'm more like my dad overall, one of the things that my mom and I have definitely bonded over is that we've both wished at least some of the time that we were "more like other people." It would be...easier. She has also told me a few times that she wishes she had my people skills.

    We have similar intellectual interests too and we can talk about books, etc for hours. We tend to not really see people in the same way though. She doesn't have my degree of (over-)investment in others (with the exception of my dad, my brother and me), or my tolerance of their foibles. I think in some ways she and I definitely get along better now that we live thousands of miles apart, though I miss her very much.
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  4. #74
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    I have one. She taught me manners.

  5. #75
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    I am very certain that my mother is ENTJ. So no. Not everyone does.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  6. #76
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    It's so bizarre for me to think of having a "life of the party, 24/7 hostess, driven by what others think of her" mom. I love my mom to bits but she is nothing remotely like any of that.
    My mom's not like that at all, either, but she did test as ESFJ. Those are just typical characteristics of the type, not all ESFJs display those characteristics.
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

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  7. #77
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I think the moral of the story is: particularly if you feel like you're very different from your mom, she might well be an ESFJ, but then again, she might well be another type.

    Moms and kids are different - they play different roles. The people who have pointed out that we tend to type others in relation to ourselves make a very good point.
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  8. #78
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    My mum is a ISFJ. She is a great mum and is supportive and nurturing toward her children, not pushy or judgmental. She intelligent and well read and I often have philosophical discussions with her - so I would go easy on the stereotyping of XSFJs as difficult mothers or anti-intellectual types. As for my grandmothers, I believe they are both ISTJs (although its possible either could be extroverted). They're a lot more judgmental, pedantic and neither are very skilled in the tact department - they may not be terribly warm and fuzzy but I do love them nonetheless.
    I think my grandma may have been ISTJ as well! It took me awhile to be able to appreciate her. If only I had gotten the chance to know her more while I was older…
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  9. #79
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    It took months for me to get my mum to take the test and she came out ESFJ.

    My mother only wanted one child, it was my father (first marriage) who pushed for a second. Then she went on to have a third child with her second husband. She never wanted a huge family.

    Yes, we have had our run-ins over the years but overall she is an amazing mum. She does have a heart of gold and i'm grateful to have her around. When the shit hits the fan, she'll be there to wipe my tears and give me a cuddle even at the age of 32. Yes we all have our faults and she isn't perfect but neither am i and i accept them in her as she does me.

    I think my step mother is leaning towards IxTp.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  10. #80
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    It's so bizarre for me to think of having a "life of the party, 24/7 hostess, driven by what others think of her" mom.
    My mother is in her 70's now, a breast cancer survivor, and just recently diagnosed with cancer of the liver. I was so upset by the news (which came right on the heels of a death in the family Aug. 4th) that it started to affect my work and I had to let it be known what my circumstances were because I was having trouble concentrating. In response, the people I work for gave me the money to travel to see her and wanted me to go that day -- but I knew I should call first -- and sure enough ... she answered the phone so groggy from chemo she couldn't get her head around what day it was, but she knew for sure that she did not want me to come, because she had a party planned for Tuesday, and she had to get enough rest so she could give the party. I begged. I said I would stay in my room with my laptop and nobody would even know I was there; that I would cook and clean and help with the party, etc. No, mom says, she'd really rather I didn't. I said what about after that? Well, then it's Halloween ...

    It's always about the party.

    My regularly scheduled time with her is Christmas. She doesn't like it when you do things off schedule. Even if she's perhaps only got months to live.

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