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  1. #21

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    Don't do it. It will ruin you. She wont value you for your strengths, you will always fall short of her expectations. It will NOT fulfill you. But you'll go along and do it anyway wont you?

    Advice is a givers gift though and I'm sure you wont take mine.

  2. #22
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    Actually I dont really get into relationships to get my "strengths valued". Thats already taken care of. I worry more about my own expectations in addition to that - as they are far stricter.

    Also your approach to reverse psychology is somewhat hamfisted.

  3. #23
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    The only concern I would have about this - typology aside - is online is is really easy to perceive someone as better than they are. It's kind of hard to get a hold on a person's flaws. You talk about her like she is the embodiment of perfection in your first post. I knew a couple that met IRL and both ended up really disappointed because they had such an idealistic perspective of what the other people was going to be like. I'm not trying to discourage you or anything. I say go for it. Just try to keep your expectations down to earth. Hope it works out.

    Quote Originally Posted by tayto View Post
    Don't do it. It will ruin you. She wont value you for your strengths, you will always fall short of her expectations. It will NOT fulfill you. But you'll go along and do it anyway wont you?

    Advice is a givers gift though and I'm sure you wont take mine.
    Wow. Quite the bloodsucking demons we ISTJ women are.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    well then you all should know that you're wrong.

    every single enfp person i have known wishes to remain friends with their exes and would almost never write off a close friend....we're not the door slamming type. if we're close to you...we almost always feel close to you regardless of how many years have passed.

    so this attach/detach thing is being misread most likely.
    I agree. I'm friends with so many people from high school and other times and places in my life on facebook, a few years ago I talked to my highschool bf on the phone for HOURS and caught up with him, and I actually stayed in touch with my ESFJ ex for a long time and tried to be friends with him for years, and in a weird sort of way even felt RESPONSIBLE for him because he has emotional problems.

    No, I don't think ENFPs are door slammers. Even with people I'm not especially close to I can get over being mad and forgive them, unless they just keep violating my values or are just particularly repellent to me.

    I do think we can seem to attach quickly since we'll be so enthusiastic about people whom we like, and I can't say I've detached quickly from someone I actually truly cared about...however, we do have a way of moving on with our lives, for the most part, if something begins to seem unhealthy or isn't working anymore.

    I actually was very dedicated to trying to make my relationship with my ESFJ ex work, but the issues were insurmountable because he wouldn't stay in therapy. He might perceive me as the person who 'detached' but that's only because he won't take responsibility for doing something about his behavioral problems.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    The only concern I would have about this - typology aside - is online is is really easy to perceive someone as better than they are. It's kind of hard to get a hold on a person's flaws. You talk about her like she is the embodiment of perfection in your first post. I knew a couple that met IRL and both ended up really disappointed because they had such an idealistic perspective of what the other people was going to be like. I'm not trying to discourage you or anything. I say go for it. Just try to keep your expectations down to earth. Hope it works out.



    Wow. Quite the bloodsucking demons we ISTJ women are.
    Yeah you make an excellent point - and its something I've been concerned with myself. There are flaws to be sure, and I'm pretty sure i've been guilty of "filling in the blanks" from my own mind. I definitely hear what you're saying and I'm trying hard to stay on top of that - but it isnt easy. Anyway this perspective was much needed, and I thank you for it.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    I agree. I'm friends with so many people from high school and other times and places in my life on facebook, a few years ago I talked to my highschool bf on the phone for HOURS and caught up with him, and I actually stayed in touch with my ESFJ ex for a long time and tried to be friends with him for years, and in a weird sort of way even felt RESPONSIBLE for him because he has emotional problems.

    No, I don't think ENFPs are door slammers. Even with people I'm not especially close to I can get over being mad and forgive them, unless they just keep violating my values or are just particularly repellent to me.

    I do think we can seem to attach quickly since we'll be so enthusiastic about people whom we like, and I can't say I've detached quickly from someone I actually truly cared about...however, we do have a way of moving on with our lives, for the most part, if something begins to seem unhealthy or isn't working anymore.

    I actually was very dedicated to trying to make my relationship with my ESFJ ex work, but the issues were insurmountable because he wouldn't stay in therapy. He might perceive me as the person who 'detached' but that's only because he won't take responsibility for doing something about his behavioral problems.
    I also think this is quite true. Well, except for with my sister or my family in general - then all bets are off and doors do get slammed; but only for the briefest of moments. New rules apply for family anyway, in my experience.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by nothing_left View Post
    I also think this is quite true. Well, except for with my sister or my family in general - then all bets are off and doors do get slammed; but only for the briefest of moments. New rules apply for family anyway, in my experience.
    Oh I certainly agree we can get really mad and shut people out briefly, or take our space. But "door slamming" implies a lack of forgiveness over a long period of time. There's a difference between getting temporary space, or becoming upset...and just shutting people out of your life entirely, which is what I think "door slamming" would be in this context.

  8. #28
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    Oh I see - in that case yes. The times I've been mad at people for more than one hour I can count on one hand; and those are all cases of unforgivable treason.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Intricate Mystic View Post
    My dad is an ISTJ and my mom is an ENFP. They have a great marriage that has lasted over 50 years. They got over the bumps in the road together and have reaped the benefits of hanging in there through it all. It's really pretty cute how much they still love, care for each other, tease each other, and make each other laugh. In summary ISTJ+ENFP seems to be a great combination. Best of luck to you in your relationship.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ignite View Post
    ^That's awesome. Assuming both people are stable, I don't see how an ISTJ+ENFP pairing can't be awesome and rewarding if, like you said in your parent's case, they're determined and willing to get over the bumps and hang in there.
    that is cool..most of you guys have heard that it wasn't so easy for me but even still...i truly do think if both people appreciate what the other brings to the table then the differences could be complimentary.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #30
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    Flaws:

    Arrogant - Believes to be smarter than most
    Snobby - What she likes is matter of factly better because...
    A Nightmare in conflicts - Any argument or conflict is brought to the win/lose level where winner takes it all. By having the belief that she is always right; this will never end well.
    Whimsical - Yeah you heard me. Any previously stated or held belief can be completely one-eightied and justified without remorse because SHE is the arbiter of trust, justice and fact.
    A coward - Scared of emotions, will break down and repeat herself in the face of perceived defeat. Refuses to take own steps to improve the negative mindset.
    Spoiled - On male attention and devotion. Love is just a four letter word.


    Ok I think thats it - I feel much better!

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