My ESFJ friend talks to me about his emotional situation quite a lot. I have noticed he seems to have one significant problem. It seems related to Fe. He says he judges himself according to the social standards of what people from his culture should do with their lives. (I'm from the same race/cultural background and I haven't noticed these standards.) He says these standards are on his mind all the time. If he deviates from what he thinks these standards are, he starts to get down on himself. Same if he can't live up to them. He is his harshest critic and says he's been like this for years. Also, he says other people are always judging him by these same criteria.
He "vents" a lot to me and it always seems to come back to this. I strongly believe his problem is caused by the very things that are positive about the ESFJ type (caring for other people also means caring what they think of you, how they judge you, etc. right?). It's a double-edged sword.
I don't know what to say to help him (any thoughts?) and I can't sympathize having never wanted to fit myself into standards. Help me help my friend? Thanks.