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  1. #31
    Member Alehand's Avatar
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    Hello folks

    Apologies for not updating for awhile been busy.

    Quick update:

    1) sold my Dad's business so I have taken my Mom from overworked to retirement. Which is a relief. Sold the business for almost what I wanted which is a double relief.

    2) Passed an exam which I studied for while working 15 hour days (no clue as to how).

    3) Reconnecting with people

    4) Managing my negative feelings and depression.

    5) Can anyone explain why people think that me supporting my family is unique? Is it me or does it not seem peculiar that supporting your family is not a requirement for being a decent human?

    Thanks for all the support and/or prayers.

    PS very drunk, apparently I am funny drunk so my friend got me so...damn people.
    Three things:

    "Reason is our soul's left hand, faith her right." - John Donne

    "Take honour from me and my life is done" - Shakespeare's Richard II

    "Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." - Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

  2. #32
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    In answer to 5), i think it is the right thing to do.
    Sadly not everyone does.
    There are also times when you have to be cruel to be kind... i.e the drug addict who is supprted (enabled) by his/her family's cashflow.
    But there are many types of support too, some may manage to be financially supportive, others may be the emotional "rock" of the family, others still...the practical menber.
    IMO families are soo important, don't take them for granted.
    and also, to your post...


    respect
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  3. #33
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    In answer to 5), i think it is the right thing to do.
    Sadly not everyone does.
    There are also times when you have to be cruel to be kind... i.e the drug addict who is supprted (enabled) by his/her family's cashflow.
    But there are many types of support too, some may manage to be financially supportive, others may be the emotional "rock" of the family, others still...the practical menber.
    IMO families are soo important, don't take them for granted.
    and also, to your post...


    respect
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  4. #34
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Well done, Alehand. Good to see you and glad to hear that the business was sold and the depression is letting up a bit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alehand View Post
    5) Can anyone explain why people think that me supporting my family is unique? Is it me or does it not seem peculiar that supporting your family is not a requirement for being a decent human?
    It is now a unique thing in westernized countries. Westernized countries have habit of only focusing on "Me, me, me". It's all about being "individual" and having freedom to do whatever they want. It's every man for himself and parents, especially elderly ones, are not taken care of like they used to be by their children.

    Such selfishness also explains why many people say they don't want to have kids.
    Or even get married for that matter.

  5. #35
    Member Alehand's Avatar
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    Still think it is much ado about nothing.
    Three things:

    "Reason is our soul's left hand, faith her right." - John Donne

    "Take honour from me and my life is done" - Shakespeare's Richard II

    "Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." - Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

  6. #36
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alehand View Post

    5) Can anyone explain why people think that me supporting my family is unique? Is it me or does it not seem peculiar that supporting your family is not a requirement for being a decent human?
    The way STJ's support their loved ones in times of crisis is unique. They support to the point of sacrificing themselves. They can sustain this level of devotion for long periods of time. That is unique. Most people support to the point that the system/family/person can regulate then they back off. STJ's seem to go above and beyond making sure the loose ends are not only tied up, they aren't frayed either.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  7. #37
    Member Alehand's Avatar
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    Hi everyone

    I would like to do a final wrap on this thread.

    First off, thanks for all your comments, best wishes, etc. I might not have always believed in all of it (sorry doubt or misreading information is a habit of my paranoia of all things new) but I appreciated in retrospect being allowed to vent/express.

    I think a brief wrap is required.

    I went off on holiday to London after I sold the shop, one of the best decisions I made. I got to recharge, see my nephew (who cheated on Wii...love that little so and so), saw relatives and friends. All in all it was great and allowed me the time to recharge and think things through.

    Since I came back, I have pretty much wrapped up the estate barring tax and manged to organise some documentation for the overseas stuff. Boy it has been a rollercoaster with that stuff. Even though its still not done, I have nothing left to do but get other people to get things sorted out.

    I think perseverance and determination is something I have always expected of myself but I never knew what depth there was to it.

    See brief.

    I am now trying to sort my own life out. My Mom and siblings are still on and off with their depression, as I am but its getting more and more manageable. The pain of the loss is there but slowly it is being out weighed by our memories of happier times and of the person I knew. I know it sounds weird but every time I think about my Dad, especially when I want to ask him something, there is a clarity of memory that I generally lack.

    I am going to stop posting on here. Partly because I dont really have much else to say and mostly its time to move on.

    Here is my eulogy I wrote for his funeral. This is my final testament to my Dad and the last thing I want to say on this thread:

    "My father was a simple man but in his own unique way, a complicated person.

    He was fond of saying he was not a good man because Jesus was good in him and he wasn’t involved.

    That encapsulates him in a sentence. He never had any pretensions that he was anything other than who he was.

    He had his flaws, like all men do, but what made him different was that he would in his own quiet way fix them and improve himself. He never needed anyone’s approval, all he wanted was a clean conscience before God.

    My father had two passions in life that triumphed over all others, his family and his faith in God.

    His love for both, quelled his famous temper and infamous stubbornness. Sometimes they stoked both.

    This week, I have seen complete strangers to me, but people my father teased, joked with, shouted at, comforted and cared for breakdown in tears. For me to know that he touched so many people by simply being himself and standing for what he believed in, is a great comfort.

    I believe that the truest testament of his character and faith is shown here today and over the course of this sad week because I have seen all the people he loves pull together as the family he loved.

    "Let no one weep for me, or celebrate my funeral with mourning; for I still live, as I pass to and fro through the mouths of men." - Quintus Ennius

    God bless you, Amen."
    Three things:

    "Reason is our soul's left hand, faith her right." - John Donne

    "Take honour from me and my life is done" - Shakespeare's Richard II

    "Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." - Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

  8. #38
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    ^That was a nice wrap. Thank you for sharing. It made me cry.

  9. #39
    Senior Member tkae.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    You need one of these: and although I do not know you, I appreciate all this hard work you are doing at such a stressful time.

    Be sure to post more, the sharing may help, and I wish you and your family all the best as you work through this.

    Take care of yourself too - stay away from too much vodka!
    I second this, you need to go over to the NF section for hugz

    You're doing all you can and more. Go easy on yourself, take a deep breath, and focus on the permanent things right now. Relationships can be fixed if both people want it, so try not to worry about keeping your family together emotionally. If they fuck up, they can fix it, or maybe it was better for the emotions to have been put out in the open and the pain to have been caused.

    Bottled up emotions, even in this situation, is absolutely disastrous. The air needs to get cleared, even if it's ugly

    You're doing great, keep hanging in there.

    And drop by the NF section for a hug anytime you need it
    "Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away." -Ekaku Hakuin
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  10. #40
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alehand View Post
    I usually prefer quiet observation to participation with people I dont know () but today I need to express myself and writing is my preferred medium, also to be honest I finished my vodka last night so I am bored before I pass out.

    So where to start...7 days and a few hours ago my Dad died. A shock that I know is going to take months for me to move pass.

    Sorry for rambling.

    Anyway lets see how much of my actions over the pass week are because I am an "emotionless robot" aka ISTJ (list time ):
    ISTJ quote of the day (he's a friend of mine): "I like watching programs about the human condition despite the fact that I literally have no emotions."
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

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