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  1. #41
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    Incidentally this works well with ISFJs too.

    Just saying....

    Did I ever tell you that's an uber cool hat in your profile picture? For that matter, nice suit!

    Is it working?

  2. #42
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Did I ever tell you that's an uber cool hat in your profile picture? For that matter, nice suit!

    Is it working?
    You are actually the 4th person to point that out to me and I always chuckle because the hat is actually from Wal-Mart of all places o_0

    Yes, it's working beautifully my dear
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  3. #43
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    so talk to her, tell her what I want without being offensive?
    What about "I'm not in the mood to talk about x, let's talk about z instead" with a smile and positive tonality?
    People tend to overcomplicate their lives to generate proxy-problems. Just be honest and accepting. If she doesn't want to talk about stuff you like, you shouldn't force it, but you don't have to listen to topics you find uninteresting, your time and attention is too valuable. Feel free to simply chill out.

  4. #44
    Senior Member guesswho's Avatar
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    Just because their type isn't interesting, it doesn't mean that they can't be interesting and uncommon.

  5. #45
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I actually never said they couldn't be unintersting or uncommon. I said my experiences with them have been as such and I do think we bore each other to tears. Lock us in a room together and well the result won't be nice. Maybe I've only ever known unhealthy ESFJs. I don't know why I still feel the need to defend my intentions, or what I actually meant. Hell I don't know why I'm still posting in this thread, I've gotten the advice I've wanted.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  6. #46
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Just backtracking over this thread, I don't think Giggly was being defensive. The only actionable item I see in the OP is:

    how do I relate to someone I have barely anything in common with?
    to which Giggly gave three suggestions. prpl, you said you don't find ESFJs offensive but you do find them boring and uninteresting, Giggly's suggestions are still applicable. Jennifer nicely expounded up them, but it's not like they weren't put out there to begin with. The startling fact of the world is your won't have anything in common with most people. Most people are thrown into situations together and make the best of what they have. They do that by learning about the other person, building common interests or at least tolerating each other's interests enough so the world doesn't break apart. Think of a Venn Diagram. There usually is a very small area of where people overlap and it's often difficult to find.

    http://www.kkboss.com/wp-content/upl...nn_diagram.png

    I understand you live with this person so the relationship is not something you can just turn off at the end of the day. I don't know what realizations your roommate has come to about yalls relationship, but if there's no bond, there's no bond. You don't need to be besties, but you do need to be respectful, polite and do your part to keep common areas clean. I assume this is happening already. You say you have a tendency to piss her off...what about? And prpl, let's get real, knowing how you can be on the forum I wouldn't be surprised if some of that manifested itself IRL and it can be grating. If some of the threads you've started are examples of things you like to talk about, I can't say I'd be interested in talking about those so it's probably no loss on anyone's part.

    Now for my personal opinion: possibly being an ESFJ myself I think some of the replies in this thread are BS. ESFJs basically like fluff is my interpretation. There are infinite subjects and topics of interesting in this world. People only know to talk about what's in their domain of knowledge to talk about. You can expand their domain (and expand yours) or briefly visit their's and they'll visit yours and that needs both people being invested in building the relationship. If you think the person is boring and uninteresting to begin with, I'd say you need to change how you conceive of that person. Maybe you'll start seeing some changes in your attitude towards them, which affects your behavior and in turn will change their conceptions of you and how they act towards you.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  7. #47
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    actually I very rarely talk about what I want in real life.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  8. #48
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    actually I very rarely talk about what I want in real life.
    I suppose you're responding to my post. What part?

    And if you don't, how do you expect someone to be able to find something you find interesting?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  9. #49
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    the middle paragraph towards. the end. And the fact that you said you find the stuff I want to talk about boring proves my point that some ESFJs have the tendecy to find me boring and uniteresting aswell. I'm really not trying to be like ESFJs suck, yeah sometimes you piss me off, but overall I like you. And I think that's always going to be problem with me and ESFJs, I want to learn to appreciate them, but it's hard when I have piss poor Fe and piss poor Si but their might be another reason. I know I have both Fe and Si I just don't use it to the same capacity as an ESFJ, and maybe if I develop those functions I'll be able to relate to the type better.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  10. #50
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    actually I very rarely talk about what I want in real life.
    I think there's a strong indication that she does want to know what interests you, given the fact she talks to you so much. Believe it or not, extraverts talk to people because they are interested in getting to know them.

    I'd also like to add that when a person is trying to get to know someone who refuses to talk to them, it makes them talk about stupid stuff (i.e. fluff and nonsense) in an effort to keep things engaged yet "safe". Everyone does this whether they realize it or not.

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