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Thread: Love and ISJs

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by bcubchgo View Post
    whereby your own need for emotional reassurance is being perceived as "unstable" which is going to drive them away in horror.
    Huh weird I've had this experience with an INTJ, not an ISTJ.

    If anything, ISTJs are more stoically accepting of it, in my experience. They might not easily express emotion or be "warm" like an FJ or something, but on the other hand in my experience they are much less freaked out than what you describe.

    I've had INTx be more freaked out by me than anyone, I think.

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    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Huh weird I've had this experience with an INTJ, not an ISTJ.

    If anything, ISTJs are more stoically accepting of it, in my experience. They might not easily express emotion or be "warm" like an FJ or something, but on the other hand in my experience they are much less freaked out than what you describe.

    I've had INTx be more freaked out by me than anyone, I think.
    They may be stoic on the outside but you will pay for your instability with passive-aggressive flavored torture, if they stick around at all. I think I'd prefer the INTJ freakout.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    They may be stoic on the outside but you will pay for your instability with passive-aggressive flavored torture, if they stick around at all. I think I'd prefer the INTJ freakout.
    Oh I meant that the INTJ in question can't handle me at all, and the ISTJ doesn't see me as "unstable" he just sees my need for emotional reassurance as moody or emo, and has even used the words "well at least I know this is as bad as it's going to get, it's the quiet one's you have to watch." His mother is really dramatic too, though, but in a much meaner way...so I guess I seem stable to him in comparison, plus he knows he can trust me and he knows me well enough to know I'm not really crazy, either, just neurotic. Probably helps that he's been close to people who are actually mentally ill, so he's not so naive that he thinks somebody is extremely emotionally expressive is "mentally unstable".

    So the whole point of my story is that it really depends on the individual, though IxTJs in general may be more uncomfortable with outward expressions of emotion.

    Oh...and my grandfather expected women to be sensitive, it didn't shock him at all, though he wasn't a big fan of displaying a lot of emotion himself...also ISTJ.

    More just like a calmer acceptance of "this is reality. This happens." Of course, possibly potentially sexist in his case, as these were gender role norms in his mind.

    I've often found INTx males to be much more critical of people who aren't as "rational" as they are, like to the point of being real jackasses about it; sometimes even to the point of being cruel. Of course, I've also seen this kind of thing in ENTJs as well...but not all ENTJs.

    I think NTs have a harder time with these things than STJs. That's my observation.

    BUT again...depends on the individual...as an aside, it's interesting to me that people suspected Invisible Jim as being ISTJ instead of INTJ, and he didn't have a real problem with women who did things like throw dishes and act out, he acted like it was cute or something. Coincidence? Who knows.

    It really depends on the individual...which was my original point to bcubchgo...I'm not sure that all ISTJs are the way he makes them sound, though they can be much more stoic and less expressive like their INTJ cousins, I don't find them as cold and evil as the individual he seems to know. And I also know all INTJs aren't the same, either. It comes down to a particular person.

    I also saw ascendingflame's point of view...I really don't see what the big deal is. She's saying she doesn't like people who try to change her, or expect her to feel grateful for them trying to turn her into an ENxP. I'm not sure how that equals coldness or seeing other people as unstable. As far as I know, she meant she was seeing people who are like that as self-congratulatory assholes who don't accept her for who she is. I totally got what she was saying!

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    Okay, so, from your description, what does she actually appreciate about you? Are you sure you're not overlooking her signals? Because if she doesn't like anything about your personality, it'd be weird for her to still be your girlfriend.

    Edit: I didn't read the last line of your story. I still think that perhaps you weren't able to read her signals, unless she was staying with your out of duty.
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Okay, so, from your description, what does she actually appreciate about you? Are you sure you're not overlooking her signals? Because if she doesn't like anything about your personality, it'd be weird for her to still be your girlfriend.

    Edit: I didn't read the last line of your story. I still think that perhaps you weren't able to read her signals, unless she was staying with your out of duty.
    What does he actually appreciate about her? It sounds like he was describing her as boring and ungrateful for his attempts to make her less ISTJ-like.

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