I'm gonna try and get to the point...
My boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage for a while now, we've been dating for several years. It seems as though we are at a point in our life where we will get engaged in the next year or so. One (!) of the things holding us back is not having a steady 'real' job. We figured once one of us lands a well paying job, then we'll get engaged.
Again, there's some things holding us back from getting engaged, basically the same ol' ENFP-ISTJ problems that this forum is flooded with. We are SO different, and we love each other SO MUCH, but should love be this difficult to keep a relationship together? Would it be easier if we dating other people... blah blah blah.
Anyways, He is a homebody, a ma-ma's boy, and a super sheltered guy. I'm close with my family, but I feel like I am not nearly (!!) as attached as he is.
We both lived in the same town for most of us relationship (I recently moved an hour and a half away, but still see him a couple times a week). Our hometown is DEAD. It's a dying city. Poor economy, poor outlook, horrible crime, it really dampens me as an NF. It gets me down. Plus, the weather there really bums me out too.
Ahh, anyways, I've voiced to him over the years that I do not want to live in our home town forever. And that it's a city that no one can escape. It's full of failure. and I am bigger than that. I want to be happy, and I do not want to be another person who feels like they cannot leave that city. (Thankfully, I got to move out). He, on the otherhand, does not agree. He says, friends and family are in our hometown so it's not that bad.
That's his only argument for not wanting to move once we get married. I am trying to explain to him that I will be UNHAPPY if I am forced to buckle down in a town like that. I want something bigger and brighter and more hopeful. I want change. I want to explore the other side. I'm not saying move away to a whole other country. But why not another state? A city miles away? What is the big deal? So what if it is away from our friends and family. Our family (ugh, hate to say it) won't be around forever. and our friends one-by-one are moving away as well. We can make new friends.
He told me today that in the new few days he wants to discuss this idea of me being so set on moving away...
How can I explain to him in perhaps Si-Te terms about it being OK to move away from home? I feel like when I am talking to him about this i am SO passionate that I am just spewing NF at him and he doesn't get it.
....is this conversation worth breaking us up?
I mean, if we move, He'll be unhappy. If we stay, i'll be unhappy....
how do couples make decisions like this?