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  1. #1
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    Default is my mom an unhealthy ISFJ? or is she ISFP like me?

    I'm trying to type my mom, who I have bad relationship with. I want to know what has gone wrong. I am like her in many ways. So an understanding of her can help me understand myself, and my relationship with her.

    In my experience of her,

    she is introverted. She hardly has friends.
    She is very inconfident person. Fear of failure.
    Cold. Uncaring and critical to me.
    Nothing ever satisfies her. Nothing makes her happy.
    She has a sad look on her.
    A lot of anxiety. She worries about everything.
    She creates stories in her head about people and imagines the worst.
    She imagines that people are against her.
    Self-victimization mentality.
    She is very neat person. Which is why I think she's ISFJ while I'm ISFP, cos i'm messy.
    She's Anal about cleanliness. In fact neurotic. She imagines that the "dirty dust" of a woman's underwear would float into the air and settle and "contaminate" other things eg clean dishes.
    She is good in beautifying the home, choosing right bedsheets, etc. I think that's an ISFJ trait? I'm bad at beautifying my own bedroom.
    In social situations, she's inadequate and inconfident and keeps to herself.
    I have never seen her interested in knowledge or reading. So i doubt she is N.
    She likes to sing, cook, bake and do crochet. So i think she's S?
    She guilts trip family members, makes sarcastic remarks, etc, instead of being direct in her words. So I think she's F. emotionally abusive.
    She is very concerned about how other people view her and the family. A lot of fear of judging. A lot of pride. So bad that she would rather turn against me for "Shaming the family" rather than see why I chose this drastic action, when i chose to divorce.
    She does not seem to be an adventurous nor curious person, unlike me. i don't see her coming up with new hobbies or interests. Never. she's a very boring person.

    I don't know how she organises her finances and appointments, since we don't talk to each other much at all.

    What do you think? Is she ISFJ? or ISFP?

    (fyi, i think my dad is ENFJ)

  2. #2
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    She sounds like she's definitely an Si dom. That's ISxJ. What you're describing sounds like inferior Ne neurosis, very much so.

    I don't know much about her, she could either be ISFJ or an ISTJ in horrid Si/Fi loop, which is why you may confuse her with ISFP.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    She sounds like she's definitely an Si dom. That's ISxJ. What you're describing sounds like inferior Ne neurosis, very much so.

    I don't know much about her, she could either be ISFJ or an ISTJ in horrid Si/Fi loop, which is why you may confuse her with ISFP.
    thank you for confirming she's a J!! now it all make better sense.

    What does "inferior Ne neurosis" mean?
    what is "horrid Si/Fi loop" mean?

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by DoggyGirl View Post
    thank you for confirming she's a J!! now it all make better sense.

    What does "inferior Ne neurosis" mean?
    what is "horrid Si/Fi loop" mean?
    Well, what I mean is that from what you described she seems to avoid new things or risks because of an extreme fear of all of the possibilities of what could go wrong, imagining worst case scenario. What you're calling "being boring" ...it sounds like she's completely rejecting her Ne.

    Her cold, critical perfectionism and severe introversion sounds like an introverted loop to me, so this means she would either be an ISFJ in an Si/Ti loop (which would explain lack of warmth and social inadequacy, even if she has Fe, because Fe in ISFJs generally directs them ethically outward with their feeling function rather than being so withdrawn) ...or she's an ISTJ in an Si/Fi loop which could make her appear "feeler-ish" yet cold or detached at the same time.

    I'm not quick to say she's ISFJ just because she has a fear of shame upon the family and judging your moral choices, because my ISTJ grandfather was very much like that, having a need for a certain social presentation of being "morally correct" does not necessarily an ISFJ make.

    I'm guessing most people will tell you she's ISFJ, but I wouldn't totally rule out ISTJ with the limited information you've given...particularly since you have emphasized her extreme need for external organization, which could be indicative of Si/Te.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Well, what I mean is that from what you described she seems to avoid new things or risks because of an extreme fear of all of the possibilities of what could go wrong, imagining worst case scenario. What you're calling "being boring" ...it sounds like she's completely rejecting her Ne.

    Her cold, critical perfectionism and severe introversion sounds like an introverted loop to me, so this means she would either be an ISFJ in an Si/Ti loop (which would explain lack of warmth and social inadequacy, even if she has Fe, because Fe in ISFJs generally directs them ethically outward with their feeling function rather than being so withdrawn) ...or she's an ISTJ in an Si/Fi loop which could make her appear "feeler-ish" yet cold or detached at the same time.

    I'm not quick to say she's ISFJ just because she has a fear of shame upon the family and judging your moral choices, because my ISTJ grandfather was very much like that, having a need for a certain social presentation of being "morally correct" does not necessarily an ISFJ make.

    I'm guessing most people will tell you she's ISFJ, but I wouldn't totally rule out ISTJ with the limited information you've given...particularly since you have emphasized her extreme need for external organization, which could be indicative of Si/Te.
    Thanks.

    your explanation makes things clerer.

    i think she's ISFJ then.

    When she blames me for shaming the family, it's not so much about her concern with the family morals, but rather her face. She cannot face her friends. She imagines them all looking down on her. She feels embarassed. she literally avoids her friends for fear that they would ask her "how's your daughter doing?" she's afarid to tell them that her daughter is divorced etc.

  6. #6
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    I see. Well I'm sorry about that and you're probably right about her being ISFJ then if it isn't some outrage over her internal morality but rather fear of offending or being embarrassed by the standards of morality in her primary group.

    I'm also sorry that you seem too be having a difficult time with her. I hope things get better for you.

  7. #7
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    She doesn't sound very P to me at all. She sounds more J so I'll go with ISFJ. And yes, an unhealthy one.

    I hope you work things out. Maybe you can try telling her how you feel and see how that goes.

  8. #8
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    ISFJ 6w5 sp
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    ISFJ 6w5 sp
    Wow !!! you are good !!

    Can you do one for me as well?

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