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  1. #21
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    ^I seeee. well, that helps me a little bit in understanding ENTPs.

  2. #22
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    The 'nice' esfj just came over, and for the third time today asked me 'what's wrong'. I told him and another guy (ISTP) that I'm feeling kinda so-so today. Not bad, just not 'on' with the silliness and jokes. So he just gets back from lunch and comes over and asks me again. It's annoying. I had to tell him that nothing's wrong, I'm just not in a talkative mood. I think I hurt him some. Not sure. I feel bad but not to the point of saying sorry. I think he has to learn to chill sometimes.

  3. #23
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    The 'nice' esfj just came over, and for the third time today asked me 'what's wrong'. I told him and another guy (ISTP) that I'm feeling kinda so-so today. Not bad, just not 'on' with the silliness and jokes. So he just gets back from lunch and comes over and asks me again. It's annoying. I had to tell him that nothing's wrong, I'm just not in a talkative mood. I think I hurt him some. Not sure. I feel bad but not to the point of saying sorry. I think he has to learn to chill sometimes.
    wow. i've been there so many times. you just don't feel like 'entertaining' others with that outer show. you've reached the point that inevitably always occurs where introspection has to have its way with your brain. the difference in the two can look like you've suddenly got a problem though and it's practically always misinterpreted that way.

    in order to be left alone, i've been driven to lie about it to those who refuse to believe what's really going on. "it's personal and private; it'll go away soon, but for now i just don't feel like talking to anyone." sadly, sometimes, one has to lie in order to be believed.
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  4. #24
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    wow. i've been there so many times. you just don't feel like 'entertaining' others with that outer show. you've reached the point that inevitably always occurs where introspection has to have its way with your brain. the difference in the two can look like you've suddenly got a problem though and it's practically always misinterpreted that way.

    in order to be left alone, i've been driven to lie about it to those who refuse to believe what's really going on. "it's personal and private; it'll go away soon, but for now i just don't feel like talking to anyone." sadly, sometimes, one has to lie in order to be believed.
    As I was driving into work today I realized that it was one of those days. I don't feel like I need to justify it. And I don't want to lie....so when he hits me with the dumb questions (sorry I have to call it like I see it), I just take a minute to gather myself and calmly say 'I'm fine'.

    It's not so much that he's asking what's wrong. ISTP, ENFJ, and ENTP have all come over and have done the same thing, but their approaches are different. To ask 'what's wrong' implies what you mentioned- a problem. To make it witty, or joking, or just plain ridiculous, like the ENFJ LOL, prompts me to at least engage them, and once they get their answer- they move on.

  5. #25
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redcheerio View Post
    Interesting! I've heard that before and I'll bet there's something to it, although I don't understand it. Do you?
    i have no idea no...i asked my infp bf if si bothered him and he said no not at all but te does him too...so my theory might be shit haha
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #26
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    i feel ya, redcheerio. i accidentally piss people off a lot by being flippant about things that others take seriously without realizing until it's too late that i've done so. hanging around with others that get me for a good amount of time can cause me to be a bit too comfortable with being myself and that causes problems when i again get around others who don't know me as well. i forget how truly badly i can come off if not careful, but we do learn and we do want to learn and that combination, more often than not, wins out in the end. great for us; great for them.

    sadly, a lot of our kind of kidding around comes in the form of faux cockiness. i mean, sure, we can be cocky, but unlike those who truly are full of themselves, we're actually aware that we're being full of crap when we do it. hell, even when we're really feeling cocky, we're aware of how much more we have to learn. however, those who don't know that, only see the surface BS, and believe we really think we're as great as we're joking we are.

    the way i usually 'fix' these situations, is to go to them for help. not only does it show that we value something they can contribute, but it also gives them the chance to realize that perhaps they'd judged the situation wrong and opens them up to giving us another chance. asking for advice (about anything) one or two more times after that, mixed in with being yourself, but making it more obvious that you know you're full of crap when acting that way allows them to see you more clearly.

    hope this helps.
    ha enfps do this too and i feel like not everyone gets it either and i almost always assume others are joking when they act that way too so am very rarely offended by it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #27
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    As I was driving into work today I realized that it was one of those days. I don't feel like I need to justify it. And I don't want to lie....so when he hits me with the dumb questions (sorry I have to call it like I see it), I just take a minute to gather myself and calmly say 'I'm fine'.

    It's not so much that he's asking what's wrong. ISTP, ENFJ, and ENTP have all come over and have done the same thing, but their approaches are different. To ask 'what's wrong' implies what you mentioned- a problem. To make it witty, or joking, or just plain ridiculous, like the ENFJ LOL, prompts me to at least engage them, and once they get their answer- they move on.



    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    ha enfps do this too and i feel like not everyone gets it either and i almost always assume others are joking when they act that way too so am very rarely offended by it.
    Also helpful to know, thank you!

  8. #28
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Answering the title question: my mother-in-law and father-in-law are an ESFJ-ENTP couple, so yes, it's possible... :-)
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  9. #29
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    This ESFJ I work with- "Fat Bastard" did that to me. I said something in a meeting between us- basically how I did not agree with the boss' approach to our work. We were in his office during our 1200th remediation, and he spun what I said as if I trashed the boss, and he's this loyalist. It pissed me off to no end.

    Mind you, I work with 2 of them, one of them, the younger one who I was talking about attacking me with his good intentioned Fe, is actually a nice guy who wants to everyone around him to be happy. The one above is older, thinks he's the cat's meow, and wears tight polos. TMI with the exposed belly action we get sometimes.
    omg

    Yeah, I know one ESFJ who is pretty awesome, and there was another one at the same company who was pretty nice.

    As for using things people said against them and twisting it, I wonder if they actually believe in their head that it's justified? Like if disagreeing with someone logically, especially a higher-up, is seen as some kind of terrible disloyalty that should be exposed and punished?

    The 2 nightmares that I worked with seemed to feel perfectly justified in their behavior, not only justified but self-satisfied by it, behavior that to me seemed so sneaky and manipulative and nasty as to be nearly sociopathic at times. So I'm wondering if that kind of thought pattern is what allows them to look in the mirror every day and be happy with themselves?


    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    Yes. I find this is a J tendency, probably more IxxJ, to make instant judgements about people and situations. Especially with Si users, we immediately associate what's in front of us with what's happened before, and prepare ourselves for a similar experience.
    Ah, OK. So what proportion of the time do you change your mind from a negative first impression to liking them? And what is it that changes your mind?


    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    Definitely not the case here. I think our ISTJ boss everytime Fat ESFJ leaves his office.


    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    After reading some of the descriptions they have of us, I say the same thing about myself. But if I go by functions, I'm definitely Si/Te. I have good Ne, and lately have become more aware of my Fi moments. I'm pretty balanced.
    Huh, cool. What do you come out as if you go by the simpler tests for E vs I, N vs S, T vs F, and P vs J? Same thing, or different?


    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    Yes! I think it's because the answers to the questions are sometimes so obvious that it's a waste of breath to ask them, so you must be using that as a springboard to something else. I'll wait for the connector, but nothing happens..............

    And the one guy who's nice, it's like he jumps on me with questions, (like he's doing right now), and if I don't answer right away, he asks more questions. I call that the Fe attack.
    It sounds like they're trying to start a convo, but aren't sure what to say next, and are hoping you'll be the one to come up with the "connector". Even though I often hate small talk, I'll sometimes initiate it to be friendly, but can't really think of any "connectors" at that moment to make it more interesting. I'm happy to leave it at that if they're not in the mood, though, since I do the same thing sometimes when others start convos with me.


    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I just hate being told how I 'should' do anything, especially when they say I was as 'wrong' or 'mean', especially when I'm joking.
    Yeah, it's a bummer when you can't joke around with people, or they don't get any of your humor.


    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    He does.
    Cool, that's good.

  10. #30
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I don't start off disliking people, I start off liking everyone, probably too much so... and sometimes I'll be so shocked to find out that they dislike me. I really don't think it's due to any type differences. I think, initially, some people are just more guarded emotionally and others are not so guarded, and then there is a persons natural moods that factor into this (i.e. are they naturally grumpy or naturally happy person?)
    That's true. I also tend to start off liking most people, and am also shocked if they don't like me.
    (Thanks for giving me a good reason to use my fav smiley )


    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    *bows to you*
    TBH, I don't like answering ESFJ questions but there are so few of them here that I don't want to leave people hanging who genuinely want help, and aren't just here to vent/rant/blow of steam.
    Yes, thanks for taking the time, I really appreciate it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Awww, I don't know how anyone could not like you. You're so adorable.
    Awwww, thanks! You're so sweet.

    (Funny, my ISFJ friend who I'll be hanging out with tomorrow said almost the same thing, you guys are so cute. )


    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Yes, it does make sense. Something I do for my emotional well being and health is start over fresh with people, at least in my own mind. It helps me to clear out any negative emotional thoughts/baggage-- which weigh me down and I dislike with a passion. This may not change whatever the other persons annoying thoughts and behaviors are, but it helps me feel more at peace somehow. Just sharing more personal anecdotes.
    Yes, it's a good and healthy way to live, and I usually try to do that, too. With the female coworker I complained about, every day I would come back thinking I must have been imagining things and give her the benefit of the doubt and try to be friendly, and then something else would happen and I would get all pissed off again. So for the first year we worked together, I was like "why does she hate me??" and after a few years, I was more like

    But at least now I can laugh about it.

    And I think having gone through that experience made it a lot easier to deal with the guy at my last job. It only took me a month after I left that job to stop getting super angry whenever I thought about him.


    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I think you were being smart... I would have done the same thing with someone I didn't trust. Maybe lunch is a bad idea then if she's a backstabber. Knowing this I wouldn't even care if she didn't like me. There's nothing you can do about it. Please remember that not all ESFJs are that way though.
    Yeah, after awhile I didn't care that she didn't like me, what I cared about was the fact that she was making my working life difficult and possibly affecting my career, and I didn't know what to do about it.

    Don't worry, I do realize that not all ESFJs are like that. I know some really great ESFJs, too.

    And I'm glad you don't generalize about type, because I know there are some asshole ENTPs in the world, too.

    So, thanks!

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