Copied from my blog entry. I think I should ask help for this thing.
Update: edited for general audience.
Eh, some (male) neighbor is harassing and stalking my ISFJ female friend..
No, seriously, she got an annoying problem. The man follows her to her house, he forcibly entered one time, he distracts her life in several ways.. the man imagines they are having an affair, and accuses her of infidelity. He follows and keeps track on her life patterns, visitors and relationships. He's threatened to make her male guests leave, so that he could have her for himself. Clearly a completely sick mind.
She's a nice person, having hard time to exert enough rudeness to drive him away. I had some friends invited to a dinner at my place, her included, and I listened to her complaints about his behavior. The man insists they are having an affair (a secret one, he says!), although she just actively avoids the man.
I was surprised when she brought this up on a dinner with two friends of mine. So I just gave a short speech along the lines of "straighten up woman, have some self respect and stop that stalker right now!" Ok, she told what she's been trying to do.. and she was left to wonder why such things often happen to her. She's a loser magnet. She's incapable of communicating her disinterest in a strong enough manner. She tries.. she even uses direct and strong words, but she fails. Over and over again. With different losers, stalkers and other nutjobs. I'm just wondering how someone may feel so much empathy toward their antagonists that they don't dare to win them. Then again, her vivid explanations of the events make it seem like she's having a hard time with no reasons at all.
Of course, that's partly true. She doesn't deserve to be stalked.
Then again, people usually develop skills to handle all kinds of different problem behavior they don't deserve. For people usually, that's just a starting point. For her, it's the end. She's noticing someone to stalk her, and she expects the problem to go away when she acknowledges it.
I'm feeling empathy for her.. she's and old friend, a dear friend of mine.
When she had returned home after our visit, she told me to have cried when she got home. Well, ok.. I understand I was matter-of-fact, and I was offering advice. She needs the advice, too. She could spare to survive living in that neighborhood with less drama and invasion of privacy bordering on the illegal. But.. it was just too hard on her to realize her weakness and incapability on this issue. I should have realized.. I've also felt helpless on some serious issues some times.
It's just that.. I wouldn't have believed her to be helpless, see.. I was there to advice her! I thought that the stalker would be quickly gotten rid of with my helpful advice
Must be hard for her.
So, she's a very nice person, smiles a lot, she's sweet.. I've got the idea that people often mistake her for being interested of them, when she's just being herself.
I wouldn't stop being nice just to drive unwanted people away. But.. this kind of thing continues for her over and over again. This was the thing with her last boyfriend.
Hm, I have one answer. She hasn't learned a proper idea of independence until recently. She's somewhat emotionally dependent on people she cares about. We're friends because I don't abuse that, instead I assure her that I care about her, and she should be more certain of herself, because she deserves it. She's said I've been the first decent man she's known in her life. I practically carried her on my shoulders emotionally when she had more difficult time. Now, I've taught her some independence, and she's liking it.. She's more emotionally secure now.
She has also taught me to accept and resolve my feelings after my major burnout and resulting depression, and I'm in enormous gratitude towards her for being with me in the difficult time.
I have an idea. What if she emotionally attaches to abusing people? This is what happened in her childhood home.