ANECDOTE (if you want context. If tl;dr, skip to question below):
My brother (ISTJ) has a group of friends that seems to cycle through different scape-goats. At any one time, the group seems to have the one guy in the group that they all badmouth and avoid. I figured this was just group dynamics in action. I'll admit that I was surprised at my brother's willingness to go along with this sort of behaviour, but no one looked like they were getting hurt.
And then one of them got into what sounds like an emotionally-abusive relationship. He also has controlling parents…I think his mother set a soft toy he'd gotten for his birthday alight because she thought he was spending too much time with his friends and not enough time studying . He's stuck doing a degree he doesn't want to do. To boot, he failed his core subjects at uni and ended up spending the semester in front of his computer.
His friends haven't been much help. This guy is the latest scape-goat because his friends think he mopes about his girlfriend too much. He seems to have gotten himself stuck in a guilt-cycle because now he apologises for moping too much and buys his friends presents to express how sorry he feels for being such a burden.
I pointed out to my brother that his friend sounded depressed and really in need of a support system. Moreover, the guy's an IxFJ and is the furthest thing from a jerk. But my brother simply responded, 'I can't be bothered. He's too annoying.' (For clarity: too annoying because he's so down.)
What is the ISTJ perspective on group dynamics and/or their perceived responsibility to other people? I don't think my brother is being deliberately cruel/uncaring/cold. But I don't understand his perspective. Could anyone else shed light on this for me? Open to general stories about ISTJs and friends/groups.
I do know that our sense of what is right and wrong, socially, has always differed but I was really struck by that difference this time. I'm an INTP and am socially awkward and pretty quick to judge people. He's social-ish and not really judgemental at all, most of the time. But I find that he can, to my eye, be a bit wishy-washy when it comes to taking responsibility for things like this. Sometimes, I feel like I'm the warm people-person in comparison. Why is this? Are these things not relevant to him?