Greetings SJ's - do not worry I will not turn your immaculate command and control bunker into a bouncy castle.
Some facts first: I am a male 31 year old ENFP - not quite old and bitter yet but getting there. In the last few months I have talked to an adorable ISTJ girl over THE INTERNET. After the initial rush of the exchanging of likes and dislikes in various types of media (focusing heavily on music), as these things usually go; I found myself trying to figure out this creature. There was alot of shared passion in many areas,( some people think this is important. I'm not so sure anymore.) and we connected pretty deeply through a shared sense of humor. Many laughs and even more links sent back and forth.
This was enough to convince me that this was someone I needed to keep around. I'm sure the feeling was mutual seeing as we've talked every single day from the beginning, for hours - but it is never actually said or confirmed (do they ever?)
Trying to get to the bottom of her personality and figuring out how she operates have been one of the biggest challenges in my "career" in judging peoples character. I dont mind that, I saw it as a challenge - something we even discussed. She seemed to appreciate that I found joy in trying to map out her MO.
Soon enough pictures were exchanged (wow... ) - and facebook profiles linked up. I feel us growing closer and closer - it was clear from the first moment that this was going to take some time, and even though I think its very exciting - I'm also very impatient. There are certain areas I will move the conversation into that is just shut down completely - denied. Fine I thought, not comfortable yet - try again later; and sure enough there we go. This is what I use to gauge the growth of trust.
I find I have to condition myself to pick up on the slightest of nuances in words and actions - as it seems like this type is ALL about the subtlety. I like that alot.
In trying to figure out how she feels about this and that, after a while I realized the reactions I want are there right infront of me, they are just not spelled out so clearly as I would have. The dynamics of the responses arent so wild, but subtle and VERY carefully placed. This took me about a month to figure out. And I cant begin to tell you how much I love just that. The preciseness of how the emotions are displayed - even though small, I feel I can trust them completely.
After so many years and failed relationships I came to the realization that I've always been attracted to the people who are much like me - outgoing, fun, experimental and spontaneous. Needless to say, this has not worked at all.
So I've widened my search - and only when I met this creature did I realize that perhaps this is what I need. A calm center - and a safe harbor. From what I've read this all seems to make sense, no?
My natural impulse - as I'm sure most ENFPs will confirm is to smother and display virtually boundless affection for all these little things that I've found and loved - and that was one of the things I realized early on was a mistake. It pushes her away. But little by little, day by day it gets a little better - I am improving in containing my enthusiasm, and she rewards me by opening up just a little more.
And thats the thing - trying to grow closer and figure out this adorable little creature has in fact changed the way I look at a lot of things, and the way I behave. I am also almost certain that its for the better. This, to me - is amazing. Now obviously this isnt something I've revealed; not yet. Some might say this is a bad thing because O M G YOUR IDENTITY but I say bollocks. I've always known I was far too intense, and get caught up in things far too easy. I welcome this change - becoming a more balanced individual.
Jesus christ im writing an effin book here!
Anyway - I love the fact that she keeps coming back, that if I contain myself and NOT pester in all the hours of the day sooner or later she shows up - wanting to talk. I give it some space, and like a cute little cat sooner or later she comes into my lap. (They are much like cats arent they?) It feels very dependable, stable - and the reliability of it makes it seem... warm, in a way.
Its all so very very different and new - and I'm having a great time applying these MBTI bits to the relationship and seeing them actually work well.
Anyway - thank you for reading my little story. I felt I needed some place to just sperg out with all this, to someone I suspect will understand. Your comments are most welcome, even if you want to troll - I find that amusing.
edit: Oh yes, the title. I have become addicted to this person, talking and figuring out - sharing and experimenting. Its unnerving. Can you be my supportgroup or something?
There is most definitely something to this whole ISTJ-ENFP attraction. They say it will be so hard and difficult - but what if one day you sit with the other person and think; this is it. This is the happiest I've ever been and I could die right now and it wouldnt matter. Wouldnt it be worth it?