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  1. #31
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habba
    I love ENFPs, but hate how easily they can attach and detach themselves to/from people/places. Makes me feel that they don't really care because they don't commit fully.
    Quote Originally Posted by nothing_left View Post
    You are reading it 100% wrong. Either that or you had a false view of the relationship to begin with/false expectations.

    Or maybe you're horribly insecure.
    ISJs are insecure by their nature, that's why we try to create this structure of familiarity around us. That's where we thrive. This is why it's difficult for us to understand why would someone like to leave their familiar grounds if it's all nice and stable.

    Pretty much every ENFP I know make friends anywhere they go, and people seem to view them favoriably quickly. But that goes to the other way around too, because they have such a nature talent for connecting with new people, they are not bound to the old ones.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm all thumbs up for ISTJ-ENFP relationships. They are difficult (since they both see everything in a different way, but luckily they seem to share interests and sense of humor), but nothing good ever comes easily. Like they say, no pain, no gain.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    ISJs are insecure by their nature, that's why we try to create this structure of familiarity around us. That's where we thrive. This is why it's difficult for us to understand why would someone like to leave their familiar grounds if it's all nice and stable.

    Pretty much every ENFP I know make friends anywhere they go, and people seem to view them favoriably quickly. But that goes to the other way around too, because they have such a nature talent for connecting with new people, they are not bound to the old ones.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm all thumbs up for ISTJ-ENFP relationships. They are difficult (since they both see everything in a different way, but luckily they seem to share interests and sense of humor), but nothing good ever comes easily. Like they say, no pain, no gain.
    ahhh I see now - thanks for the clarification; makes much more sense now. (almost understandable!)

    I personally dont recognize myself in this however - as I've gotten older I dont give away the friend status so easily. Once I do I hang on for dear life - and often feel like I'm the one being passed on.


    I thank you for your insight.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    I agree. I'm friends with so many people from high school and other times and places in my life on facebook, a few years ago I talked to my highschool bf on the phone for HOURS and caught up with him, and I actually stayed in touch with my ESFJ ex for a long time and tried to be friends with him for years, and in a weird sort of way even felt RESPONSIBLE for him because he has emotional problems.

    No, I don't think ENFPs are door slammers. Even with people I'm not especially close to I can get over being mad and forgive them, unless they just keep violating my values or are just particularly repellent to me.

    I do think we can seem to attach quickly since we'll be so enthusiastic about people whom we like, and I can't say I've detached quickly from someone I actually truly cared about...however, we do have a way of moving on with our lives, for the most part, if something begins to seem unhealthy or isn't working anymore.

    I actually was very dedicated to trying to make my relationship with my ESFJ ex work, but the issues were insurmountable because he wouldn't stay in therapy. He might perceive me as the person who 'detached' but that's only because he won't take responsibility for doing something about his behavioral problems.
    Hmm..this is the kind of stuff that kind of puts me off about ENFPs. They are friends with EVERYONE, no matter what it seems like. It makes it really hard to me to determine when they are actually loyal or not. I mean, if you're friends with everyone, then who is actually special?

    I'm not trying to bash ENFPs or anything, but I guess I just like really tight knit, lasting bonds and I don't think that happens with everyone.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by SinneDeelie View Post
    Hmm..this is the kind of stuff that kind of puts me off about ENFPs. They are friends with EVERYONE, no matter what it seems like. It makes it really hard to me to determine when they are actually loyal or not. I mean, if you're friends with everyone, then who is actually special?

    I'm not trying to bash ENFPs or anything, but I guess I just like really tight knit, lasting bonds and I don't think that happens with everyone.
    Let me get this straight...the fact that I can be kind to my high school bf in passing as an acquaintence who once talked to him on the phone a couple of times for a few hours to catch up, and that I was so devoted to my ESFJ ex that I tried to make it work, and even felt emotionally responsible for him, though he is a destructive train wreck of an individual, makes you not trust ENFPs?

    Our loyalty and dedication makes you suspect disloyalty?

    I'm at a loss. But yeah, no, we don't shut people out hard. That makes you feel secure? Shutting people out hard?

    When I'm with someone I want to be with, they are the only person I want to be with. If I like you, you know it, trust me.

  5. #35
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    P.S. I don't care if ISxJs trust me.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by SinneDeelie View Post
    Hmm..this is the kind of stuff that kind of puts me off about ENFPs. They are friends with EVERYONE, no matter what it seems like. It makes it really hard to me to determine when they are actually loyal or not. I mean, if you're friends with everyone, then who is actually special?

    I'm not trying to bash ENFPs or anything, but I guess I just like really tight knit, lasting bonds and I don't think that happens with everyone.
    I find that there is a fine line between being friendly and being friends. Most ENFPs I have know have a wide array of what I would classify as aquainttances*, but a much smaller, select group of deep soul friends.

    *I can't spell tonight.

  7. #37
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    P.S. I don't care if ISxJs trust me.
    I trust you!!!

    But then, I'm not an ISTJ so....I need to GTFO of this thread
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Let me get this straight...the fact that I can be kind to my high school bf in passing as an acquaintence who once talked to him on the phone a couple of times for a few hours to catch up, and that I was so devoted to my ESFJ ex that I tried to make it work, and even felt emotionally responsible for him, though he is a destructive train wreck of an individual, makes you not trust ENFPs?

    Our loyalty and dedication makes you suspect disloyalty?

    I'm at a loss. But yeah, no, we don't shut people out hard. That makes you feel secure? Shutting people out hard?

    When I'm with someone I want to be with, they are the only person I want to be with. If I like you, you know it, trust me.
    I never said you have to shut out people hard, but for me its confusing when I meet people who seem to be friends with everyone (the ENFPs I've met fall into this category). I don't feel like I could be a good friend to a large quantity of people all at once, so when I meet someone who is friendly with everyone, it makes we wonder where they have to cut corners in the relationships. This leads to wondering where loyalties actually lie. Keep in mind, I'm not an ENFP and maybe ENFPs don't have a problem with juggling that many friends. But thats my ISxJ point of view and it leads to some weariness at least initially.

    And btw, I don't care if you don't care if ISxJ's trust you either.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I find that there is a fine line between being friendly and being friends. Most ENFPs I have know have a wide array of what I would classify as aquainttances*, but a much smaller, select group of deep soul friends.

    *I can't spell tonight.
    Thats a good point. But I feel guilty when I'm friendly to people without thinking that we might actually become friends at some point. I'm not rude to anyone but I just don't want to lead anyone on. I don't want to be friendly, but then not have time/energy to actually be friends. Hopefully that makes some kind of sense. lol.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by SinneDeelie View Post
    Thats a good point. But I feel guilty when I'm friendly to people without thinking that we might actually become friends at some point. I'm not rude to anyone but I just don't want to lead anyone on. I don't want to be friendly, but then not have time/energy to actually be friends. Hopefully that makes some kind of sense. lol.
    It does as a fellow I.

    I have been actively working on expanding my "Friends" network outwards. I used to only have friends and talk to people if I thought it was going to be a worthwhile (ie long) investment. But I have been finding that it's "ok" for me to be a bit of a social butterfly at times.

    I still feel guilty on occasion if I REALLY like someone and I want to make them feel special.... I try giving them that quiet little INFP happy to be with them vibe... and then I worry that they will feel unspecial because I was talking to others... and I could go on and on. Now, I am trying the "give everyone slack including me!" approach.

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