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  1. #11
    Senior Member Warm's Avatar
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    Oh, yeah, the guy I mentioned is an INFJ.
    "Your voice is like chocolate...dreamy."
    --WildHorses

  2. #12
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I think we ISFJs are the smothering type.

    We have to work on that.

  3. #13
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I like smothering.


    Except when my girlfriend tells me I can't do mountain climbing because I will get killed.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  4. #14
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Warm View Post
    I just had to jump in on this one. Why can't people just call when they want? What is this "appropriate time to call" thing?
    WARMY-CHAN!!! So good to see you again

    To answer your question: After talking with a lot of different women, listening and watching couples, and reading about common dating practices I've come to the conclusion that people have different boundaries and comfort levels for expressing and receiving affection.

    As such, I've found that it's best to err on the side of caution. I've known far too many women who have told me that for a guy to call them shortly later that night after the date is "clingy" or "creepy" or "smothering" or "coming on too strong".

    So I don't, unless she asks me too.


    Quote Originally Posted by Warm View Post
    I love to have a phonecall the evening of instead of the next day because it tells me that the guy is interested. Of course, if I DON'T like the guy, it could be annoying. Why can't people just communicate their feelings? If one feels smothered by what someone else has done, he/she should tell that person in hopes that it will not happen again.
    If you would have told a guy like me that, then we would have definitely called. I'd imagine the rest of your applies to my desire not to unnecessarily ruffle feathers, at least not this early in the relationship. Once I learn your comfort levels and where the boundaries are, THEN I'll take more action but in the meantime I want to take it slow

    Quote Originally Posted by Warm View Post
    Okay, okay, I'll confess. This struck a chord with me because someone told me he felt smothered. Well, I took it in stride and backed off but I wished that I had been told earlier because the situation wasn't what he thought. Ugh!
    I know how you feel, which exactly why I tread carefully early on in the relationship. I want her to feel like I'm glad to be around her, but I don't want her to feel overwhelmed by me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly
    I think we ISFJs are the smothering type.
    We have to work on that.
    Yes we are

    I don't how it is for you ladies, but for me it's because my personal relationships are extremely important to me and the one with my spouse/S.O/girlfriend is at the top of that list (on equal footing with my parents actually) so I tend to invest a LOT of energy into the relationship.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  5. #15
    Senior Member Warm's Avatar
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    The guy who felt smothered felt like I was treating him like a boyfriend simply because I wanted his undivided attention while chatting. I explained to him that that is what I'm used to with ANYONE I chat with online. Usually, if someone doesn't have time to chat, that person will tell me and we will just talk later or something. Instead, he would just not say anything, leaving me to think that he was ignoring me. COMMUNICATION!!! All he had to do was man up and tell me he had things to do and didn't have time to chat. What the hell?
    "Your voice is like chocolate...dreamy."
    --WildHorses

  6. #16
    Senior Member Warm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    WARMY-CHAN!!! So good to see you again .
    *hugs*


    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    I don't how it is for you ladies, but for me it's because my personal relationships are extremely important to me and the one with my spouse/S.O/girlfriend is at the top of that list (on equal footing with my parents actually) so I tend to invest a LOT of energy into the relationship.
    I was the total opposite in my marriage. My husband WANTED something a bit closer to feeling smothered. *shrugs*
    "Your voice is like chocolate...dreamy."
    --WildHorses

  7. #17
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    Yes we are

    I don't how it is for you ladies, but for me it's because my personal relationships are extremely important to me and the one with my spouse/S.O/girlfriend is at the top of that list (on equal footing with my parents actually) so I tend to invest a LOT of energy into the relationship.
    Yes, of course, but that sort of intensity makes some people feel too much pressure.

    Quote Originally Posted by Warm View Post
    I was the total opposite in my marriage. My husband WANTED something a bit closer to feeling smothered. *shrugs*
    I'd like a husband who wants the smothering. It feels good to give someone what they really want, especially when it's what you really want too. lol
    Likes Unionruler liked this post

  8. #18
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Yes, of course, but that sort of intensity makes some people feel too much pressure.
    Indeedy, which is why I try to be very formal and reserved about it. I don't want to scare her away

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I'd like a husband who wants the smothering. It feels good to give someone what they really want, especially when it's what you really want too. lol
    I'd like a wife who wants a same thing. One of the things I loved very much about my ENFJ is that she not only didn't mind the intensity, she seemed to match it herself sometimes. I think it's that aspect that draws me to NFs
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  9. #19
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    Indeedy, which is why I try to be very formal and reserved about it. I don't want to scare her away
    I dunno, I don't know how to turn it on and off yet. It's a skill I'd like to learn though. Right now I'm sort of "all or nothing".


    I'd like a wife who wants a same thing. One of the things I loved very much about my ENFJ is that she not only didn't mind the intensity, she seemed to match it herself sometimes.
    Sometimes or all the time?

  10. #20
    Senior Member Warm's Avatar
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    I asked my ex if I smothered him and he said that I did. Wow. Apparently, we had different definitions of smothering, for my wanting him around seemed like smothering to him; however, I was under the impression that he actually wanted more from me since he said that I didn't give him enough affection. Go figure.
    "Your voice is like chocolate...dreamy."
    --WildHorses

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