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[ISTJ] Addicted to an ISTJ

nothing_left

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2011
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENFP
Greetings SJ's - do not worry I will not turn your immaculate command and control bunker into a bouncy castle.

Some facts first: I am a male 31 year old ENFP - not quite old and bitter yet but getting there. In the last few months I have talked to an adorable ISTJ girl over THE INTERNET. After the initial rush of the exchanging of likes and dislikes in various types of media (focusing heavily on music), as these things usually go; I found myself trying to figure out this creature. There was alot of shared passion in many areas,( some people think this is important. I'm not so sure anymore.) and we connected pretty deeply through a shared sense of humor. Many laughs and even more links sent back and forth.

This was enough to convince me that this was someone I needed to keep around. I'm sure the feeling was mutual seeing as we've talked every single day from the beginning, for hours - but it is never actually said or confirmed (do they ever?)

Trying to get to the bottom of her personality and figuring out how she operates have been one of the biggest challenges in my "career" in judging peoples character. I dont mind that, I saw it as a challenge - something we even discussed. She seemed to appreciate that I found joy in trying to map out her MO.

Soon enough pictures were exchanged (wow... :wubbie:) - and facebook profiles linked up. I feel us growing closer and closer - it was clear from the first moment that this was going to take some time, and even though I think its very exciting - I'm also very impatient. There are certain areas I will move the conversation into that is just shut down completely - denied. Fine I thought, not comfortable yet - try again later; and sure enough there we go. This is what I use to gauge the growth of trust.

I find I have to condition myself to pick up on the slightest of nuances in words and actions - as it seems like this type is ALL about the subtlety. I like that alot.
In trying to figure out how she feels about this and that, after a while I realized the reactions I want are there right infront of me, they are just not spelled out so clearly as I would have. The dynamics of the responses arent so wild, but subtle and VERY carefully placed. This took me about a month to figure out. And I cant begin to tell you how much I love just that. The preciseness of how the emotions are displayed - even though small, I feel I can trust them completely.


After so many years and failed relationships I came to the realization that I've always been attracted to the people who are much like me - outgoing, fun, experimental and spontaneous. Needless to say, this has not worked at all.

So I've widened my search - and only when I met this creature did I realize that perhaps this is what I need. A calm center - and a safe harbor. From what I've read this all seems to make sense, no?

My natural impulse - as I'm sure most ENFPs will confirm is to smother and display virtually boundless affection for all these little things that I've found and loved - and that was one of the things I realized early on was a mistake. It pushes her away. But little by little, day by day it gets a little better - I am improving in containing my enthusiasm, and she rewards me by opening up just a little more.

And thats the thing - trying to grow closer and figure out this adorable little creature has in fact changed the way I look at a lot of things, and the way I behave. I am also almost certain that its for the better. This, to me - is amazing. Now obviously this isnt something I've revealed; not yet. Some might say this is a bad thing because O M G YOUR IDENTITY but I say bollocks. I've always known I was far too intense, and get caught up in things far too easy. I welcome this change - becoming a more balanced individual.

Jesus christ im writing an effin book here!

Anyway - I love the fact that she keeps coming back, that if I contain myself and NOT pester in all the hours of the day sooner or later she shows up - wanting to talk. I give it some space, and like a cute little cat sooner or later she comes into my lap. (They are much like cats arent they?) It feels very dependable, stable - and the reliability of it makes it seem... warm, in a way.


Its all so very very different and new - and I'm having a great time applying these MBTI bits to the relationship and seeing them actually work well.


Anyway - thank you for reading my little story. I felt I needed some place to just sperg out with all this, to someone I suspect will understand. Your comments are most welcome, even if you want to troll - I find that amusing.

edit: Oh yes, the title. I have become addicted to this person, talking and figuring out - sharing and experimenting. Its unnerving. Can you be my supportgroup or something?

There is most definitely something to this whole ISTJ-ENFP attraction. They say it will be so hard and difficult - but what if one day you sit with the other person and think; this is it. This is the happiest I've ever been and I could die right now and it wouldnt matter. Wouldnt it be worth it?
 

swordpath

New member
Joined
Oct 24, 2007
Messages
10,547
MBTI Type
ISTx
Enneagram
5w6
I wish you better luck than I had, sir. There is something very natural about an ENFP/ISTJ bond, it seems. The biggest hurdle will simply be communication and a willingness to at least try to understand the other person... and that goes both ways.
 

nothing_left

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2011
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENFP
I wish you better luck than I had, sir. There is something very natural about an ENFP/ISTJ bond, it seems. The biggest hurdle will simply be communication and a willingness to at least try to understand the other person... and that goes both ways.

Ah yes - I added something about that while you were posting it seems - and I also agree with you. 7 years alone now - I am the willingest.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
ENFPs are insane and we scare the shit out of IxTJs.

However, it's fantastic that you already figured out to leave her alone. You must have had practice.

Good luck.
 

swordpath

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Oct 24, 2007
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As long as you're stable, you aren't as scary as you may think/want to take credit for. :p
 

Thalassa

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As long as you're stable, you aren't as scary as you may think/want to take credit for. :p

Well, he was saying how his enthusiasm and intensity sent her into hiding, but when learned to back off...dammit he gave the cat metaphor and everything. :doh:

Sometimes I honestly think SJs are less afraid of us. Maybe they have a better grip on reality.
 

swordpath

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I guess it depends on the ISTJ. I'm fairly accustomed to strange people... in fact I prefer a certain level of goofiness/weirdness in my friends/interests. I'm still not sure how much of an ISTJ I am though, so consider that variable.
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
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Oct 4, 2007
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sp/so
my ISTJ collects ExxPs for some reason... I think it secretly brings him great joy to complain that he's the only sane person in the room since EVERY ONE OF HIS FRIENDS is an ExxP... including me :thelook:
 

countrygirl

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Jan 7, 2009
Messages
722
MBTI Type
ISFJ
I say good luck to you. Communication in any relationship with any MBTI is paramount. However (not knowing how serious you are about this person) when it comes to marriage, it is best to remember that similar ways in parenting, sending habits, and sex makes it easier. For it is usually over these things that relationships crumble.
 

Lady_X

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well i liked your cute lil story...good luck to ya...opposites can attract and repel... usually they do both..but maybe knowing personality theory will help you guys. :)
 

Habba

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Jul 22, 2008
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988
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ISTJ
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1w9
I love ENFPs, but hate how easily they can attach and detach themselves to/from people/places. Makes me feel that they don't really care because they don't commit fully.
 

Lady_X

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Oct 27, 2008
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well then you all should know that you're wrong. :)

every single enfp person i have known wishes to remain friends with their exes and would almost never write off a close friend....we're not the door slamming type. if we're close to you...we almost always feel close to you regardless of how many years have passed.

so this attach/detach thing is being misread most likely.
 

swordpath

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Well, some us may have actually experienced this, but it's not to say it's a problem across the board.
 

Lady_X

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maybe you have...but reality can only be defined by your perception...and people perceive things differently all the time...is all i'm sayin.
 

nothing_left

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Apr 5, 2011
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENFP
I love ENFPs, but hate how easily they can attach and detach themselves to/from people/places. Makes me feel that they don't really care because they don't commit fully.


You are reading it 100% wrong. Either that or you had a false view of the relationship to begin with/false expectations.

Or maybe you're horribly insecure.
 

nothing_left

New member
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Apr 5, 2011
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENFP
well i liked your cute lil story...good luck to ya...opposites can attract and repel... usually they do both..but maybe knowing personality theory will help you guys. :)

maybe. its not exactly encouraging knowing how hard it can be - sometimes I think I would be better off not knowing about it, but then again - I probably would have given up long ago were that the case.
 

bcubchgo

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Jul 29, 2010
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ENTJ
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3w4
I love ENFPs, but hate how easily they can attach and detach themselves to/from people/places. Makes me feel that they don't really care because they don't commit fully.

interesting. because a few of the ISTJ's that I've known have this exact attitude and are "players" because they don't wish to become emotionally invested in anyone.
 
Joined
Feb 4, 2009
Messages
580
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INFJ
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4w5
My dad is an ISTJ and my mom is an ENFP. They have a great marriage that has lasted over 50 years. They got over the bumps in the road together and have reaped the benefits of hanging in there through it all. It's really pretty cute how much they still love, care for each other, tease each other, and make each other laugh. In summary ISTJ+ENFP seems to be a great combination. Best of luck to you in your relationship. :)
 

swordpath

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Oct 24, 2007
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^That's awesome. Assuming both people are stable, I don't see how an ISTJ+ENFP pairing can't be awesome and rewarding if, like you said in your parent's case, they're determined and willing to get over the bumps and hang in there.
 
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