As simple as an ENFP can make it. Please try to oversee the errors. ISTJ's
My bf and I have been on a rough patch from the beginning, 3 years now.
*(Insight- He would never agree to that statement, because he was never unhappy; it was always I with the issues-so to speak)
Always knowing that I have been the more intuitive one, I finally came to the conclusion that my bf, type ISTJ, and I, Enfp, simply do not understand eachother. Yes, a simple conclusion I have always known. Love, 'Natural' Self Consciousness, and criticism, had me thinking it was always because I was unstable emotionally and too analytical. Again Simply Stating. I realized that he wasn't capable of thinking the way I do, seeing things from my perspective, or how I always took it to the "big picture." He is very situational; black and white.
After Breaking Up-Current Situation
He is not willing to "just let go." He feels that it can be worked out, and he admits that he is reserved emotionally. He thinks it is a easy as: "we both want the same things; so let us compromise."
The ENFP that I am still has hope. I love him because he is, in fact, a wonderful person and definitely everything I'm not. I admire that about him. After, researching I realize that is my 'inner' connection with him, that we are opposites. You all have helped me a great deal in understanding him and trying to work around our differences. Example: Me, not take everything so literal. He truly doesn't mean it to be degrading.. it's who he is. (Don't think he is disrespectful, I know he can carry that trait, but he isn't that way with me, fyi.) Just the person I am takes VERY small actions and words 'to heart'.
I've learned MUCH MORE about who WE are in general.
At the same time, I still need/want him to at least understand who I am, ENFP. With being polar opposites it cannot be one without the other. Especially for as sensitive as I am.
So to my point:
I am trying to get him to understand his self and me on a much 'deeper' level. Unfortunately, giving in and dealing with it does not last for an ENFP, believe me, I know. We eventually remain unhappy and get worse. Then things will completely break apart the 'unhealthy' way.. all do to non communication and lack of empathy.
Now I know, It's hard to get an ISTj to be coherently intrigued by Cognitive functions. I did read through a few forums that stated: If some life changing event causes him to re-think that psychology is important, he may look into it. Or if someone of higher, respectable authority suggests for him to research the theory, he may do it.
I understand that if an ISTj finds MBTI useless than he will not see the need to indulge. Therefore, my solution was simple:
Another forum suggested to establish rules and goals with an ISTj.
My first rule, in order for us to even discuss working things out, he needed to research and understand who we are based on the Cognitive Theory Level.
I also followed up with "Even though you may not agree with your entire category the 'ENFP' is in FACT me. I need him to understand me a little bit more for us to move on. I am terrible at explaining myself in ways that he would understand, and I feel like if he reads Q&A, Statistics, Overviews, etc.. that he may begin to see what I am made of, and he may understand that NEITHER of us can change but only adapt and utilize each other's strengths and weaknesses.
I know not overwhelm him with his choices and let him decide what and when they are. I will not suffocate, and quite frankly, this is my last hope. I am to a cynical point in this relationship and will not force him to do anything. He wanted to make it work, so after much talk and research this is what it is.
Do any of you think that this could work? Of course, based off his willingness. But if he is willing, will it work? Will he be able to understand me more?
ISTj's- are you able to understand NF's more, if pyschology is your thing, and you have researched it? Using the tools and references from the theory?
Thank You For ANY INPUT. It WOULD DEFINITELY HELP TO GET THE OPINION OF THOSE WHO UNDERSTAND ALL TYPES.