User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 45

  1. #11
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    4,209

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Wellll someone doesn't like ISTJ-ENFP relationships
    I don't have a dog in this fight, I'm just making observations. And from what I observed, ENFP women seem to be drawn to ISTJ men (and vice versa) for whatever reason, yet more often than not, it ends in major disappointment to both parties.


    Anyways, just because you are different from someone doesn't mean you can't love them.

    we are very different, but for the most part, we really complete each other. I loosen him up, he keeps me responsible. I need him, and I believe he needs me. We both have similar lifestyle values in place such as faith, which is very important to me.
    Practicing the same religion doesn't not mean you two have compatible personalities. You just happen to worship the same deity.

    There are many things about him that I have never met in another man, and don't think I ever will.

    we've been together for over 6 years. He is not something I find easy to throw away. I just want to find the best way to make each of us happy in the ways that we differ.
    You should read up on the concept of "sunk costs"
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  2. #12
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    446

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Practicing the same religion doesn't not mean you two have compatible personalities. You just happen to worship the same deity.
    Well, depends on how you look at it. Him and I do not look at it like how you've described, which simply proves my point that we find it important to have a similar faith lifestyle. We may worship the same God, but we share in the values and life choices that come along with our dedication to God. The things we take serious in life, not many people do.



    You should read up on the concept of "sunk costs"
    I'll peep this later.

  3. #13
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    4,209

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Well, depends on how you look at it. Him and I do not look at it like how you've described, which simply proves my point that we find it important to have a similar faith lifestyle. We may worship the same God, but we share in the values and life choices that come along with our dedication to God. The things we take serious in life, not many people do.
    I see what you mean. That might be a requirement for a working relationship for you, however, it is not sufficient in and of itself.

    I'll peep this later.
    Being an ENFP, you probably won't.... so I'll just sum it up for you - it basically means don't throw good money after bad. Or alternatively, the already wasted time is no reason to waste more time.


    Anyway, like I said, I'm not here to sell anything. Just sharing opinions.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  4. #14
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    446

    Default

    i am not saying that I feel like we've wasted time, or that I am simply with him because we've been together for so long. We've had our tough times, and we've pushed through because of our love and desire to make the relationship work. I don't do things just to do it. My heart needs to be in it, and it is.

    But I understand where you are coming from, and appreciate your insight.

    and you're right, it may have taken a day or two for me to read into sunk costs, lol, I'm so N driven right now that I know i wouldn't buckle down and read it right away

  5. #15
    Member Serenes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    75

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Love your #2 suggestion!! And as for #1, I've discussed being willing to move within a close radius of home--though, I really want warm weather eventually. Winter brings me down. He doesn't understand how the weather affects my mood...is this just an NF thing? t
    I liked skylight's idea.. a compromise would be good if you can figure out some way. You both seem to feel Very strongly about why one wants to leave and other wants to stay... So if You can't even compromise on some things like the weather, imagine how he would feel if he had to totally move away with you and leave behind everything he cares about & feels comfortable with?

    You're trying your hardest to convince him to move with you.. but remember, he's probably also thinking about trying to convince you to stay with him! Even though you both dearly love each other, it seems re-locating is a huge sacrifice for both sides. Sooo, even if one were to finally give into the other (not out of pure willingness).. one may be happy, and the other (if not happy) may breed resentment.. which can hurt the relationship later on in the future... or yeah cause this 'big talk' about relocating again.

    I do think these re-locating kind of conversations are huge and reasonable enough to cause break-ups. Even though you love him a lot, do you think it's worth it to stay with him if he absolutely refuses to go with you? Are you willing to put your ideal views aside and just settle with him? If you think, re-locating will make you a much happier person despite possibly losing him... then yes I think it's worth the break up, because you might feel chained down and unhappy if you continue to stay somewhere that just doesn't fit you. But remember, you will always have yourself in the end no matter where you go or what you're doing.... whereas, he might not be in your life forever. It's really up to you, which is more important in the present/long run though.... the relationship(for him), or doing something that makes you happier(for yourself). Or you can do a compromise that gives in a little for him, but also get a little of what you want so it's more fair for both and you don't entirely lose either.

    Random -> :P regarding the weather... yes, I don't like winter either! It is a bit depressing and so cold (makes me not want to do anything, and when it gets really bad you get stuck in the house! .. and have to worry about danger on the road etc.).. I rather have warm weather all the time, so much more simple and nice ^^. Even though I don't have any real plans yet, the thought is in my mind to someday move somewhere else warmer without such an erratic change of weather all the time... it really affects my mood too! (and yes, I think I'm okay with leaving all my family and friends behind if I do decide seriously one day to live somewhere else).
    "You may be one person to the world, but to one person you may be the world."

  6. #16
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    468 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    4,383

    Default

    What Marm and Edgar said.

  7. #17
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    13,877

    Default

    I think you should focus on the job thing. If you haven't been able to find jobs in the area you're currently at, that may be an indicator that its time to move to a place you can find a job at. I wouldn't move until I landed a job somewhere else though. Getting a nice job that'd allow you two to get married may sweeten the idea of moving for him.. Then creating some firm plans in place for family get togethers could further lure him in. Or, you could find great jobs where ya'll are, and you have no reason to complain about moving. If you do stay, I'd suggest making time to travel to keep you feeling not-caged in. Traveling helps me a lot with that.

    What worries me is the thought you mentioned about dating others. That was pretty WTF to me. Whenever I think things like that, the relationship is already dead. Not even dying.. dead. So..
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  8. #18
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    2,591

    Default

    If you have the $$ maybe spend a few days away at the new city/town that you have your eyes set on. Let him see how it is to live there; maybe he won't see it as such a bad decision.
    What about the job outlook in the other cities? Can you show him the help wanted section of that area- maybe there's some work there that he really loves that he can't find in your hometown. Then he can get the $$$ he needs to wife you!

    This is difficult. It sounds like he hasn't seen or done much outside of his immediate surroundings. I tell you, that's the achilles heel for an ISTJ.

  9. #19
    Probably Most Brilliant Craft's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    N/A
    Posts
    1,200

    Default

    Never supported opposites in general. If ever it doesn't work out, I hope you look at people who are more similar to you.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9
    Posts
    998

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    We both lived in the same town for most of us relationship (I recently moved an hour and a half away, but still see him a couple times a week). Our hometown is DEAD. It's a dying city. Poor economy, poor outlook, horrible crime, it really dampens me as an NF. It gets me down. Plus, the weather there really bums me out too.
    It's weird that an ISTJ would like to live in a place like that, huh? Doesn't sound like a place where you'd like to have your family at.
    Then again, ISTJs are probably the last ones to leave a sunken ship (not sinking, a sunken one. ).

    I (would like to) feel that ENFP-ISTJ relationships can teach you a lot of about yourself. In a relationship like that you'll have to overcome your own weaknesses and learn to notice your good sides too. Since your mutual comfort zones are not quite so overlapping, one of you tends to be out of his/her comfort zone more often than not. Just the right amount of that, and you'll grow like a tree-that-grows-up-very-fast-and-becomes-very-strong. With "mirror-matching", your comfort zones might even completely overlap, and that easily leaves you into your own little comfort zones. It will be easier to begin with, but then again... you'll never grow up that strong.

    Can't really help you out here much, since I don't know the details (such an ISTJ I am. )... just don't try to make it a decision between you and his family, that would surely tear him up.

    I have a brother who moved rather far away and getting to where he lives is very troublesome, so I don't see him so often. I think I resent him moving away that far, so far away from everyone he knows... but he says he likes it there. I have been living all my life within on city area, so I kinda can feel for the ISTJ. I couldn't imagine myself moving away from "home" to completely new area where I would know no one or anything. We have such a huge storage of information about our surroundings that forcing us to move away from our location would render all that information useless and leave us "empty pocketed".

    But I think it's a fear of the unknown that realy keeps me here, not the love of familiarity. So I'd advice your ISTJ to move with you some place else. You can always come back if it's horrible?

    And you should also consider if he's correct about you seeing the grass greener elsewhere. It's one thing to hate your current city, than it's to hate the lack of change. Maybe you just need to list down logical reasons what makes you unhappy in your current city, and have some sort of proof that things would be different elsewhere. You know, ISTJs are such a fighters that they'd rather make poor things work than replace them with something better...
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

Similar Threads

  1. [ISTJ] being happy with an istj
    By bradly22 in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 09-08-2017, 05:45 PM
  2. [MBTItm] ENFP's experience with an ENTJ boyfriend.
    By HotpinkHeatwave in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 08-04-2012, 06:39 PM
  3. [ISTJ] Need help with an ISTJ Male
    By JoyOfTraveling in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-17-2010, 08:08 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO