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  1. #11
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    I say it all the time to my ENTP. There doesn't have to be a big reason for me to say it, so I say it often. I am also very affectionate. I am a woman though, I don't know if there is a difference between male ISTJs and female ISTJs in terms of showing affection. Most of the (few) ISTJs in this forum are men and I think this sometimes does not give the whole picture.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  2. #12
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Well, my hubs is ESTJ, so I'll share here fwiw:

    He says "I love you" to me everyday. He always kisses me before he leaves for work, and when he gets home, with some hugs too. Calls me from work almost everyday somewhere in the afternoon.

    He does the dishes after dinner, always takes part in chores around our home together. Does the laundry (but that's more because he likes his laundry system .)

    Always remembers the special days, wants to please me and make me happy by doing what I would like to do (but I know what he likes to do too so I combine my ideas with his and keep the man happy. I buy his favorite foods and cook his favorite stuff and he loves to walk so we do that too ...)

    Those are the ways ... next month will be 22 years for us.
    Congratulations! That's a major accomplishment.

    One thing my ENFJ friend asked me- that made a lot of sense, was 'how do you know how you'll be once you are in love?'. With my last relationship, I know part of my problem was that I wasn't getting what I needed, so it made it hard to express it. Maybe I'll say it with no problem once it hits me.

  3. #13
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I have no problem saying "I love you" or being affectionate.

  4. #14
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    My ENFJ ex fiance said "I love you" all of the f__ing time... and then cheated on me I got a bit worn out on the term since he always SAID it, but he rarely SHOWED it... I've always been much more reserved about using the term but I've always been a dependable SO, I've always been there for my man, and as long as he deserves it I'll stand by him

    My ISTJ had a very similar ex to mine, who used the term gratuitously while behaving badly... which means that our relationship involves a lot of showing of love and dedication and support, but little expressed with the phrase "I love you"
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #15
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    My ENFJ ex fiance said "I love you" all of the f__ing time... and then cheated on me I got a bit worn out on the term since he always SAID it, but he rarely SHOWED it... I've always been much more reserved about using the term but I've always been a dependable SO, I've always been there for my man, and as long as he deserves it I'll stand by him

    My ISTJ had a very similar ex to mine, who used the term gratuitously while behaving badly... which means that our relationship involves a lot of showing of love and dedication and support, but little expressed with the phrase "I love you"
    Ooooh that makes a lot of sense now. I understand why you feel the way you do now. I like both hearing "I love you" and seeing it in a persons actions. I guess I'm greedy.

  6. #16
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbah View Post
    I say it all the time to my ENTP. There doesn't have to be a big reason for me to say it, so I say it often. I am also very affectionate. I am a woman though, I don't know if there is a difference between male ISTJs and female ISTJs in terms of showing affection. Most of the (few) ISTJs in this forum are men and I think this sometimes does not give the whole picture.
    My father is ISTJ and I'd say he is fairly affectionate, however he also comes from a culture where being affectionate towards people in your family is considered "standard" (and whoever isn't tends to be considered as extremely rude / bad tempered)
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  7. #17
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    My father is ISTJ and I'd say he is fairly affectionate, however he also comes from a culture where being affectionate towards people in your family is considered "standard" (and whoever isn't tends to be considered as extremely rude / bad tempered)
    I love this.

    But yeah if there are differences they're probably cultural.

  8. #18
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    My XSTJ much prefers to show it although he will occaisionally say it, wincing.
    He actually gets quite annoyed by people who say it frequently, he thinks it cheapens the meaning.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  9. #19
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GemPOPGem View Post
    My XSTJ much prefers to show it although he will occaisionally say it, wincing.
    He actually gets quite annoyed by people who say it frequently, he thinks it cheapens the meaning.
    Yes... I think it's like "Hey, can't you even see that without me spelling it out for you?".

    Anyways, ISTJ in love is a person who will do everything in his/her power to make your life easier and safer.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  10. #20
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    To say "I Love You" all the time- just to say it -cheapens the meaning.
    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    Yes... I think it's like "Hey, can't you even see that without me spelling it out for you?".
    you guys are weird. cute, but weird.

    i do think "i love you" really can hold genuine meaning, even if it's said often (not every 5 seconds though... or worse, every 5 seconds in public...). i don't think the need to act in a loving way applies any less - words can never be a substitute for actions. some people are just more inclined to verbalize their feelings than others.

    otoh, i like when my partner doesn't say it all the time, even though i usually end up gushing it out fairly frequently (as in, at least once every couple of days). maybe that sounds like a double standard but i think it's more like i tend to fall for people who aren't the kind to say it all the time, so i know it's really special when it's said. i'd definitely include ISTJs in that group.

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