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  1. #1
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    Default Question for ISFJs

    What is it like to live in an inner world?

    I noticed that when I am in love I express it through lots of physical affection, gushing compliments and verbal expressions of love. I realize that maybe all very outward of me. This is how I imagine it is best to express love for someone. But I also notice that my ISFJ boyfriend might express it in a different way. He is a lot quieter than me. I think he might express love by doing things for me like making sure I have enough oil in my car (I don't know a thing about cars and he's an aficionado) but then for special occasions, he writes me the most intensely romantic and thoughtful notes and I think, "this is what has been hiding behind his eyes?!" I LOVE IT!

    Please help me to understand this ISFJ mysteriousness. What is it like to be in love when you are an ISFJ? What is it like to live in an inner world, period? Or at least, how does it compare to being so outward and external like me?
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  2. #2
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post
    What is it like to live in an inner world?

    I noticed that when I am in love I express it through lots of physical affection, gushing compliments and verbal expressions of love. I realize that maybe all very outward of me. This is how I imagine it is best to express love for someone. But I also notice that my ISFJ boyfriend might express it in a different way. He is a lot quieter than me. I think he might express love by doing things for me like making sure I have enough oil in my car (I don't know a thing about cars and he's an aficionado) but then for special occasions, he writes me the most intensely romantic and thoughtful notes and I think, "this is what has been hiding behind his eyes?!" I LOVE IT!

    Please help me to understand this ISFJ mysteriousness. What is it like to be in love when you are an ISFJ? What is it like to live in an inner world, period? Or at least, how does it compare to being so outward and external like me?
    Hmm...I'm not really sure how to answer this question. I've never lived in an "external world" so without having any prior experience, I don't really know what to tell you (If that isn't an Si-dom thing to say, I dunno what is )

    As for being in love....that I have a lot to say on, but I'll have to do it later as I have to be getting to work soon. Be back late this evening to elaborate on this
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  3. #3
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    As for being in love....that I have a lot to say on, but I'll have to do it later as I have to be getting to work soon. Be

    back late this evening to elaborate on this
    I AM SO BAD!

    I meant to get to this like...a week ago or so but I've been busy with other things. I've really wanted to answer this question though.

    Being in love: I only have one experience with being in love (with my ENFJ-ex) so I'll try to write up a short story about what a typical day with her and I was like and maybe (hopefully?) that might give you insight as to why your boyfriend is
    the way he is.

    Ok: The day begins with of course me waking up next to her. I really really loved waking up next to her so what happened next depended on whether or not I had a class that morning or had to go to work. If I didn't have to do either of those things, then I'd spoon up next to her which would either lead to a) a quiet morning lying next to her until she woke up and/or b) a morning quickie (which was always nice )

    If I did have to do one of those things though, then I would VERY quietly get out of bed and VERY softly close the door behind while I went out and got ready. I'd have all of my cloths to change into already out so I wouldn't have to disturb
    her. I'd shower, have breakfast, all that good stuff but before I've leave I'd peek in the room to see if she was awake yet. If she wasn't, then usually I would just leave her alone and let her sleep but sometimes I'd creep up next to her and
    whisper "I love you" into her ear before I left (she told me once she heard me sometimes and thought it was really sweet that I did that.)

    If I'm working or at class: I'm usually focused on whatever it is I'm doing at the time but during the spaces in between moments she usually found her way into my thoughts. Sometimes I'd review things she said or things we did sometime shortly before, either to just relive them or remind myself of something. If for example she mentioned to me a craving for a specific food or wanted to go to a specific movie, I'd mentally note to arrange some time to go see said movie or pick up said food on my way home.

    I was working at at the grocery store at the time we were dating and they didn't allow for me to call her or anything like that while I was on the clock so sometimes she would stop in the store and pick up a few items, which would give me an excuse to slip around and spend a few minutes with her. I always wanted her to know how much I loved seeing her during the day so I never really knew how to say it without being awkward and goofy about it. She told me later that she knew, I always got this look in my eyes whenever she was around. My co-workers later told me that whenever she came in the store it was like I "lit up" and sometimes I was "glowing" when I was around her.

    I'm not entirely certain what any of that means. I suppose it just means I was really happy .

    If I didn't have to work or when I came home we would usually spend our time together then. I'm a very service-oriented person when it comes to expressing my affection so while I did say every so often "I love you" and things like that, I was
    far more likely to express how much I loved being around her through an action or service for her.

    When we watched movies together, I would rub her feet or scratch her back during the movie. If she complained about the temperature, I would quietly get up and adjust the thermostat. If I got up to get something to drink, I'd ask her if I
    could get her anything. If she told me she was having a stressful day, I'd offer to give her a shoulder massage (sometimes she'd ask me to give her a back massage which I always liked because it almost always led to sex )

    I was constantly in "react" mode, like a dutiful servant waiting for her orders.
    That's not to say we always spent our time at home together. Sometimes I'd get on the computer and get absorbed in a forum post for whatever message board I was at at the time or in an news article and she would just go about her business doing whatever it was she was doing at the time. There was this very quiet and very small nagging fear in the back of my head sometimes that I shouldn't ignore her for too long as that was rude of me and/or I might make her feel like I didn't want to spend time with her.

    Fortunately (and this is why I adore extroverts) she would let me know when I needed to come do something with her or pay attention to her and that made it easy for me.

    I loved being around her....just talking to her, hearing the sound of her voice, knowing that I'm nearby her. She would catch me just staring at her and she'd get this somewhat embarrassed look on her face and ask me, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

    It's the only time in my life when I felt that responding, "Just thinking about how much I love the fact that you're in my life" or something along those lines wasn't an extremely cheesy line out at a movie or something.

    Our days would end with us curled up on the couch together watching a movie which a lot a times we never finished as we'd end up having sex and then go to bed. It became something of a private joke between us that when we watched a movie and actually finished it we say to each other, "Wow. We actually finished that one. How did that happen?"

    I'll admit that I wasn't always as verbal with her as I wanted to be. Partially I was afraid of smothering her (ISFJs have very powerful emotions) and partially it was because I didn't want her to think of me as being somehow "unmanly" which I
    realize sounds kind of stupid but there it is, that's how I felt about it at the time.

    Which is why Christmas, Valentine's Day, and other events or holidays similar to it were so awesome for me because THOSE were then socially acceptable times that I could get as utterly mushy-gushy (her words, not mine) with her as I wanted to be and not feel like I was overdoing it or behaving inappropriately. I suspect your b/f is the same way in that respect.

    I hope this helped some. Let me know if you have any questions.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  4. #4
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I tend to express it with a lot of verbal affection, physical affection, and by doing things that I think will help them. a lot of people are uncomfortable with either verbal or physical affection though and may not express their love that way.

    Being an introvert just means that we hang out with other people and then need a little time alone to process everything. Some introverts take that time while they are in the presence of someone because they rarely get alone time. They will tend to be quiet or in their own head. And yes, a think some introverts have a rich inner world of love but don't show it so much to others. This is something a mature introvert should constantly work on showing if they have loved ones who are Feelers who need that.

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