[ISTJ] How do ISTJs deal with regret?

[Dizzy]

I wonder how you guys deal with regret?
Regret in the sense that you have done (or not done) something, that now can't be changed.

E.g. a couple of years ago I found out that I probably had to pay 1500 $ taxes if my income was over the threshold. I asked the accountant to calculate if this was so, and he told me that I was just within range. If I noticed in time I could lower my income and hours to stay under the threshold.

Now a couple of years later it appeared that my income was over the threshold and I have to pay the 1500$, which is quite a lot for a student.
Although I blame myself for passing on the matter to the accountant, instead of checking it myself, I feel that I get nowhere regretting my choice. I just don't think about it and accept it as given. Since there is little I can do to change things.

 

[Shadow496]

I dunno, really...I still hold on to a lot of my regrets and am finding it very hard to let go of them. I'm hoping once a few positive things in my life happen I can start to see a bright side and that these 'stumbles' will have not been in vein, but at this point I'm not there.

There are probably two major things that I regret/wish I had chosen differently: my school for undergrad, my first job once I finally got an offer.

I'm not sure that choosing the other state university (I was accepted to both Washington State and University of Washington) would have really made a large difference in my life, but I still think about it a lot. I think Seattle would have been an awesome city to live in as a university student. Not so much as a 20-something-SWF just starting out. I have a regret during college of not choosing a good back-up major if my first major fell through. I ended up doing a History degree which I enjoyed but it ended up being essentially useless.

After 6 months of job searching after getting my degree I finally got two job offers...within about a day of each other. One was as very basic office-grunt kind of job that paid enough to get by and had some benefits, nothing special but it was a start and appeared to have direction to move after a while within the company. Come to find out later on that wasn't really true and that's how I ended up in London studying for a year because I needed to get away. The other job offer? Teaching English in Japan on a year contract with the Nova group. It would have been an exciting adventure and I would have learned some valuable skills like Japanese while earning some money. It also wasn't expected to be long-term as there was obviously the contract was only year-to-year. Come to find out just recently the company went bankrupt in October 2007, about 5 months after my contract would have been up. So, in a way I dodged a bullet by not going as well.

I feel like in both these cases I chose 'the easy way' and the way that pleased others (namely my family) and not myself. I'm planning to apply to law school this fall and I'm hoping this will be my opportunity to choose what I feel is right rather than pleasing others, even if it means hurting their feelings for a while. If the choice I make is the one they'd make for me, so much the better. We'll see in spring next year what happens when I get my responses. In the end I'm the one living my life and have to live with myself and these regrets. They've gotten to make their choices and I'd wish they'd let me make mine. I don't think they really understand because I'm able to put on a good show of being happy for them even when I'm not (generally, they knew I wasn't happy at my job).

Anyway, enough of that rant. Sorry if I didn't end up answering your question very well.

 

[swordpath]

For me, personally, if I regret something, I try to fix things so that it won't be a regret the second time around (if a like situation were to occur). There are some things I've/we all have done that can't be changed and it's out of one's power. It's just something you have to let go of the best you can. In life, just focusing/hoping for with an optimistic mind on positive things is the best way I've found to raise my spirits.

 

[sassafrassquatch]

For me, personally, if I regret something, I try to fix things so that it won't be a regret the second time around (if a like situation were to occur). There are some things I've/we all have done that can't be changed and it's out of one's power. It's just something you have to let go of the best you can. In life, just focusing/hoping for with an optimistic mind on positive things is the best way I've found to raise my spirits.

That's about what I do. Figure out what went wrong and try to not let it happen again.

 

[Dizzy]

Anyway, enough of that rant. Sorry if I didn't end up answering your question very well.

Hi Shadow thanks for your contribution, I can imagine that you regrets choices you have made, because you actually made them for someone else. The thing is when I think about things I regret, I just think in the future, since there is nothing in my power to change them. And think about the things you have learned in history and about wrong choices, they are more valuable then you think.

 

[LouMeland]

I usually don't regret things, as I know that won't get me anywhere (probably would make me depressive). I simply look forward and seek not to repeat the same mistakes. I don't let my underdeveloped iNtuitive side (What-could-have-happened-if) take over! =)

 

[NewEra]

One personality trait I love about myself among others is that I usually do not regret things. Generally I make logical decisions, but if there is a bad decision, then I usually don't look back at it because I see little point in it. You just feel bad when you do this. Just move forward.

 

[d@v3]

My sequence of events: "oops", try to fix, then move on. There is no point in dwelling on it, but I don't forget about it in case a second situation occurs, I will be prepared for it.

If the offense/mistake was unrepairable obviously you would have to deal with it the best you could then move on.

 

[/DG/]

I regret a lot of things that I've done. Most are trivial, but every know and then I have a random memory of something that I should have done differently.

 

[Eagle]

My sequence of events: "oops", try to fix, then move on. There is no point in dwelling on it, but I don't forget about it in case a second situation occurs, I will be prepared for it.

If the offense/mistake was unrepairable obviously you would have to deal with it the best you could then move on.

Something like that only slightly more negative and bashing of myself for as long as I'm alive. You just deal with it. There isn't a science. Regret makes us remember, so remember. But you can't live in the past and what you should have done. What you did is what you did, keep that in mind for next time. By living in the past you just add to what you regret.

 

[entropie]

My sequence of events: "oops", try to fix, then move on. There is no point in dwelling on it, but I don't forget about it in case a second situation occurs, I will be prepared for it.

If the offense/mistake was unrepairable obviously you would have to deal with it the best you could then move on.

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