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[ESFJ] Male ESFJs...

pure_mercury

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Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
6,946
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Actually, I should add a side note that hetero men who are seen as homo end up not getting any and for an sx variant like me it FUCKING SUCKS in a very bad way.

I get some. LOL Not as much as I would like, but I am not striking out ALL the time. I pick up women, but I have a very hard time keeping a relationship going. I am 25 years old, and my longest relationship was 10-11th grade in high school, and about 10 months long. :(
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I get some. LOL Not as much as I would like, but I am not striking out ALL the time. I pick up women, but I have a very hard time keeping a relationship going. I am 25 years old, and my longest relationship was 10-11th grade in high school, and about 10 months long. :(

Similar boat: longest was, again, 10 months and that was 3 years ago. The rest I end up with only one week or one month - you'd think I'd learn to be pickier...
 

pure_mercury

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Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
6,946
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Similar boat: longest was, again, 10 months and that was 3 years ago. The rest I end up with only one week or one month - you'd think I'd learn to be pickier...

Same thing that always happens to me happened at the Britpop dance party. Met a cute pixieish brunette who couldn't believe that I could drink, dance, and sing the words to EVERY song, and we kind of hit it off. She had to leave with her two male friends who were a little whiny, though. I didn't even have time to get her name.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Eh, mine can be more along the lines of

girl: "nice hair, where did you get it done?"
me: "thanks, I... did it myself" :blush:
girl: "you do hair?" :huh:
me: "eh, kind of..." thinking: "I would wrather do you though"
girl: "you're not like gay are you?"
me: "no, no I'm not" thinking: "of ourse I am, that's totally why I'm drooling over your twin Cs at this very moment" :BangHead:
girl: "right...." :run:
me: thinking: "I'm so not getting laid tonight..." :doh:

madmins do with the derailment as thou will if needed
 

pure_mercury

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Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
6,946
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Eh, mine can be more along the lines of

girl: "nice hair, where did you get it done?"
me: "thanks, I... did it myself" :blush:
girl: "you do hair?" :huh:
me: "eh, kind of..." thinking: "I would wrather do you though"
girl: "you're not like gay are you?"
me: "no, no I'm not" thinking: "of ourse I am, that's totally why I'm drooling over your twin Cs at this very moment" :BangHead:
girl: "right...." :run:
me: thinking: "I'm so not getting laid tonight..." :doh:

madmins do with the derailment as thou will if needed

Well, easy answer here: Lie, or start getting your hair cut by a professional. Even if it's Supercuts. I don't recommend lying. Still, I go to a fairly hip hair salon in Center City Philadelphia, and I love my stylist. She is a sweet punk rock party girl, and we talk about relationships a fair amount. I get the feeling she also does not get many straight male customers, and she is very non-judgmental, so it's fun. I always like to get the female perspective about my personal woes.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Well, easy answer here: Lie, or start getting your hair cut by a professional. Even if it's Supercuts. I don't recommend lying. Still, I go to a fairly hip hair salon in Center City Philadelphia, and I love my stylist. She is a sweet punk rock party girl, and we talk about relationships a fair amount. I get the feeling she also does not get many straight male customers, and she is very non-judgmental, so it's fun. I always like to get the female perspective about my personal woes.

Eh, but I'm cheap and I find the talk draining... :blush:
 

runvardh

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Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
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sx/so
They don't have men's hair cuts for like $15 in Alberta?

I'm reeeeealy cheap when it comes to my own needs, especially if I can do it myself. I also hate adding to the list of appointments I already have and yes that's my P talking and I really don't care what anyone thinks about that.
 

pure_mercury

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Feb 28, 2008
Messages
6,946
MBTI Type
ESFJ
I'm reeeeealy cheap when it comes to my own needs, especially if I can do it myself. I also hate adding to the list of appointments I already have and yes that's my P talking and I really don't care what anyone thinks about that.

Fair enough. Maybe you should just go out to a bar and pick a fight randomly. That might do the trick. :D
 

runvardh

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Jun 23, 2007
Messages
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Fair enough. Maybe you should just go out to a bar and pick a fight randomly. That might do the trick. :D

Hahahahaha, I don't want to be sending someone to the hospital; can't fight jock style, too easy to break. :blush:
 

pure_mercury

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Hahahahaha, I don't want to be sending someone to the hospital; can't fight jock style, too easy to break. :blush:

Hockey style. Pull his shirt over his head, and wail on him until someone breaks it up. Then taunt him and his buddies on the way to the car/police cruiser away.
 

runvardh

にゃん
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Jun 23, 2007
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8,541
MBTI Type
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sx/so
Hockey style. Pull his shirt over his head, and wail on him until someone breaks it up. Then taunt him and his buddies on the way to the car/police cruiser away.

Fights are life or death for me, I don't enjoy them, I like them to be over quickly and done with. Severely crippling or killing a person is the only end I know to a fight. 25 years in jail isn't going to get me the kind of girl I want.
 

GZA

Resident Snot-Nose
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
1,771
MBTI Type
infp
Someone a while back mentioned that ESFJ men may behave like traditional male gender roles, acting like an ESTP, but are actually very emotional. I think that my history teacher is likely an ESFJ (the other possibility is ESTP) because he has all the classic ESTP behaviour in many ways but is ultimately known to be fairly emotional. He acts like an ESTP, even coaching the sports teams, but he has a reputation of getting very emotional when the right circumstances occur (such as graduations).

This is very interesting- that one type may feel the need to act like another because of societal roles. Are there any other types prone to do this?
 

pure_mercury

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Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
6,946
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ESFJ
Someone a while back mentioned that ESFJ men may behave like traditional male gender roles, acting like an ESTP, but are actually very emotional. I think that my history teacher is likely an ESFJ (the other possibility is ESTP) because he has all the classic ESTP behaviour in many ways but is ultimately known to be fairly emotional. He acts like an ESTP, even coaching the sports teams, but he has a reputation of getting very emotional when the right circumstances occur (such as graduations).

This is very interesting- that one type may feel the need to act like another because of societal roles. Are there any other types prone to do this?

Is this acting like another type, or is this just the way one type functions under different circumstances? I don't feel as if I act like another type at all (ESFJ fit me to a T as soon as I read the description), but I also have a very strong-willed personality. I may be conventional in my gender role, but, classically, men were very emotional, as well. They wrote the odes and the requiems. The strong, silent, taciturn male type really only dates back to the Victorian Era.
 

boombanca

New member
Joined
Apr 30, 2009
Messages
10
MBTI Type
ESFP
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and have spent every day with him since. when i first met him, he came across as very masculine and boyish in every way. he was a true gentlemen and flattered me, took me out and was generally very generous in many areas.
now that i know him deeply, and think i have a pretty good understanding of him, he is through and through a very caring person, he has always taken such good care of me and been the most comforting, mother-like almost at times with his warmth and care/concern for me and others. he has three neices and absolutely adores them, he is wonderful with children and they love him because he's like a big kid and understands children well. he can also be very egotistical in parties or get togethers, and try to show off in a very obvious way. he is womanly in the way that he is the one always getting overwhelmed with emotions, and if he thinks we are in trouble, or if he upsets me or is upset himself, he will cry. he is emotional, good hearted person overall. and he is very sweet and is the type to want to get married and have kids...which i am not so sure i want YET. but shh.. ;) hahah:wubbie:
 

swordpath

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Oct 24, 2007
Messages
10,547
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ISTx
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5w6
I work with a male ESFJ and I must say he's really cool, high-spirited and easy to get along with. He laughs a lot, finds the good in people and brings it out. I've noticed this as a trend with the ESFJs (both male and female) I've come across. He's not feminine. He's married, loves women and is a body builder. He's also a little artsy too.
 

Cimarron

IRL is not real
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
Messages
3,417
MBTI Type
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Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I think one of my best friends is an ESFJ. Most of what people have said seems to cover it already.

He does like to act the "tough guy," especially around the ladies. He has a lot of what most people would call "typical guy-interests" : cars, tools, beer, women, guitar, loud music, going to bars, etc.

But he has a strong sentimental side, too, and it's hard to miss once you know him. His memories of friends and family mean the world to him, and he loves to talk about them. He feels very strong loyalty to his friends.

Even though he tries to play it cool, he cares deeply. He expects people to care about their projects/tasks/relationships/anything, and it makes no sense to him why people would do something and not put effort and emotion into it.

In a subtle way, he's always looking around a room, seeing how each person is being treated. He's aware of how everyone is treating everyone else...except when he gets caught up in an engaging topic, then he's just focusing on that and can lose track of things, a little bit.

Oh, and I think there are two other ESFJ guys I know (one's a friend and one's a teacher). They are both gentle, soft-spoken people, and seem to be in a calm but friendly mood almost all the time. One of them worries about other people a lot, going out of his way to make sure they're okay. He likes to talk to anyone and everyone.
 
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INTPatricia

New member
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Messages
65
MBTI Type
intj
I know a masculine male ESFJ. He is European, he lives in California and is a money manager with an advanced degree. He is great with people, cultured, a great host, thinks nothing of having international guests stay with him for weeks on end (really wealthy ones), travels for months on end when the timing is right and the market is down...very capable, very sexy. He is athletic, captain of a soccer team. Gets my humor. In shape. Handsome. No drugs, no alcohol, no smoking, vegetarian, organized, neat...lol...all of this doesn't describe an intp.
 

southern_lawyer

New member
Joined
Nov 24, 2009
Messages
44
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Sorry to bring up an old thread, but I am new and am a male ESFJ. 25 years old as well pure_mercury. I just recently read somewhere that we're just around 1-2ish% of males? Reading the previous posts I see a lot of myself in the descriptions of y'alls friends and the couple of y'all that are male ESFJs as well. It's interesting reading about y'alls relationships. My last relationship was 11 months with her ending it. I don't really speak to her anymore, but I feel it is merited! I suppose that fits with my personality...ha. I have to confess too that as a teenager I took very seriously fitting the stereotypical "guy" mold, as my friends were your typical competitive, aggressive teenage boys so I had to fit in, but as I have gotten older I have gotten more comfortable with myself and confident so I am just more myself nowadays. It's not that I'm feminine or don't have a lot of the stereotypical "guy" traits (love college football, hunting and fishing, etc.), but I don't suppress my feelings, sentimentality, and emotions near as much as I used to.

I'm not sure if this is the appropriate thread to ask, but are we compatible with a female ENTJ? I hear those are rare too. I realize that is broad, but I'm always looking for advice. This stuff is really new to me, but as I have begun learning about it, it explains so much!

Best.
 

Ulaes

loopy
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
850
MBTI Type
crak
Enneagram
sax
I'm not sure if this is the appropriate thread to ask, but are we compatible with a female ENTJ? I hear those are rare too. I realize that is broad, but I'm always looking for advice. This stuff is really new to me, but as I have begun learning about it, it explains so much!

Best.

there should be a decent attraction but the compatibility and understanding isn't high. you can do better. try an STP or ISFJ, maybe.
 
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