[ESFJ] Male ESFJs...

[The Ü™]

Okay, now I must propose a question. After all this talk about female ISTPs, who apparently behave like tomboys, does anyone know of any male ESFJs? If so, how do they behave?

(And I mean male ESFJs who are really ESFJs, not Nocturne. )

EDIT: This isn't a joke topic. I'm really interested in some perspective.

 

[nottaprettygal]

Okay, now I must propose a question. After all this talk about female ISTPs, who apparently behave like tomboys, does anyone know of any male ESFJs? If so, how do they behave?

One of my dad's friends is an ESFJ (he took the test for work). He didn't seem particularly feminine at all, if that's what you're implying with the female ISTP reference. He just seemed really interested in talking and asked questions like, "Do you like music?" (I mean, who doesn't like music?)

To sum him up:

 

[The Ü™]

Yeah, I wasn't necessarily thinking of an effeminate demeanor, although it did cross my head. I could assume that a male ESFJ also relates well to the car salesman stereotype.

 

[Randomnity]

I live with a male ESFJ (my guess only). He's gay though which I guess could have an impact on the "masculine" thing....though he is definitely pretty masculine in some ways. What would you like to know?

 

[Totenkindly]

Geesh, I had enough trouble finding two or three male ISFJs.

*racks brain*

Nope, sorry.

 

[The Ü™]

I live with a male ESFJ (my guess only). He's gay though which I guess could have an impact on the "masculine" thing....though he is definitely pretty masculine in some ways. What would you like to know?

Well, I figured as SJs (probably Js, in general), they would probably put on a face that behaves accordingly to their ascribed gender in relation to socially accepted gender roles.

I would assume they are gregarious and friendly due to their Fe dominance, but would have a more masculine friendliness, hence I can also imagine a male ESFJ stereotype as a smooth-talking salesman type.

Fe dominance, of course, is not just behavior, but also the psychological desire to fit in with a social group. So I could also easily imagine a male ESFJ fitting in with the jocks in school and seeming like a stereotyped ESTP (and possibly even typing as an ESTP) out of social responsibility.

 

[Griffi97]

Well, I figured as SJs (probably Js, in general), they would probably put on a face that behaves accordingly to their ascribed gender in relation to socially accepted gender roles.

I have never met a male ESFJ as far as I know. One ISFJ, but no ESFJ's.

Not to change the subject, but in my case, my J preference does not make me more inclined to behave according to socially accepted gender roles. For example, I almost never do my husband's laundry. Also, he cooks most of the time and does the grocery shopping as well.

 

[faith]

My last boss was an ESFJ. He wasn't the least bit feminine. He's a big guy with a pilot's license: used to drill wells, likes parties, and is happiest when everyone is laughing. He's really good at small talk and making people feel good--generally being the congenial host. My idea of the typical frat-boy type.

 

[The Ü™]

Maybe another non-feminine stereotype for a male ESFJ is the one who offers to buy the beer for all his friends...

I really should have called the thread "Male ExFJs," since they probably behave in a similar way.

Likewise, I think the reason female ISTPs get the tomboy stereotype more often is because of how their Se behavior (which is shown to the world) is reflected through their internal Ti detachment, which comes first and is generally associated with males. In addition, the deviance sometimes seen in ISTPs could be due to tertiary Ni that causes a more independent streak. So they see the world just like the INTP, but they behave differently.

With the ISTP, the Se aids an introverted function that sees things coldly and rationally. But with the ExFJ, an introverted function aids the dominant Fe, which could, on a superficial level, behave exactly the same regardless of Ni or Si preference, because an extroverted dominant function is the most natural to them and an introverted auxiliary becomes less visible.

Of course, I am generalizing.

 

[proteanmix]

I have two male colleagues one is a ISFJ and the other is ESFJ. ISFJ is quiet, thorough, a little guarded but is friendly and open if you approach him. The ESFJ makes his rounds every morning to everyone and is often chatting (esp. about his kids) and laughing. Very easy to talk to. There's nothing about him that's feminine, he seems comfortable around both sexes, but I only have superficial knowledge about him.

I work with several ESFJs. Most of them are quite a pleasure to be around, but a few of them are unholy terrors.

 

[miss fortune]

I knew an ESFJ male who was decidedly NOT ladylike! He was an Army Ranger, who could outdrink anyone I'd ever met and was definitly a guys guy

Of course he once told me that I should cry sometimes because it's such a good release

He was always very generous with buying rounds of drinks for people (we'd get in contests over that! ) and was a really good host- you'd KNOW that he was happy to see you and he made you feel it!

Definitly one of my favorite people ever!

 

[sassafrassquatch]

I thought INFPs were the girly men?

 

[Gish]

You wanna say that to my face?!

 

[sassafrassquatch]

You wanna say that to my face?!

 

[hotmale]

Male ESFJs always seem to play up the male stereotype to extreme degrees- the flittering philanderer- the sexual machismo etc. They have a good sense of humor and have a sensitive side they only display towards women, but around men, they're pretty competitive.

I would say that the most "feminine" men, and men who always complain that people think they are gay are ENFP males.

 

[The Ü™]

I thought INFPs were the girly men?

No, ISFPs! They're the ones who dress in the girly clothes and wear the girly anime hair!

The INFPs and INFJs males are simply just the shy little kids with their heads in the clouds, who may or may not be girly!

Also, TypeLogic lists Terry Bradshaw as an ESFJ. (C-3PO is also an ESFJ! )

 

[sassafrassquatch]

No, ISFPs! They're the ones who dress in the girly clothes and wear the girly anime hair!

The INFPs and INFJs males are simply just the shy little kids with their heads in the clouds, who may or may not be girly!

Also, TypeLogic lists Terry Bradshaw as an ESFJ. (C-3PO is also an ESFJ! )

Ahh, that explains MegaTokyo. Piro must be an ISFP. Artsy, anime hair, androgynous.

 

[The Ü™]

Ahh, that explains MegaTokyo. Piro must be an ISFP. Artsy, anime hair, androgynous.

And they are lovely to look at!

It's just sometimes you can't tell if they're boys or girls.

 

[cdal233]

My experience with male xSFJ's is that they are heavily influenced by the stereotypes of how a male should act, which contradicts their natural behavior This seems to make them put up a heavy front of masculinity... which tends to fade once they let you into their world.

But, if you are hanging out with anyone new, or in a situation they don't feel particularly comfortable with, you see this over-masculine front come back. This could be just the selective sample of young male xSFJ's in my life, but I have have definitely noticed this trend to exist.

 

[Randomnity]

My experience with male xSFJ's is that they are heavily influenced by the stereotypes of how a male should act, which contradicts their natural behavior This seems to make them put up a heavy front of masculinity... which tends to fade once they let you into their world.

But, if you are hanging out with anyone new, or in a situation they don't feel particularly comfortable with, you see this over-masculine front come back. This could be just the selective sample of young male xSFJ's in my life, but I have have definitely noticed this trend to exist.

I've noticed that, actually...aggression and confidence/hostility/bravado, but to the people they care about they're all cuddly and sickeningly clingy.

Actually now that I think of it, the female ESFJ I know has the cuddly part but not the aggressive part...so maybe stereotypes can be a factor.