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  1. #1
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    Default ISFJs and dating

    Hi. I'm a newbie here, so I apologize if this has already been posted somewhere else.

    So I am starting to date again and I was wondering if any of my dating quirks were common to ISFJs.

    For example, I HATE it when a guy says he will call, but then he doesn't. To me it is worse than outright rejection, because at least you know he isn't interested. I guess its an uncertainty thing.

    Another example is getting crushes/liking a person really fast, but then when discovering that it won't work and that almost immediately quelches the crush.

    So I guess my question is what are the common issues ISFJs encounter when dating.

  2. #2
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Interesting.... The things you mentioned are familiar to me, and I'm an ISTJ maybe they are ISxJ things? Anyhow, I too am interested in learning about how ISFJ's go about dating- specifically the females. For example, do you ever get excited? Are you easy to please? Things like that...
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    Quote Originally Posted by bellaangel924 View Post
    For example, I HATE it when a guy says he will call, but then he doesn't. To me it is worse than outright rejection, because at least you know he isn't interested. I guess its an uncertainty thing.
    Heh. This isn't restricted to ISFJ's alone. I also hate it when someone says they'll call and they don't, i'd rather you just not take my number in the first place. I have no issue with that.

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    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    ISFJ guy here, had some thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by bellaangel924 View Post
    For example, I HATE it when a guy says he will call, but then he doesn't. To me it is worse than outright rejection, because at least you know he isn't interested. I guess its an uncertainty thing.
    I haven't really dated much but when I do I usually call the very next day as my understanding is that's the appropriate time to call. If it were up to me I'd call her that evening just because I'd want to talk to her again but many women I've heard consider this smothering so I don't do that.

    Quote Originally Posted by bellaangel924 View Post
    Another example is getting crushes/liking a person really fast, but then when discovering that it won't work and that almost immediately quelches the crush.
    I do this sometimes. Sometimes I can let go of a person or a situation very very quickly. Other times, feelings of admiration and/or respect will linger for...well, almost ever. I still know women from elementary school that I've run into in my adult life and I still feel that twing of infatuation when I still see them and/or talk to them.

    I've always thought that if it were up to me, I would have married my 5th grade crush as she's a doctor now (Incidentally she's married to a guy I used to work with. Really good guy, I'm sincerely happy for the both of them.)

    Quote Originally Posted by bellaangel924 View Post
    So I guess my question is what are the common issues ISFJs encounter when dating.
    Some issues I run into while dating

    1) When it's appropriate to make the attempt for the first kiss
    2) What places to take her too when she's been very mum about her interests and/or favorite foods
    3) At what point on which date that I'm allowed to start to be physically affectionate (holding hands, holding her, etc..)
    4) If I try to set a day and time for out next date and she keeps changing it/and or canceling it. I start to worry that I'm getting blown off very quickly, even though this isn't always the case


    I'm sure there are more but that's all I've got thus far. I've found that being around aggressive, extrovert women tends to resolve most of the above issues which is why I like them so much
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  5. #5
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bellaangel924 View Post
    Hi. I'm a newbie here, so I apologize if this has already been posted somewhere else.
    So I am starting to date again and I was wondering if any of my dating quirks were common to ISFJs.

    For example, I HATE it when a guy says he will call, but then he doesn't. To me it is worse than outright rejection, because at least you know he isn't interested. I guess its an uncertainty thing.

    Another example is getting crushes/liking a person really fast, but then when discovering that it won't work and that almost immediately quelches the crush.
    With my experience with ISFJs, the things you describe seem pretty par for the course.

    ISFJs seem pretty practical (so once you realize things are unrealistic, you'll dump them even if you are disappointed).

    And with the "not calling" thing -- it's probably the seeming rejection + the lack of following protocol thing. Protocol exists so you can avoid the ambiguity; as you say, it would be less crushing if he was just to the point and direct, because at least you'd know, and you could close off that chapter and then move on. Now you have no idea whether he's ended thing, or whether he's just insensitive/lazy in getting back to you, or whether he's just stringing you along and might pop in later; and meanwhile it's hard to turn off the emotions if something is still potentially ongoing, it's like an open wound.


    So I guess my question is what are the common issues ISFJs encounter when dating.
    I would think the ambiguity thing is a big part, most likely. Ne is your least developed function (in typical MBTI thinking), so ISFJs typically want to have things scheduled out and set and planned. Coupled with Fe protocol, doing things at the last minute (while maybe endearing at first) can not only be unsettling but seem a bit rude/insensitive. The relationship usually needs to be defined in some way as well.
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    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bellaangel924 View Post
    For example, I HATE it when a guy says he will call, but then he doesn't. To me it is worse than outright rejection, because at least you know he isn't interested. I guess its an uncertainty thing.
    So then the PUA would call but not right away to keep you off balance then.

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    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I don't like uncertainty either. I can hold a crush for quite a while though, even though I know it's not right. My heart usually always wins over my head but I want to learn to balance that.

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    Senior Member Warm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    ISFJ guy here, had some thoughts



    I haven't really dated much but when I do I usually call the very next day as my understanding is that's the appropriate time to call. If it were up to me I'd call her that evening just because I'd want to talk to her again but many women I've heard consider this smothering so I don't do that.
    I just had to jump in on this one. Why can't people just call when they want? What is this "appropriate time to call" thing? I love to have a phonecall the evening of instead of the next day because it tells me that the guy is interested. Of course, if I DON'T like the guy, it could be annoying. Why can't people just communicate their feelings? If one feels smothered by what someone else has done, he/she should tell that person in hopes that it will not happen again. Okay, okay, I'll confess. This struck a chord with me because someone told me he felt smothered. Well, I took it in stride and backed off but I wished that I had been told earlier because the situation wasn't what he thought. Ugh!
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    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    ^Seconded.

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    Hooray, Giggly!!!!!!!
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