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  1. #11
    Senior Member syndatha's Avatar
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    Yes, you are a stuffed animal.
    If you don't have kids, I would advice you to leave, as I don't see how any of you can get anything out of this.
    If you have kids, or otherwise are willing to fight - go to couples counselling - Please
    Good luck; you seem like a very nice person who really deserves better.

  2. #12
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stu Katz View Post
    We don't have any activities or interests in common after dating, other than both working at home
    well, why did you get married in the first place? maybe you can use the answer to that question to reconnect some.

    overall this sounds like a sucky situation, and i'm sorry you have to go through it. however, if she's not hanging out with you much, and doesn't want sex, then it would seem like she's having some deeper problems.

    if change is hard for her, then moving in with you and working in the same house all the time might seem like a lot to her. she might feel a bit suffocated, even. i would just be up front with her about it. ask her why she usually feels like sleeping or what you can do with her that she would enjoy. how you can make it so that she can enjoy sex too. ask her if she'd like to go to couples' counseling.

    good luck

  3. #13
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    It's a little funny that this is the SJ forum and there hasn't been a word from an SJ of any kind. I'm guessing this is a sign of disapproval of my handling of the situation? I would really value your thoughts, I'm all out of actions.
    I dont think antidepressants to handle an unhappy life is the answer. It seems to create a whole mess of new problems for everyone lol.

  4. #14
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I'm an SJ and I asked a question up above. I'm a little unclear about the situation you two are in. Are you married but not living together? Do you have kids? It's hard being with someone who is depressed when you are not depressed. It seems like the only thing you can do is try to help her out of her depression. Also, tell her how you are feeling. There's probably more information about this on the internet than I can provide.

  5. #15

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    Check out socionics. It says that she is your supervisor so I can't see how you could help her. It also says that an enfp is your best match. We are giving and warm just like an esfj but we are able to see the bigger picture and help you to envision the future and make it the best future possible. Also we love sex and intimacy and we are the most understanding and patient of all the types.

    When you are alone with a porn or your hand do you only think of her? Yes? No?

    My istp only thinks of me, and he's an istp so he don't lie. I'm not anything special but I obviously must be to him. That is duality. Check it out, you wont be sorry, I promise. After 5/6 years together I think that is a pretty good indicator of whether or not he is satisfied.

  6. #16
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stu Katz View Post
    It's a little funny that this is the SJ forum and there hasn't been a word from an SJ of any kind. I'm guessing this is a sign of disapproval of my handling of the situation? I would really value your thoughts, I'm all out of actions.
    I dont think antidepressants to handle an unhappy life is the answer. It seems to create a whole mess of new problems for everyone lol.
    As Giggly stated, there isn't a lot of information to work with here. I'm curious about the following:

    How did you two meet? How long did you date? Was she always this way or is this a recent development? Do you have kids? Are you living together? Are you having financial problems?

    From what little you've provided, as an SFJ myself (though I'm a guy so I don't know how much that might shew the results) but I know that if I were to ever to be in here situation then that would mean that there are serious underlying problems that I need to address and until I address those issues, my marriage is going to suffer.

    In the meantime, just talk to her or even just talk at her if need be but try and let her know that you are willing to listen to whatever is on her mind. This may result you in getting inundated with her emotions and I realize that might overwhelm you but just take a couple of deep breaths and let her say what she needs to say. If you do need to respond, just try to remind her of what a strong and amazing person she is. I have the distinct feeling she has a very low self-esteem so these are words she needs to hear.

    She also needs to see a psychiatrist or psycho-therapist. I went through a severe depression myself 10 years or so ago and there was a lot of work that I needed to do by myself for myself. The question you need to ask yourself is how much do you love this woman and how committed are you to standing next to her? I ask because I promise...it's going to get worse before it gets better

    Take care! I hope things work out
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  7. #17
    Boldly Gone Malice's Avatar
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    ESFJ woman responding.

    Depression does have a huge impact on a relationship, I know this because I am depressed, diagnosed but unmedicated. Honestly the description of your situation is really too brief for me to really feel like I have a handle on the situation well enough to give sound advice. To me it appears like your ESFJ is lacking something emotionally in regards to you, so much so that she's settled into a companionship and potentially lost the spark that makes her want to share any sort of romance and intimacy with you.

    In the past, when I've stopped "feeling fuzzy" towards the other person, my level of romance/passion/desire to be near my significant other has lessened greatly but my internal sense of 'duty' to them has never wavered. What you end up with is woman who is loyal, but unhappy. Sort of like where you have the outer shell of a wife that cooks, cleans, takes care of what needs to be taken care of but without the underlying warmth that makes any of these things feel 'right'. Depression may play a part of it, but it sounds more like hurt to me. Something may have happened that she can't get over, perhaps even made her regret her decision to be with you, that makes her more content to sit and knit than go out and spend more time with you than necessary. I feel sad for her actually, it reads like she feels trapped. Maybe she's waiting for you to step it up or end it?

    I agree with everyone else in saying that communication is key, that if you don't sit her down and be open (but non-accusational) with your feelings that you may have lost her. Counseling is also an option. I sympathize that you're at the end of your rope, but it kind of sounds like on some level you've already made up your mind too. I hope that both of you can have an open/honest sit down and put all your cards on the table. Good luck.

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